Paranoid/Jealous OH's

PuzzledDave

It sounds as if he has a mental health issue that could be addressed. If you can, maybe try to encourage him to see his GP about these strong irrational reactions he has. He knows in hindsight they are unreasonable and hopefully can see how damaging they are.

Since you clearly still have strong feelings for him, I would suggest sticking around and seeing if the NHS can fix him.

In the meantime, perhaps you could get him to write himself a letter along the lines of:

I KNOW jimamma loves me. I know jimamma is loyal and trustworthy. When jimamma sees xxxxxx I know in truth she will return to me and her actions in this are perfectly normal and acceptable.

Then laminate this (so it cannot be quite so easily destroyed in a fit of anger/jealousy), maybe make several copies -- keep one on your person, put one above the bed, that kind of thing.

fluffnutter

Whatever the reason, expressing jealousy is a way of controlling a partner. His problem becomes your problem. It is not your job to constantly reassure him. Like many problems with anxiety at its roots, reassurance will actually make it worse in the long term. The more you reassure him, the more he'll need until such point as nothing you say will convince him. Tell him (kindly) to get some counselling for his insecurity problems. If he doesn't, time to think about leaving. It's not going to get any better. In fact, it will probably get a lot worse.

paulineb_2

jimamma wrote: »

Im not too sure but its definitely got worse since about 18months when friends DP came on the scene.

So youve been putting up with this for 18 months now and there were issues before that.

Is his issue sexual, for example he doesnt like you speaking to I presume a male cashier at the supermarket and doesnt like you getting too "close" to a friends partner.

And its very telling that you only have a few close friends and no family support where you are, meaning that you probably rely on him for emotional support?

I wouldnt be writing affirmations and placing these all over the house. I would say to you please speak to someone about the life you are living just now, your GP, womens aid. Living like this is not normal.

And Id also be very aware that the abuse is now mental but that could also change to physical abuse.

jimamma

Thank you very much everyone for all your replies.. He was in bed last night when I started this thread as we had just had an argument. This morning he tried to be all pally pally, apologizing etc. So I sat him down and told him to read the above posts. He kept asking who started the thread..told him to take one guess.
Again apologies etc..but some of your posts did actually make him think and he found laminating his apologies and putting them up hilarious.
Ive told him if this behavior doesnt change its over and out. I reckon he knows Im serious.

Once again thankyou all so very much.

tinkerbell28

I agree with Pauline, his behaviour is abusive and IMVHO has the potential to be violent later on.

I wouldn't have shown him this thread.

He's putting his character flaws onto you, by putting how he is onto you and other men. If he has form, everyone else must have right?

If he's controlling you to the point you're walking on eggshells now. Then god help you when you're at home with a baby and completely isolated from work, etc.

tiger_eyes

Good for you for taking a strong line on this. You can love somebody and still call them out on their nonsense. This will only get worse if you start cutting off contact with your friends to please an unpleasable partner.

paddy's_mum

Please be very careful. Controlling, jealous, suspicious men can, and frequently do, erupt into violence when they see that their contol of you is slipping..and that makes them dangerous.

Perhaps give Women's Aid a call and see what their advice for dealing with this situation might be.

geoffky

To the op...Been there got the xxxl size t-shirt...It never changes as over time they change you....
I look back at a previous relationship and shake my head in disbelief..

SuzieSue

Well, let's hope he changes, but it will be very difficult for him.

If he doesn't change, then no matter how much you think you love him, you know that you have to get out of the relationship.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

They never get better...only worse.

Before you know it, he'll be giving you a hard time for brushing your teeth, getting your hair cut, wearing makeup, wearing clean clothes or for leaving the house without him. All because those things would mean you were off out to pick up men.