As an adult how much do you/should you tell your parents?

GwylimT

If your own children were ill in hospital would you want to know, or would you rather they chose not to tell you and instead you find out from someone else?

Upsidedown_Bear

sacha28 wrote: »

Are you married? If you are then this statement is correct, if you aren't then I'm afraid that, legally, his parents are NOK.

Next of kin is not defined in law and you are able to nominate anyone you want.

Some info here:
http://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/next-of-kin/

AlexLK

When I was admitted into hospital after an attempted suicide, my wife informed my parents without me even knowing. At the time we hadn't spoken in a couple of years due to me wasting a very substantial amount of money they gave me and had I known I would have told her not to inform them. However, I can honestly say it was the best thing my wife could have done in the circumstances as it brought my parents and I close again.

You most likely know what is best for your husband in these difficult times.

AlexLK

monkeychops wrote: »

I am not ashamed of his illness. As I said above, I have suffered badly from depression. His parents are very old school though and believe that you should always "keep a stiff upper lip" and look upon something like depression as "pathetic" and that people should pull themselves together.

Having just read this and if you are really sure that is how they would behave, I think it would probably be best to keep them away. Though, my wife presumed my parents to be similar - they were / are in fact not.

Sorry if this is rather incoherent, I find talking about this awfully difficult even now.

RAS

AlexLK wrote: »

Having just read this and if you are really sure that is how they would behave, I think it would probably be best to keep them away. Though, my wife presumed my parents to be similar - they were / are in fact not.

Sorry if this is rather incoherent, I find talking about this awfully difficult even now.

Thanks for sharing. Perfectly coherent.

Ames

In my case it's not so much do I tell them, more that they wouldn't care.

To be fair when I landed in A&E with my mental health last year my dad and sister did come over from Scarborough after dad finished work, but really they just mae things worse. They're both of the 'pull yourself togeter there's nothing wrong with you' mentality.

WantToBeSE

I dont have a good relationship with my family, so i dont tell them anything.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

personally i chat to my mum nearly everyday and she knows 99% of my life.

in this case you BIL has no place what so ever in telling anyone your OH is in hospital, you should call him and make it plain that its not your wish to withhold this information to his parents its your OH decision, make it plain you OH will be distraught, probably have more anxiety if they are told than if he would if he could just get on with being treated, tell you BIL would he be able to cope knowing he may push his brother into another episode as a direct result of his actions!.

you OH want to control the amount of anxiety and fuss that his MH will cause to him and others, and as such you BIL should keep his nose out and respect his brothers wishes.

**professor~yaffle**

For me it depends completely on what the medical problem happens to be.

Mental health issues no, or I just give them very basic information without going into detail, because they have no insight into that kind of thing and see it as a weakness.

Anything of a 'sensitive' nature I would not share with them either because they gossip a lot and I hate the thought of all and sundry knowing about something that's very private.

Another thing is, if you tell people, they could try and cajole you into having (or not having) certain treatments, or try and make or influence decisions for you. Or try to make out they know better than you/the doctor (!!) what's wrong.

I am not saying never tell people anything, but your health is your business, and if you wish to keep it private you should do so.

If someone finds out, just tell them what you're happy to tell them, and no more. You can always bat off nosey questions and give vague or general answers if necessary

lostinrates

Upsidedown_Bear wrote: »

Next of kin is not defined in law and you are able to nominate anyone you want.

Some info here:
http://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/next-of-kin/

My husband and I found hospitals kept wanting to speak to my parents not him when I was very unwell. It was a strong motivator for us marrying. (Though not the only one).


Op, my parents know I am unwell but not the ins and outs of it. I prefer it that way because I find it gives me some independance. In my case sadly I often have to rely on one of them as transport to hospital. They know things now like ' I go to eyeclinic' and some of the types of consultants I see, but not the full nature of my condition. This works well in my family because of the nature of the people and the relationships. They know enough so that nothing that happens is out of the blue, but not so much that they become martyrs to my cause.

One of my parents moved in with me and its been mutually neneficial. We were reaching the stage where living independently while I maintain is very possible indeed, does require more forethought, and my parent didn't want to live alone on the breakdown of their marriage.

I would however seek some support for yourself. Whatever the nature of the illness, spouses/ partners carry a burden. For your own sake, and also so your partner can be relieved of guilt , knowing you are supported will help you both somewhat I think. I certainly wish my husband would get some.