Surely Family should support each other?

Soleil_lune

Hope you're feeling a tad better today Susan xxx

SlimmingSusan

Am feeling massively worse, time is running out. My mother has been invited by me calling her to make a gesture of compassion towards me.It will never happen.

I spoke to funeral director earlier in the wek, requesting that, if the ashes are being split up anyway, I may have some. It may be weird, but people grieve in different ways and I cqannot see, that once the cremation of the body has happened, why then go and bury it in a cold place to rot in the ground.

Have even asked the undertaker very strong questions which he is answering.

He says he has never seen a family like this before, my fathers ashes are going to be interred and some are going to be scattered in the goal mouth of the local village football teams field, which has been land owned by the team for at least 70 years, and the team my dad was president for when he died. The football field is next to the churchyard.

The undertaker suggests that ashes do not go into the earth on the day and that I scoop some up after the ceremony.

Mother said to me today, that the undertaker had approached my son, and she was not prepared to split the ashes up to let me have some. I said she was already doing that and she put the phone down on me. This will affect me forever.

Soleil_lune

Oh Susan. (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) I don't know what to say. I am so sorry you're feeling bad.

SlimmingSusan

I actually wish I was suicidal, because at least I could be with the only person who has never judged me and loved me unconditionally I'm not though and have to live with my nightmare of a family.

heartbreak_star

Lots of love to you Susan.

Please get some counselling to see you through this, you should not have to be alone.

When I lost my dad, I tried to have the mindset that his body was just the shell he left behind - that the essence of "him" is somewhere else now. It really helped - we scattered his ashes at sea as he loved the sea.

Try and think of personal things you can do to remember him...releasing balloons, planting a tree, buy a piece of jewellery?

Overall, try to ignore how nasty your mum is being. She's hurting too.

I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

HBS x

SlimmingSusan

And have been intouch with the wonderful compassionate vicar, and asked for prayers and meditation beforehand, to remember my dad, on my own, without the negative energies around me. Am also going to the 11am communion service and remembering and contemplating

paulineb_2

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

I actually wish I was suicidal, because at least I could be with the only person who has never judged me and loved me unconditionally I'm not though and have to live with my nightmare of a family.

Seriously, no matter how low you are just now, please dont say that, its one of the worst ways to lose someone and I speak from experience.

My grans ashes were scattered at a crematorium, too far for me to go to, I dont drive.

Im really sorry for what you are going through but I agree, ashes or a grave isnt the person you loved, they will still be with you no matter where they are buried or scattered.

I think of my gran every single day, and when I think of her I think of her as she was, I dont think of her when she was dying or after she died.

You dont lose the memories just because you dont have someones ashes.