Just had an interesting conversation with my mate .....

Claudie

Foreplay???? Hahahahhahaaha

Is it your birthday??????

Hahahahaaaaa

halia

thank god someone else out there is getting this argument in their relationship. DH VERY annoyed/ grumpy last night because we didn't have sex. OUr sex life has taken a downturn in the last 2 years after birth off DS, why? because I had a very traumatic, early labour with no pain relief that left me feeling violated and panicky.
Because DS was badly ill for over 2 years and didn't sleep for more than 5 hrs at any one time (usually only 3 or 4 hours)
Because I spent time in A&E or GP surgerys with DS at least once a month for 2 years
Because in that time I was made redundant and had to begin retraining for a new job

The past few months I've made a real effort (after much pressure from DH) and managed to work through some of the panic attacks so that I feel okay about physical contact.

For the past 2 months we've been having sex about once a week - and pretty good sex. Not always penetrative but good, horny, dirty, playful sexy stuff for an hour or so.

I was feeling pretty good about this (once a week after a dorught of 6 months was pretty good going for me!)

Now last weekend we were away, organising a weekend camping party for 60 people, in the rain! Only about 4 hrs sleep a night for 4 nights, long drive, lots of hassle, very enjoyable but exhausting. I got back and to be frank the only thing on my mind was sleep, having a decent shower, unpacking and preparing to start my new job on thursday.

DH got all 'loverly' and got really upset when I said I wasn't in the mood. Now this is the part I don't udnerstand, it seems that we both talk but neither of us understands the other. In the past he has said - "please talk to me, if you're not in the mood I'd rather you told me than you tried to have 'duty' sex"
So last night I went to bed but said "really sorry love, but i'm still very very tired and achy and not feeling sexy - can we just cuddle and chat"

What happens? I get half an hour of;
"well what would make you feel sexy"
"well if you'd had more sleep what would make you feel sexy - can you imagine you've had more sleep right now?"
"well I want to have sex with you all the time"
"you just don't fancy me do you"
"Nothing affects my desire for sex - if you're saying that things like being tired mean you dont' feel sexy then sex can't be important for you"
"I can't be in a relationship were sex isn't important"
"you put everything else before my desires"
"I miss having raunchy sex with you"
"long discourse on his fantasies about me and sex in general"
"we never talk about my needs"
"every time I want to have sex you put me off"
"we never have sex any more"
"you're always tired"
"you don't have such a stressful job as I do, and I still want sex"

etc, etc

Now am I just strange - cos I didn't find that ANY of that made me feel in the slightest bit like having sex?!?!

I dont' want romancing but something would be nice! I sent him flowers last week, I bought him a fathers day present of a freeview box, I agreed to give up my maiden name and take his surname to show my commitment to our relationship, I spent 4 DAYS with my MIL and didn't argue with her once, I work p/t, study p/t and take care of our son p/t and still manage his expenses, do his dry cleaning, cook clean and handle all finances.

I feel that there's a hell of alot more to a relationship than sex, every time he goes on about this I feel that he is completly ignoring all the work I put into our relationship.

How can I get him to understand how I feel?

RadoJo

Without going into too much detail, I had a 'procedure' which put me off nooky for longer than the recommended time you need to heal. My OH didn't pester me at all, and was very understanding but he did admit he felt as though I loved him less. I pointed out that sex might be a nice way to show someone you love them, but actually washing his dirty pants, making sure I bought the bread he likes and treating him to a takeaway when he has had a hard day are actually signs of love too!

I think men tend to guage a relationship by the physical as that is something they can 'count' as it were, and occasionally overlook the loving things their partners may do for them because they are just the sweet, every day things to do with looking after someone, which is more of a show of love than whether you get your kit off every five minutes!

ailuro2

My dh would rather do the cleaning himself in order to free up my time....there's a good sufggestion for the OP:rotfl:

amandada

I think the OP's friend has 3 children under 5 with the way her OH is carrying on!

keelykat

Why do some people put their partners under so much pressure? The day my hubby starts coming out with some crap 'oh you don't love me any more' just because we haven't had sex for a week or two-i'll walk out of the door and not come back! luckily i know that won't happen, he'd never put me under pressure like that. There's a simple solution, if he's horny and she isn't-he needs to sort himself out! And there's nothing worng with it, if their sex drives are different.....it'll only tear them apart/cause more arguements the more sexually frustrated he gets!

keely.

ratty630

keelykat wrote: »

There's a simple solution, if he's horny and she isn't-he needs to sort himself out! And there's nothing worng with it, if their sex drives are different.....it'll only tear them apart/cause more arguements the more sexually frustrated he gets!

keely.

A study on aging from Duke in the 1970s found that for men the frequency of sexual intercourse was associated with lower death rates. For women the enjoyment of intercourse was associated with longer life.

An intrepid group of researchers from Great Britain included a question about sexual activity in a long-term study of health. The authors studied nearly 1000 men aged 45 to 59 and living in or near Caerphilly, Wales. The men were asked about the frequency of sexual intercourse. They were divided into three groups: those who had sex twice or more a week, an intermediate group, and those who reported having sex less than monthly.
A decade later, researchers found that the death rate from all causes for the least sexually active men was twice as high as that of the most active.

The association between frequency of orgasm and mortality in the present study is at least -- if not more -- convincing on epidemiological and biological grounds than many of the associations reported in other studies and deserves further investigation to the same extent.
Intervention programs could also be considered, perhaps based on the exciting, "At least five a day" campaign aimed at increasing fruit and vegetable consumption -- although the numerical imperative may have to be adjusted.

Since the overall death rate was reduced 36% for an increase of 100 orgasms per year, one could easily imagine a new prescription for health:
Rx: Sexual Intercourse at least 2 x per week.

Of course this also begs another question.

Are Ladies who deny there husbands sex 2 x per week, actually happy to know that there husbands have more chance of dieing sooner than they need to?

Would it not be kinder to just poison the husband instead??

keelykat

ratty630 wrote: »

A study on aging from Duke in the 1970s found that for men the frequency of sexual intercourse was associated with lower death rates. For women the enjoyment of intercourse was associated with longer life.

An intrepid group of researchers from Great Britain included a question about sexual activity in a long-term study of health. The authors studied nearly 1000 men aged 45 to 59 and living in or near Caerphilly, Wales. The men were asked about the frequency of sexual intercourse. They were divided into three groups: those who had sex twice or more a week, an intermediate group, and those who reported having sex less than monthly.
A decade later, researchers found that the death rate from all causes for the least sexually active men was twice as high as that of the most active.

The association between frequency of orgasm and mortality in the present study is at least -- if not more -- convincing on epidemiological and biological grounds than many of the associations reported in other studies and deserves further investigation to the same extent.
Intervention programs could also be considered, perhaps based on the exciting, "At least five a day" campaign aimed at increasing fruit and vegetable consumption -- although the numerical imperative may have to be adjusted.

Since the overall death rate was reduced 36% for an increase of 100 orgasms per year, one could easily imagine a new prescription for health:
Rx: Sexual Intercourse at least 2 x per week.

Of course this also begs another question.

Are Ladies who deny there husbands sex 2 x per week, actually happy to know that there husbands have more chance of dieing sooner than they need to?

Would it not be kinder to just poison the husband instead??

Can i ask why you quoted me?

I don't deny my husband sex!

ratty630

I didnt mean to imply you did. I just used a part of what you said as an example of what is usually the crux of the female arguement..

keelykat

What is the difference between coming during sexual intercourse, and by masturbating? i doubt there is...so him amusing himself isnt going to affect his life span lol.....or am i mis reading what you just wrote?