Getting your paws on your OHs pension/retirement plan after divorce

atush

lots of gits here, apparently lol.

thriftylass

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I have been, at different times, a full-time working partner of the marriage, the main breadwinner, a working mum and a SAHM,.

When my son was young being a SAHM was hard, but once he went to school I got bored so did a degree and then got a part-time job. I actually do not think being a 'housewife' is hard work and never have done.

I agree with posts that said it depends how hard you work at it. I work full time (DS is in nursery) and on top of that I spend at least three hours cooking, washing, cleaning and tidying everyday. And that is just the necessities. If I were at home and lets say the kids are in school I could easily fill my time with cooking (preparing meals for the week by batch cooking), baking my own bread and cake. Making and mending things (clothes, presents etc to save money). Tending to the garden (grow own veg). AND the list goes on. Of course if you see house work as a hoover once a week and a quick mircowave meal than yes it'd be hard to fill your time.

And re splitting everything. Of course, sharing is one of the most important things you do in marriage. If you're not willing to do that don't get married. I agree with the posts that also pensions are just assets. If you don't want to split things or give your wife any of it make sure she is highly paid herself and you don't have kids. Or have a pre-nub.

atush

As a SAHM, I built a house which remains our largest asset.

Yes, I project managed, but I also tiled, painted etc. Took adult classes in re-upholstery, and soft furnishings to save literally thousands on furniture and curtains/blinds, landscaped the garden and grew our own. I also looked after our investments, and holiday home. I cooked fresh food everyday, no takeouts. I even volunteered at our children's school as a TA in science.

It is all about the time and effort you put in, not just pushing round the hoover, and reheating ready meals/leftovers.

borkid

bigadaj wrote: »

Well that going to take what, a couple of hours a month.

That lost is mainly made up of things that people would do at weekends or evenings anyway, though fair play to them if they really were making the kids clothes, that would be time consuming!

Yes I was making most of their clothes. Hubby worked long hours then came home and studied for exams ( in the first 6 years of our marriage) after that he was still working long hours or on call some evenings and week ends depending on the time of year. Because his work involved accounts/ phoning people I eneded up doing all of that and yes the basic household accounts didn't take long but trips to get money from the bank ( not many ATMs then) and phoning around for insurance deals, researching savings and all the other things did take time, not vast amounts. I also cooked all meals from scratch to help reduce the bills. We had a garden and an allotment so a lot of gardening.

The biggest drain on my time though was the children before they went to school. They needed constant watching and were not just left infront of the TV, this was 30 + years ago though. Once the children were at school I went back and retrained then worked part time so that they were never latch key kids, even when they were in their teens.

I'm not saying I did anything out of the ordinary but it annoys me when people think SAHM have an easy time. As someone in an earlier post said it depends what you put into it. I know I would much rather have been working full time when my children were little but I wasn't ( and neither was my hubby) prepared to let someone else take care of our children in their formative years.

Thanks atush I forgot I did the decorating and made all the curtains.

seven-day-weekend

borkid wrote: »

Yes I was making most of their clothes. Hubby worked long hours then came home and studied for exams ( in the first 6 years of our marriage) after that he was still working long hours or on call some evenings and week ends depending on the time of year. Because his work involved accounts/ phoning people I eneded up doing all of that and yes the basic household accounts didn't take long but trips to get money from the bank ( not many ATMs then) and phoning around for insurance deals, researching savings and all the other things did take time, not vast amounts. I also cooked all meals from scratch to help reduce the bills. We had a garden and an allotment so a lot of gardening.

The biggest drain on my time though was the children before they went to school. They needed constant watching and were not just left infront of the TV, this was 30 + years ago though. Once the children were at school I went back and retrained then worked part time so that they were never latch key kids, even when they were in their teens.

I'm not saying I did anything out of the ordinary but it annoys me when people think SAHM have an easy time. As someone in an earlier post said it depends what you put into it. I know I would much rather have been working full time when my children were little but I wasn't ( and neither was my hubby) prepared to let someone else take care of our children in their formative years.

Thanks atush I forgot I did the decorating and made all the curtains.

So therefore you were not 'a housewife'. You were looking after the children while they were little and then later retrained and got a part-time job. Just as I did, because we didn't want a latch-key kid either. I went back to work full-time when he was fifteen.

By 'housewife' I mean someone who just stays at home and does housework after the children have gone to school or grown up, and whilst that is absolutely their choice, I personally found it stultifyingly boring after my son started school. So I did a degree, got a part-time job. I too volunteered at the school.

I did the household accounts and cooked, but those have to be done whether you work or not. I didn't make clothes though.

doughnutmachine

borkid wrote: »

The biggest drain on my time though was the children before they went to school. They needed constant watching and were not just left infront of the TV, this was 30 + years ago though. Once the children were at school I went back and retrained then worked part time so that they were never latch key kids, even when they were in their teens.

I'm not saying I did anything out of the ordinary but it annoys me when people think SAHM have an easy time. As someone in an earlier post said it depends what you put into it. I know I would much rather have been working full time when my children were little but I wasn't ( and neither was my hubby) prepared to let someone else take care of our children in their formative years.

tbh, it equally annoys me when SAHMs make out they are doing a full time job. I'm not saying SAHMs don't do an important job, but let's not kid ourselves that being a SAHM is a full time job.

There are a lot of single people that do a full time job then have to go home do the housework/ paperwork/ gardening/ cooking etc.

borkid

doughnutmachine wrote: »

tbh, it equally annoys me when SAHMs make out they are doing a full time job. I'm not saying SAHMs don't do an important job, but let's not kid ourselves that being a SAHM is a full time job.

There are a lot of single people that do a full time job then have to go home do the housework/ paperwork/ gardening/ cooking etc.

I think it really depends on what stage in the children's lives we are SAHMs. Once the children are at school then there is more time in total unless of course we are adding in the mums who have a very large garden 1 acre plus feed the family that way. I only know of one mum who had school aged children school age who didn't go to work either part time/ full time or from home, she did however do a lot of work for the school going in nearly every day to help and on the PTA.

When I was single running a home for just me was a doddle, I could eat when I wanted and what I wanted, paper work was done when I felt like it as I always kept a running total in my cheque book, 1 lot of washing from a basically clean job, 1 bed flat and no garden. Compare that to washing for 4, very young children need clean clothes a couple of times a day older children sports kits etc, 3 bedroom or larger house where the other occupants tend not to put things away when they've finished with them and food needs to be ready at a certain time and the meals well balanced, garden varied from 40' x40' to just under an acre.

atush

It also depends on the size of the house, and if you have help (ie gardeners, cleaners etc).

I challenge the above naysayers to look after a 5 bed house with over 2 acres as easily as they do a 2 bed terrace/apt.

I'd be happy enough watching donut look after 3 under 5 lol. 30 mins would kill them.

TBH, I wanted and preferred to work and hire a nanny/cleaner etc. But where we lived, my specialty did not exist. So I had no choice as any other work I did, did not even pay enough after tax to cover childcare for 3.

retrained as a teacher when the youngest reached 9, but then budget cuts meant the classes i would have taught no longer existed. So then I taught for free.

doughnutmachine

atush wrote: »

I challenge the above naysayers to look after a 5 bed house with over 2 acres as easily as they do a 2 bed terrace/apt.

TBH, I wanted and preferred to work and hire a nanny/cleaner etc. But where we lived, my specialty did not exist. So I had no choice as any other work I did, did not even pay enough after tax to cover childcare for 3.

retrained as a teacher when the youngest reached 9, but then budget cuts meant the classes i would have taught no longer existed. So then I taught for free.

A 5 bed house with 2 acres is harder to look after than a 2 bed flat? Seriously? Thanks for stating the obvious.

Good to know that you manage to be a SAHM and be a part time teacher. Does that not reinforce the idea that being a SAHM is not a full time job?

jem16

doughnutmachine wrote: »

Good to know that you manage to be a SAHM and be a part time teacher. Does that not reinforce the idea that being a SAHM is not a full time job?

Considering your view of women in general, I am sure that you don't feel that a SAHM does anything useful.

doughnutmachine wrote: »

Imho letting woman vote was the reason Britain lost it's empire.

Sad to see such a male chauvinistic point of view these days.