From the mouths of babes ....

K9sandFelines

My DDs stepsister today was asking why some of my DDs things haven't been unpacked and why she doesn't have a wardrobe. The answer being our others were fall ing apart so I got rid before we moved, with every intention of buying again. A year later there is no extra money and no wardrobe. We currently share a clothes rail in my room. I've looked on freecycle etc and charity shops with no luck. Her room is an attic room so not everything is straightforward buy and put it in place. Of course when you are ten it is hard to explain this to another ten year old. We just look poor and ill equipped for want of a better word.

Also we have had other comments that our house is messy by young members of the family.

If we had the money then we could buy the correct storage and things would look a lot better.

So, I'm wondering how do you shrug these comments off? I don't want my daughter getting upset because we are being judged. Moreso though I feel upset that we can't
afford these things, whilst their stepsister has had everything handed to her on a plate.

I'm slowly trying to make a difference by living as frugally as possible, I've recently found work and I am trying not to get into debt just to keep up with Jones' ... but it's hard. I don't mind being frugal, but I wish I weren't so poor.

Don't get me wrong. We are clean and in reasonably good health, but sometimes you just feel like you're best isn't good enough. My heart sank when my DD told me and it's hard to keep looking on the bright side.

Sorry if this isn't in the right place!

mrsdwhite

I don't want to read and run.
I think you need a well done for not getting yourself into debt just to keep up with the Jones', it's a very tough thing to do, but ultimately the best thing to do.
I get like that sometimes, looking at my belongings and thinking, oh if only I could just afford a lovely new 3 piece suite, or whatever, but so,long as my dd is happy, healthy and loved the rest doesn't mean much really.
My parents weren't well off, and still aren't, though my memories of childhood and my childhood hole aren't of the material possessions but the fun times and the playing.
You're doing a great job, don't forget it!

cornishchick

Hi k9
Sorry you feel this way, it's hard
Tell the step sister the truth, times are hard, and currently just having money for food and heat are important, while decorating isn't.


Look around for clever solutions to storage, Internet searches come up with some amazing creative ideas.
I have painted cardboard boxes on there sides before to store shoes, looked great, and made to fit a gap.
Turn it into a project to do with your DD,

not sure if this helps but felt I needed to say something.
xCC

K9sandFelines

mrsdwhite wrote: »

I don't want to read and run.
I think you need a well done for not getting yourself into debt just to keep up with the Jones', it's a very tough thing to do, but ultimately the best thing to do.
I get like that sometimes, looking at my belongings and thinking, oh if only I could just afford a lovely new 3 piece suite, or whatever, but so,long as my dd is happy, healthy and loved the rest doesn't mean much really.
My parents weren't well off, and still aren't, though my memories of childhood and my childhood hole aren't of the material possessions but the fun times and the playing.
You're doing a great job, don't forget it!

Himrsd

I know what you mean. I was brought up the same and never remember thinking oh we are poor. Obviously I understand more of our situation now as an adult than I did back then. I also appreciate how hard it must've been for my parent's. I had no half/step siblings to compare to though.

To be fair, I think at that age she is never going to understand what it's like to struggle. As her Dad (my ex) has been fortunate enough to never have been in that position afaik.Although we were never rich when together and struggled back then. However, my DD realises how hard it is, but I don't want her to feel like her stepsister is unintentionally making her feel sad. I know the fact that she is loved is more important, but it feels like her, my ex and her Mum are looking down their noses slightly at us because they always have "bigger and better"

Funky_Bold_Ribena

'Oh, we just never got round to it' type of comment. Life isn't about storage!

K9sandFelines

cornishchick wrote: »

Hi k9
Sorry you feel this way, it's hard
Tell the step sister the truth, times are hard, and currently just having money for food and heat are important, while decorating isn't.


Look around for clever solutions to storage, Internet searches come up with some amazing creative ideas.
I have painted cardboard boxes on there sides before to store shoes, looked great, and made to fit a gap.
Turn it into a project to do with your DD,

not sure if this helps but felt I needed to say something.
xCC

Hi CC I don't think she'd understand as I don't think she's ever had to experience hardship yet in her ten years. I just felt so bad for my DD. I'm on the lookout for anything I can revamp that will house or store something but the list seems to be endless.We aren't great at art but we are willing to try.

K9sandFelines

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

'Oh, we just never got round to it' type of comment. Life isn't about storage!

Good idea. Or we haven't found something suitable yet. Wish I had been in the room at the time!

mum2one

I would guess that your stepdaughter spoke as she saw, sometimes its the words as they see it, without realising whats going on.

Your doing a brilliant job not getting into debt and penny to a £1 thats a lot more than some people are doing.

Going back to DD's room, - you say its an attic room so you may not always find standard furniture to fit, - so turn that to a positive -

If there somewhere you could get 3 pieces of wood - thinking of usung them as a "Z" shape - like the Victorians had and you see in the posh shops, you could paint it a base colour - then do each panel different, - say use wrapping paper / wall paper / cut outs from magazines etc - then varnish over.

This way the clothes are on a rail and hid away (from sunlight so they don't faid) but giving a chic feel.

---

Have you looked at doing some of the survey sites and saving up Argos vouchers and then use these towards furniture - may take a yr - but it doesn't have to be expensive furniture.

When I did DD's room, shes got a L shaped room, you can only really get a bed down one wall, I got her a double wardrobe, 3 draw chest of draws and bedside cabinet - think it was about £70 (value range) but it doesn't look it.

-
My room I have a built in wardrobe - pain as its narrow - to hang anything up it has to go in on an angle - so I got dad to get off cuts of wood and make some shelving.

---

Have you had a look around car-boots sales - sometimes theres units that you can revamp, use for different items............. I did a car boot today, and the couple by me had 2 small whicker unit with draws - almost CD sized draws - the lady who brought them we were talking to her, she was going to paint the baskets then when dry use in her kids room for underwear etc - even if knickers go over 2 draws there be stored safe. xx

charlies-aunt

You're doing a fantastic job whatever your situation -there wll always people with more but its good to turn round 180 degrees and see the many more that have a lot less.

Its your ex that should feel uncomfortable with this childs remark - his second family are living well but he's happy for the children of his first family to have things tough. :mad:

K9sandFelines

mum2one wrote: »

I would guess that your stepdaughter spoke as she saw, sometimes its the words as they see it, without realising whats going on.

Your doing a brilliant job not getting into debt and penny to a £1 thats a lot more than some people are doing.

Going back to DD's room, - you say its an attic room so you may not always find standard furniture to fit, - so turn that to a positive -

If there somewhere you could get 3 pieces of wood - thinking of usung them as a "Z" shape - like the Victorians had and you see in the posh shops, you could paint it a base colour - then do each panel different, - say use wrapping paper / wall paper / cut outs from magazines etc - then varnish over.

This way the clothes are on a rail and hid away (from sunlight so they don't faid) but giving a chic feel.

Thanks for your ideas. I don't have chance to go to any car boots, although there is an indoor one nearby, but it doesn't sell furniture.

---

Have you looked at doing some of the survey sites and saving up Argos vouchers and then use these towards furniture - may take a yr - but it doesn't have to be expensive furniture.

When I did DD's room, shes got a L shaped room, you can only really get a bed down one wall, I got her a double wardrobe, 3 draw chest of draws and bedside cabinet - think it was about £70 (value range) but it doesn't look it.

-
My room I have a built in wardrobe - pain as its narrow - to hang anything up it has to go in on an angle - so I got dad to get off cuts of wood and make some shelving.

---

Have you had a look around car-boots sales - sometimes theres units that you can revamp, use for different items............. I did a car boot today, and the couple by me had 2 small whicker unit with draws - almost CD sized draws - the lady who brought them we were talking to her, she was going to paint the baskets then when dry use in her kids room for underwear etc - even if knickers go over 2 draws there be stored safe. xx

Thanks for your reply. It's my daughter's stepsister - she's no actual relation to me!

My DD does have somewhere for underwear and as many items as possible are under the mid sleeper bed, but some more storage or furniture would be ideal. You're right in that the room is a very fiddly shape, and for that reason I was thinking of a tall boy as then she can put stuff on top too. She had one of these in the last but one house and it was just the right size. However, it fell apart.

I like the sound of the screen, but I don't know if I'm creative enough to pull it off. My Dad is handy at building and fixing stuff; but he doesn't have the inclination any more for making things.

She definitely needs more storage. Not to mention, we need a shed and stuff for eldest's room. Wardrobes were built in, in last house so I shared eldest's, but its the furniture before that that was falling apart and obviously didn't fit in in a house where everything was built in.

Maybe I should look at the shabby chic thread for more inspiration and ideas. I like the idea of upcycling, but I just don't have the skills to be very good at it.

I do do survey sites mainly Valued Opinions, as they seem to pay out the most and quickest. I was doing Adpoints but I'm relying mostly on my phone at the mo until I get my desktop pc back, so that's a bit harder. Though I do have £65 in Nectar points untouched. I am also saving £2 coins in a jar. So trying my very best, but could definitely do with a lottery win!

K9sandFelines

charlies-aunt wrote: »

You're doing a fantastic job whatever your situation -there wll always people with more but its good to turn round 180 degrees and see the many more that have a lot less.

Its your ex that should feel uncomfortable with this childs remark - his second family are living well but he's happy for the children of his first family to have things tough. :mad:

Isn't it always the way hey! They haven't been in the country for the past twelve months and will be leaving again in the next twelve. So hopefully that time will go quickly. My ex thinks because he pays csa I should have enough to provide all these things, but I don't think he realises the true extent of how hard it is making money stretch. I don't wqant to make this into an ex bashing thread though

I will get there in the end. Thanks for your kind words (and everyone elses).