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Financial Abuse, is it?
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the friend needs speak with the mothers social worker... and request that this issue is looked into, as she is concerned about financial abuse. If she deemed to have capacity, she is entitled to make bad decisions, however if she doesn't know what has been happening, or doesn't have capacity then she needs to be protected.
the mother will have to be contributing to her stay in residential care - and her house of she is sole owner will be counted as capital. (only while she has above a certain amount in England), however if her capital drops below this level she will have to be reassessed, if it is deemed that she has intentionally depreciated her capital she will not be eligible to support - if she then requires residential care, and her son has sold her house she may end up with no where to go... (i'm thinking the flat may have one room or be on the tenth floor - even if not if the son has bought a bachelor pad where he will not have his mother) it needs to be looked into sooner rather than later, as residential homes can be expensive and could be eating into her capital quickly.
the friend has legal rights to any 'inheritance' if the mother chooses to spend it on the son before it becomes an inheritance - so if the mother knows what is happening and she is deemed to have capacity to make the decisions they are her decisions to make...
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jackieblack wrote: »My initial thoughts
1. There are at least two sides to every story. (Mother may have been happy to subsidise brother's lifestyle in return for care/companionship.)
2. There is no such thing as a 'rightful inheritance' but often there are expectations that may or may not pan out.
3. If brother has POA, he has responsibility for mothers finances.
Maybe proceeds from house sale are required to fund cost of keeping mother in care home?
100% agree. As the wife of a child who was left to care for his parents for over 25 years while his sibling lived her life away I don't think the absent child realises how difficult the situation can be for the carer.
TBH I have heard from colleagues in work who no longer live at home how they feel that their siblings are financially benefiting etc. When I point out that their siblings are living and caring for their parent(s) while they visit a handful of times a year they have no right to complain as if they had to care for their parents they would realise how much time, money and energy it takes.
We had no financial benefit from in-laws, in fact we subsidised them. When we did their food shopping, guess who paid? When they needed running to an appointment, guess who paid the petrol.
The child who has got on with their life is only concerned with "their rightful inheritance"!
My brother took over my father's business. Myself and sisters received no money for "our" share of the business. This really annoyed one BIL, not that it was any of his business. Sisters and I happy with arrangement as brother had taken over a few years previous to my father dying and he had ensured that my father did not want financially by giving him money regularly as my father had no private pension. My brother had done the right thing and looked after my father financially and my father would have wanted him to have the business. My father also knew if every myself or my sisters needed money then my brother will be the first to help out.
~Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.~:)
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We had no financial benefit from in-laws, in fact we subsidised them. When we did their food shopping, guess who paid? When they needed running to an appointment, guess who paid the petrol.
Why do people do this?
When I did my parents' shopping, they paid me for it. They were getting their pensions and other benefits and never expected me to subsidise their household expenses.0 -
Why do people do this?
When I did my parents' shopping, they paid me for it. They were getting their pensions and other benefits and never expected me to subsidise their household expenses.
Because they are elderly, not working and you feel bad for taking money from them and plus as OH parents they had given him to him for the first 20 years of his life.
We didn't begrudge the outlay but I bet SIL was b!tching behind our backs thinking we were robbing her parents! I've heard too often colleagues in work complaining how financially hard done by they are in comparison to their siblings still living near/with parents. Really pees me off that it becomes the main thing they care about, money, money, money. ~Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.~:)
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Why do people do this?
When I did my parents' shopping, they paid me for it. They were getting their pensions and other benefits and never expected me to subsidise their household expenses.
I guess it depends on the family.
As an example I drove my mum to a meal she was attending and I was picking her up later.
She offered me £10 for the petrol but I refused.....she does things for me and this was me doing things for her.
However if this was a weekly thing or more frequent then yes I might be tempted to take what was offered on an occasional basis2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
One person I know took money from her father's bank account to pay for petrol to visit him in hospital! She didn't need the money and within weeks of him dying was spending profusely. New car, TV, holiday, car for husband etc. ~Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.~:)
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Because they are elderly, not working and you feel bad for taking money from them and plus as OH parents they had given him to him for the first 20 years of his life.
Don't understand this. I was very happy to care for my parents and go shopping for them or take them shopping or to appointments, etc, but they had their own incomes and didn't want to live off my money.
They said "Why should you pay our daily living expenses out of your money? Whatever is left when we go will be divided between you all so, if you pay our living costs, you're basically giving money to the others as well as doing all our running around".0 -
All families different I suppose.Don't understand this. I was very happy to care for my parents and go shopping for them or take them shopping or to appointments, etc, but they had their own incomes and didn't want to live off my money.
They said "Why should you pay our daily living expenses out of your money? Whatever is left when we go will be divided between you all so, if you pay our living costs, you're basically giving money to the others as well as doing all our running around".
I was raised to do nothing for financial reward, but only because I was part of the family. Something I have done with DD - you would have caught me paying DD to do chores in the home.
If we couldn't have afforded it then maybe we would have felt different but at the time we had two decent incomes and they had pensions and benefits. My OH and his sister gave them 1/2 the money to buy their home under right to buy without having their names on the deeds. They then live there for 20 years rent free and then OH and sister inherited.
Yes we had put in more financially than SIL if you count running around etc. but they inherited equally. Everything went 50/50.
Never had to do it for my parents as I lost them both in my early 20s but I know what would have been more important to my parents than who paid for what, it would have been time, effort, love and care. ~Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.~:)
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All families different I suppose.
I was raised to do nothing for financial reward, but only because I was part of the family. Something I have done with DD - you would have caught me paying DD to do chores in the home.
No, our family is the same. Household chores are shared because they have to be done - no-one gets paid for doing them - but if one of the kids does some shopping for me, I give them the money. That's what my parents did when I spent money getting things for them - not paid me for doing the shopping but paid for the goods they wanted.0 -
Just to be clear I used the term "rightful inheritance" not the person in question. In fact she doesn't care about that, only her mother's welfare and the fact her brother is siphoning off cash that her mother needs to fund her care.
The office of the public guardian are now involved and are looking into it as they feel there is enough evidence of financial abuse.
Thank you for all your comments, it's very helpful getting opinions from all sides of the debate.0
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