indirect contact

RAS

At the age of 14 years, your son is old enough to make his own decision about contact.

Go and see your local police and speak to the DV Officer.

If he ever turns up again, ask them to attend, let them in (not your ex) and let them speak to your son.

They will remove your ex.

Have you considered a restraining order? Might be an idea if it happens again.

Mojisola

barahs wrote: »

thanks mojisola

i know i should have stuck up for us both long ago.

many thanks for your wisdom

If you're a nice person, it's not easy to stand up to bullies but sometimes you just to find to find the strength to do it. Knowing the police are on hand will make it easier.

barahs

i'm just tired of all the bickering to be honest, its been a tough few years with him. I'm sure there are some of my posts on here. :-(

i just hate being patronised and made to feel worthless by the likes of him.

heigh ho at least i know where i stand as regards the law now.

thanks again

barahs

and the saga continues!!

my son is at my parents for half term week, they love having him. Yesterday the ex turned up after my dad had nipped out and started "discussing" with my timid (step)mum how he was going to go to the police and solicitors. Son still maintains he doesnt want to see him, my parents are bringing son back this evening rather than i visit at the weekend and collect him. They live 170 miles away. My poor stepmum is very upset and my dad just wants to go and i quote "poke him in the eye" they are both retired and just want peace and quiet.

I going to ring the courts who issued the court order today to get the definitive on the paperwork and also ring the local police on their non emergency line to get advice.
I am finally going to stand up for us.

duchy

barahs wrote: »

i'm just tired of all the bickering to be honest, its been a tough few years with him. I'm sure there are some of my posts on here. :-(

i just hate being patronised and made to feel worthless by the likes of him.

heigh ho at least i know where i stand as regards the law now.

thanks again

So don't let him - Show your son by example how to stand up to a bully.
Why on earth didn't your parents call the police when he rocked up -and how did he even know your son was there?
The court gave you adequate tools to deal with your ex- I really don't understand why you wouldn't use them....What was the point of getting the contact type changed if you didn't utilize it ???
Most fourteen year olds don't cry very often so your ex has already done emotional damage -you have the means and ability to stop this bully so stop worrying about what the neighbours think :mad: and get on with it. Your son deserves better.

Stop faffing -and if a restraining order is suggested ......get one !!

And good luck !

EDIT I know you probably think I'm hard on you but read back what I've posted underneath- You admit your ex is a bully but then leave your son to deal with him instead of protecting him . Make those calls today -

no actually i wouldnt but i feel "father" needs to hear it off son rather than view me as being and i quote " a horrible specimen of a human being"
He usees emotional blackmail on my son and although i tell son say whatever you want and then shut the door my son is too well mannered to shut the door on his face.

barahs

duchy wrote: »

So don't let him - Show your son by example how to stand up to a bully.
Why on earth didn't your parents call the police when he rocked up -and how did he even know your son was there?
The court gave you adequate tools to deal with your ex- I really don't understand why you wouldn't use them....What was the point of getting the contact type changed if you didn't utilize it ???
Most fourteen year olds don't cry very often so your ex has already done emotional damage -you have the means and ability to stop this bully so stop worrying about what the neighbours think :mad: and get on with it. Your son deserves better.

Stop faffing -and if a restraining order is suggested ......get one !!

And good luck !

EDIT I know you probably think I'm hard on you but read back what I've posted underneath- You admit your ex is a bully but then leave your son to deal with him instead of protecting him . Make those calls today -

no actually i wouldnt but i feel "father" needs to hear it off son rather than view me as being and i quote " a horrible specimen of a human being"
He usees emotional blackmail on my son and although i tell son say whatever you want and then shut the door my son is too well mannered to shut the door on his face.

i know i know!! you are absolutely right, what bugs me also is he is Mr nice and calm and i'm the one "most likely to put a brick through someones face" !!! mildly joking there. but seriously i always seem to come across as some demented person while he remains calm and smirking. Which frustrates me more you know? he has consistently over the years called me an Undiagnosed schizophrenic, unstable an unfit mother yada yada yada even in court rooms.

My new chap has politely asked him not to turn up which has been ignored and as much as he would like to be rude i've told him nothing must be done to alter my sons perception of him. Does that make sense?

i'm waffling i know i am. i'm angry now.

This has been rumbling on for over 10 years now, if i'd have killed him in the first year i'd have been a free woman!! again i AM JOKING.

due to having to pay that layabout CSA money the only thing i can afford these days is my sense of humour and dignity :rotfl:

Mint1955

Wy are you paying him csa?

Go to police and get a Harrassment order so that he is not allowed to come to your house parents house kids school etc.

barahs

Mint1955 wrote: »

Wy are you paying him csa?

Go to police and get a Harrassment order so that he is not allowed to come to your house parents house kids school etc.

because for the last 3 years he has had custody of middle child, eldest is 18, middle child easily corrupted and a twilight fan. You know, child moves to live with other parent and becaomes uber popular!!!!

so for that priviledge he gets a lot of my salary, and i get absolutely nothing in return because he refuses to work and calls himself a "house husband" its a long saga

i just honestly feel that he beats me at every turn.

rpc

Just do not open the door to him, do not let him in.

If he doesn't clear off, or starts to make a scene, call the police (probably 999).

Pop down the local station or call 101 now to get advice from them on what to do next time. He is trying to intimidate and harass, in violation of a court order...

barahs

rpc wrote: »

Just do not open the door to him, do not let him in.

If he doesn't clear off, or starts to make a scene, call the police (probably 999).

Pop down the local station or call 101 now to get advice from them on what to do next time. He is trying to intimidate and harass, in violation of a court order...

RPC

thank you so much! although everything everyone has kindly said i've understood your matter of fact words have sunk in.