Getting past a dislike of OH's family member?

lufcgirl

Keeping it as short as possible!

Has anyone ever really disliked one of their OH's family, and how do you get around it?

I've been in a relationship for four months now and seen this person a handful of times, and everytime I'm around her I just feel uncomfortable. I'm sure she is a lovely lovely person but I can't get past this initial reaction to meeting her!

I think it may stem from OH 'coming out' to this cousin when we first started dating and her taking it badly and from what I understand making her feel uncomfortable about the relationship. Then whenever me and her are with OH at the same time, it seems like she's fighting for my OH's attention from me. It seems rather childish I know so I just let it go and let her have her moment and read a newspaper or whatever. She also showed up half an hour before we were due to go on holiday, insisted on doing OH's ironing and then hanging around while I put my clothes into OH's suitcase, it was just a little weird. The cousin must be in her 30's and OH is mid twenties if that helps.

Honestly...I want to like her, I really do. It's just a little weird and I'd like to know if anyone else got over their initial first impression of a family member and ended up liking them?

Artytarty

Is it possible she s just being really protective of her cousin. Maybe she's worried you will hurt her? Just a thought.
Having said that,I never liked my ohs cousin from the day we met. He is evil , jealous and manipulative but oh could not see it.

lufcgirl

Artytarty wrote: »

Is it possible she s just being really protective of her cousin. Maybe she's worried you will hurt her? Just a thought.
Having said that,I never liked my ohs cousin from the day we met. He is evil , jealous and manipulative but oh could not see it.

To be fair it could be that, I never actually considered it to be some sort of protectiveness. Thank you!

I do want to like her and I'm sure she's a really nice girl, I know she is a huge part of OH's life I'm just trying to figure it out and how to get past this dislike I have!

fluffnutter

Why not be friendly to her? Invite her out for a drink or something? There are two main ways of getting along with the inlaws. Ignore them or make friends with them. If she's a big part of your OH's life, then the latter would seem more sensible.

Brallaqueen

It might be worth laying your cards on the table with her - that you feel there is an awkwardness between you and you want to get to know her better so that she can see how genuine your affection for OH is etc etc.

If nothing else it will show that you tried and your OH will appreciate the effort

Yorkie1

Turning up to do his ironing half an hour before you went on holiday really isn't what I would term usual behaviour, but is this the sort of thing the cousin did anyway before started you started going out with your OH? Did she always iron his shirts, for example?

If not, it sounds rather possessive to me; what does your OH say?

Annisele

lufcgirl wrote: »

She also showed up half an hour before we were due to go on holiday, insisted on doing OH's ironing and then hanging around while I put my clothes into OH's suitcase, it was just a little weird.

Is it really the cousin you dislike, or your OH's reaction to the cousin? In that situation, I'd have expected my OH to say "sorry, this isn't a good time, we're just about to leave" - and I wouldn't have expected the cousin to get anywhere near the suitcases.

I think I'd also be bothered about my OH being nice to somebody who took the coming out "badly" (but that depends on exactly what you meant by "badly").

Apologies if I'm wide of the mark.

justme111

You just been with him for 4 months.
The last thing to worry at this stage would be how to get over awkwardness with a cousin. Unless you leave in a treesome.

aridjis

If I've understood it right OP's partner is a she, and the cousin seemed to have issues with this at first (maybe still does?)

lufcgirl

Thanks for all of the opinions, it's really very helpful.

The four month thing, because I spend so much time around the family, I feel as though I should be getting on with everyone. I get along great with her parents and sister who live with her it's just the cousin turning up.

The whole ironing thing, she doesn't usually do that, not in the whole time I've known her. I think in a way I was a little annoyed that OH thought it was acceptable. I'd walked in the house that day really excited, talked to her sister and went upstairs to put my stuff with hers and in her room is her cousin ironing. I thought it took the excitement away quite a bit anyway...then I began to think it was weird she was even there in the first place. In the end we even gave her a lift home on our way as she kept hinting for one!

I'm not sure if she has an issue with me per se, perhaps the fact her beloved cousin has just told her she is gay may be an issue though. Saying that, the rest of the family are fantastic, even the cousins Mum too and have welcomed me really nicely into the family. It's just this one person who I don't ever want to be around, I find when she talks about the cousin I switch off and don't even think. It's like an instant dislike I really can't get rid of!

indsty

I think she is just having a really hard time understanding your relationship - it doesn't necessarily mean she is "anti" it, it is just harder for some people to get their head round. I would continue to be normally friendly towards her whenever you meet, without trying too hard. This is more her problem than yours. If you get on well with all the other family members she will soon come round. P.S. Maybe she will come and do your ironing every week - that'd be nice !!