CSA ....an (absent) and bitter Dads point of view

Philtimo

nearlyrich wrote: »

My ex paid £60 a month when he could be bothered he actually got more in cash from the equity split than he ever paid for the children and all the equity was accrued by me paying the mortgage when he left. Am I bitter ? not at all I have a great life two lovely young adults who know who did what ( not that I have said anything ever about their dad and his none contribution) Not all women are parasites I have earned loads more than my ex over the years and didn't really miss him or his grudgingly paid support for our two children.

Total respect to you

martinthebandit

Philtimo wrote: »

I didn't expect anyone else to pay for my kids.

.....Just the mothers and I.

Unfortunately, the mothers didn't fancy going out to work, as having more kids is more fun...... so it then became my duty to pay their share.

Whatever uninformed dung you come up with I will have a logical answer.

.... and I will eventually get bored rising to your selfish self pitying trolling.

By the way your options were;

Earn more,
Spend less, or
Go under.

swingaloo

martinthebandit wrote: »

.... and I will eventually get bored rising to your selfish self pitying trolling.

By the way your options were;

Earn more,
Spend less, or
Go under.

..........................................
:rotfl:

Philtimo

swingaloo wrote: »

..........................................
:rotfl:

1 and 2 are best bet.

Philtimo

swingaloo wrote: »

But you wont have been paying to support someone elses kids if she got pregnant again. that would be down to the other father.
Not the way the CSA used to work. If I had more disposable income they could tap into, then they would. And they did. 3 times she had more kids, 3 times my payments went up.

To be fair you said you were paying 108 by court order till the CSA got involved. Do you seriously think that that keeps a roof over a childs head.

When I was paying 108, my wage was about 600 a month.

If I paid 108 AND SHE paid 108, then yes 216 was ok for a 3 year old. That's why the court agreed it. It was fair. She packed in work, as she knew how the system worked and eh! - no more work, but same income. But from me.

pink_princess

Philtimo wrote: »

I was looking around the web looking at when my CSA payments to my ex will cease, and I found this site.
A quick tertiary glimpse is all that is needed to see that it is mainly Mums that are near panic stricken over their monthly windfall ceasing.
Without looking too deeply, one person was saying that it is LUDICROUS that her beer money stops when her daughter goes to University, and the poor bloke should carry on paying money to HER (not the daughter) because,,,,,,,,, 'she will come home on long breaks'. That just about sums the CSA up.

I have been paying CSA since the CSA started, for two children. Before you rant on that that's not possible..

The first was 3 in 1995, and I was divorced just before the CSA started. As soon as the CSA began, my payments went up from £108pm by court order, to £300 through the CSA. I was now remarried and the strain it put on wife number 2 was unreal, as she was working for not much more than I was dobbig out to the CSA.
Then my wife fell pregnant.
Then my ex wife had another sproglet and my CSA payments went up!
She went onto have three more kids and each time my contributions went up, ending at £400 - 50% of my total wage.
(that's how the CSA used to work, I know its different now)

This broke the back of my 2nd marriage, and we split, leaving me with two parasites fighting for every last bit of my 'disposable income'.

I have been paying Maintenance / CSA for a total of 23 years, and it will cease the day my daughter walks into University.

There will not be one more penny coming from me. I have a fund set up for her 21st, and I will continue to pay that.

To all you mums worrying about how you are going to manage...... You have the same choices I have had...

1. Earn more
2. Spend Less
or
3, Go under.

Welcome to the real world.

You only earn £800 a month?

You should read your own advice, earn more!

Philtimo

pink_princess wrote: »

You only earn £800 a month?

You should read your own advice, earn more!

I did then.

pink_princess

Philtimo wrote: »

I didn't expect anyone else to pay for my kids.

.....Just the mothers and I.

Unfortunately, the mothers didn't fancy going out to work, as having more kids is more fun...... so it then became my duty to pay their share.

Whatever uninformed dung you come up with I will have a logical answer.

You think £50 per week, per child is the full cost of raising a child? :cool:

Philtimo

pink_princess wrote: »

You think £50 per week, per child is the full cost of raising a child? :cool:

its what the court said was fair, taking into account our incomes. It was 1990.

clearingout

Philtimo wrote: »

When I was paying 108, my wage was about 600 a month.

If I paid 108 AND SHE paid 108, then yes 216 was ok for a 3 year old. That's why the court agreed it. It was fair. She packed in work, as she knew how the system worked and eh! - no more work, but same income. But from me.

do you have any realistic idea about the cost of childcare for children in school, let alone those who require full time care who are not yet in school? does it not occur to you that working can be incredibly complex as a single parent and that childcare as it is today has improved beyond all recognition since 1995 and yet it is still difficult to get the childcare you need?

I am currently having to pay an additional childcarer to deal with roadworks which were blocking my way to work (half the town is being improved at the moment, no viable alternative route without going about 8 miles out of my way). Had I not been a) able to find someone willing to take my children at 7am and b) not been able to afford someone to take my children at 7am, I would have lost my job. I personally find full time work far easier than a life on benefits but following the breakdown of my marriage, it was necessary to fall back on the benefit system to get myself sorted out. I was lucky post divorce - for many reasons - few people leave a divorce the way I did and with as much I did but there are days when I cry over where the next meal is going to come from and I go without so the children don't.

The contempt you show your children and your ex wives says far, far more about you and your 'bitterness' than it ever could about them. But I guess you'd be here bemoaning the situation even if your ex worked full-time and was more than capable of supporting your children herself. The fact is, you don't see why you should support your children financially, do you?