Advice on older kids

dottyanne

So, we have 3 older kids still at home aged nearly 19 and 18. One of the older ones recently got sacked and whilst going through the motions of looking for jobs it's annoying me him being around and I feel annoyed at him. The other older child is working but he's on a final written warning and I feel it's only a matter of time and the youngest is on an apprenticeship and again pays little into the family pot. It's one thing supporting them with food and lodging whilst they aren't working but even when they are they are constantly spending all wages within 2/3 weeks and borrowing from me for the remainder of the time. Don't get me wrong, this is paid as soon as they get land but I feel like we are just cash machines and they aren't learning anything about budgeting and the value of money. I blame myself for allowing thus to escalate in the first place and probably am feeling a bit resentful due to the job loss and lack of responsibility and urgency to find something else ASAP.

nickj_2

whilst you are bailing them out , what incentive is there for them to get their fingers out , start treating them like adults,ie you make your bed so you can lie in it and you'll probably get the desired effect.

Mojisola

Stop thinking of them as children - they are young adults.

The one who is at home all day should have a list of household jobs to do so that he is contributing to the household.

Stop lending them money. By this age, they should know how to make the right choices so that their money lasts.

Wilma33

Stop lending them money! Let them know the new rules on payday, and stick to it.

kelpie35

They are all adults.

They need to take responsibility for themselves.

You have probably done everything for them in the past and are regretting how you have brought them up.

You now need to lay down ground rules, stick to them, and if they are not willing to live by them, it is their choice if they wish to continue living with you.

It is your home and your rules.

liney

I'd be making an example of the eldest, jobless one now, so that the middle final written warning one, doesn't think they will be getting an easy ride if they are dismissed!

No more bank of mom and dad! Sit them down and tell them it is stopping, and on the next pay day show them how to work out their own budgets so they they have money to get to work at the end of the month, and their board is paid. Perhaps they could look at transferring their spending money into a different bank account, and leaving their essentials money in another.

Job Seeker can be doing most household chores because everyone else is at work.

New_and_Improved_Me

I have to agree....this don't sound good at all....

At 18 and 19 they should be responsible adults...getting sacked and being on final warnings sounds to me like they are just spoiled brats…sorry… I know that I harsh…

Far too many parents let their little monsters…..err…sorry I mean darlings…….. get away with too much…

This culture of no discipline has gone FAR too FAR…..when you have kids as young as 10 or even younger……..behaving like hooligans on the streets and having no respect for their parents or authority…because they know they can get away with almost anything……

A child needs boundaries….unfortunately in today’s society ‘Political correctness’ has gone FAR too FAR…..

Not saying your kids are that bad by any means….just pointing out that some kids these days are allowed to get away with FAR too much…..

I remember when I was 19, my first job in a supermarket…..worked every free minute I had between university and never asked for a penny from my parents…..

michael243

Its been nearly four months since I had a job, I was sacked for reasons that wasnt my fault or anything to do with me.

I have tried to find another job but there isnt anything out there that I could get as everything I found needs experience first.

Janepig

It seems to me that boys always seem to be mollycoddled more by their mothers. I've forever got mothers of people on my caseload ringing up on behalf of their sons with various excuses as to why they haven't turned up when they should. Even men in their 30's and 40's and if they don't get their mothers to ring they get their girlfriends/wives, even sisters sometimes. It's like they're incapable of picking up a phone. I never get anyone ring instead of any of the women on my caseload, it's only ever the men. It's one of my huge bugbears.

Jx

emsywoo123

I don't normally look back, but....

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=60571033&postcount=25

krlyr

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I don't normally look back, but....

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=60571033&postcount=25

Well done, you have figured out that OP is human and may not have made all the perfect choices :T Care to offer some advice that may actually help?


OP, I agree that it's now time to put your foot down. My little brother was the least money-savvy of us, and my mum kept bailing him out. He ended up living with me and my older brother for a while, and I'm afraid he got the tough love treatment - not following house rules meant we withdrew our permission for him to throw a house party, and after several warnings when he was late with rate, we did eventually ask him to leave. It was very difficult, but ultimately we couldn't afford to support him living there rent-free - especially not as he has a job and chose to spend his rent money on a new car (old one was fine)! Once he had to support himself, he soon learnt that petrol for work prioritised takeaways for the girlfriend and so on.

If they're being provided with accomodation, food, washing etc. then there's very little they need money for. Transportation perhaps - but I would encourage them to walk and cycle if possible instead, to reduce the cost to you. I'd maybe fund a bus fare or petrol for work/job interviews if they can't afford it themselves, but not for leisure.
Anything else, they can save their own money for it. It will give them a sharp lesson in budgeting or going without!

If they're not at work, then they're contributing in other ways - so housework, cooking dinner, etc. to earn their keep that way. And getting their CVs out there, going to the job centre, etc.

You need to pay your way in life, and by their ages they should be well aware of that. If not, they need to be taught it and quickly, before they end up driving you so nuts they get chucked out!