Sharing winnings?

fluffnutter

Don't get it. Why wouldn't people want to share their good fortune with the person who's supposed to mean most to them in the world. Who gives a monkey's who 'bought' the ticket?

claire16c

fluffnutter wrote: »

Don't get it. Why wouldn't people want to share their good fortune with the person who's supposed to mean most to them in the world. Who gives a monkey's who 'bought' the ticket?

It's really no wonder one of the main reasons people divorce is money when you read stuff on here.

OP I'd set up a joint account for the household stuff & set up standing orders. Your boyfriend sounds a bit hypocritical if he's worried about you running off with money yet is resistant to put money in to support you both, he's not helping the situation himself. Maybe his ex only cleaned him out to get her money back, who knows!

paulineb_2

fluffnutter wrote: »

Don't get it. Why wouldn't people want to share their good fortune with the person who's supposed to mean most to them in the world. Who gives a monkey's who 'bought' the ticket?

Maybe because she was wanting to put a share back into the household pot to make up for the fact he doesnt seem to be paying his share.

tinkerbell28

paulineb wrote: »

Maybe because she was wanting to put a share back into the household pot to make up for the fact he doesnt seem to be paying his share.

This.

I'd give my last £1 to my oh, if kids were all sorted.

I bloody well wouldn't if he made me justify every little household expense and begrudgingly gave me the bare minimum for household expenses.

Any

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

This.

I'd give my last £1 to my oh, if kids were all sorted.

I bloody well wouldn't if he made me justify every little household expense and begrudgingly gave me the bare minimum for household expenses.

This.
I think your finance set up need addressing.
It is not easy, I grant you. Been there myself. My OH got cleaned couple of times by his exes. But it is not a life, justifying every penny you spend on potatoes!!
When I had enough OH realised that he has it good. No more arguments any more. After one shouting match I set up a spreadsheet with household bills, showed it to him, said enough was enough, I am not living like tglhis, I am not his exes and I do not appreciate this kind of treatment. Then I watched him set up a standing order to a joint account, let him watch mine, leaving us both with some "own" money and that was the end of it.
You need to stand your ground. Why should you be mothering him and take care of household to be treated like possible thief??
(Guessing from you post that you look after the bills etc)

Any

By the way joint account doesn't have to be for both wages to go in. Ours is just for household bills (no children). There is nothing to clear out really.
That might make him less affraid of someone running off and leaving him pennyless.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd split it down the middle and make a point of treating myself with my share.

But me and The Lovely Fella are pretty relaxed about sharing things. I think it stems from having previous relationships where somebody else controlled everything; being able to choose to share feels more empowering than jealously guarding every single penny as though we were still scared that we'd be totally shafted again.



If we ever get to the stage of living together, I think we'd want a joint account for all household stuff, so both can see exactly what goes where and when, and then keep a separate bank account each for wages, transferring out the bills, leaving just spending money in each, which means things are open, whilst retaining some autonomy at the same time.


Transparency and Trust go hand in hand, I think.

booter

Thank you all for your input. I can't believe how all of you seem to have hit the nail on the head (and how good most of you are at reading between the lines!:)) He really is as tight as a duck's bum, and if I didn't have the monthly battle to get him to cough up for the pot, I don't believe I'd have asked the question in my op:cool:

rach-k - I'm not sure he'd split any winnings he had I'd like to think so, but he really is tight, so I just don't know. I have a feeling that a proportion of any winnings he had would already be "allocated" to something - complete with full justification of why it's been allocated (e.g. something he wanted for the garden, followed by examples of how it would benefit me - but it would really be for his benefit iyswim) So once that expense had been taken out, maybe then he would split?!

I have asked in the past if he'd set up a d/debit or s/o so I wouldn't have to ask for cash each month, but despite saying he would, he's never "got around to it" If I "nag" about it, then a row follows shortly after. And tbh, life's just so busy it's just easier to let it slide. More fool me, eh?

Any - the comment about mothering him rings so true. Guilty as charged:o I think many of us do it to a certain extent - sometimes it's just easier to get on with things and do stuff yourself. Loving the spreadsheet idea

So, time to face up to facts - for both of us. Joint account here we come!! I just have to tackle him at the right time. Sadly, I can't do it just yet - not an excuse, but he would be convinced that it was just a cunning way of getting the winnings back off him :cool:

Thank you all once again, I really appreciate your thoughts and suggestions :A

Errata

Have a read of this if you need any more certainty about why a joint acccount is the way to go http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2466757/Love--opening-joint-bank-account-partner-How-merging-finances-strengthen-relationships.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490

jellyhead

He could set up a direct debit using online banking. You could help him 'get around to it'

He may just be forgetful and a bit scatterbrained where money is concerned. My husband is amazing at absolutely everything except money, so he direct debits the money into my account and I sort everything out. I've got it all written down for if he needs it, if I were in hospital for example.

I don't class that as 'mothering' him, no more than he classes removing spiders and changing lightbulbs (he can reach, I can't) as 'fathering' me.

We are always skint and not used to having treats. My husband would have a treat for himself in mind in this situation, whereas I would be thinking it would ease the strain of buying christmas presents, and perhaps buy a small treat for myself. It's the way I am, I can't bring myself to treat myself, not when there are other things to spend the money on.

We get around it by allocating an amount of 'pocket money' to each of us to be spent how we wish. I spend mine on activities for the children and days out, he spends his on his hobbies which to be fair includes everyone apart from me (because I'm not interested).

In this situation I'd decide on an amount to be split between us. Maybe deduct the actual cost of the night out and raffle ticket if you prefer? Then I probably would put my half back into the kitty, mostly. As long as we're both happy that's fine. My husband tried to treat me when we first got together but soon realised that I am uncomfortable with excessive amounts of money being spent on me and I don't like a pile of presents, I'd prefer just one, or one off him and one off the children.

I don't moan about him being like a child in a toyshop come pay day, and he doesn't moan about me being a martyr