F@$ k me any help

Cotton_wool_katie

Hi

Been lurking for a while and things at my end have come to a head today. Was hoping for a bit of help/ support.

The Hubby n I haven't been right for a while we split 12 weeks ago and 9 weeks ago agreed to give us a go for our marriage n kids found out today he has been seeing someone for 7 weeks. Im devastated still love him n would have him back tomorrow. Is this the right thing or not? Where do I go from here. Whenim down I get really down self harm suicide etc. Dont know what to do.

Please any help advice greatly welcome

Cwk

Excited13

Big hugs as I really can't tell you what to do but it must be so hard especially with kids.

I would say don't stay together just because of the kids as it does more harm than good (I know that) but do what feels right. Could you ever trust him again or will you always doubt him?

I wish you the best of luck.

Cotton_wool_katie

Thanks excited13 no I dont think I could ever trust him again but I love him with all my heart. Its !!!!:-(

Dimey

Questions to ask yourself....
Has he said why he felt comfortable to betray you during a time when you were both supposed to be trying afresh?
Does he plan to stay with you?
Is he embarrassed or remorseful about the sordid nature of his behaviour?
Does he feel any guilt for being deceitful to you and the children (if you have children)?

Based on the summary you've given it doesn't sound to me that your husband's heart is in your relationship. It sounds like sooner or later he'll move on.

When parents go backwards & forwards with each other, it confuses, worries, scares and basically does the children no good. Especially if they can see one or both of you are unhappy or distraught.

I'm worried about your ability to handle your relationship OP, given what you said about the adverse way you react when you're down. I suggest you visit the Doctor to tell him what you are going through and get appropriate counselling or help.

Sorry to mention but while you're at the Doctor, you should probably get an STD test, as should your husband.

If you do part permanently then you could try to compartmentalise your emotions. Put to one side that you love your husband and keep that knowledge as something that is in the past and can be grieved about in quiet private thinking & crying time. And eventually hardly ever thought of at all.

Focus your energies and time and most of your emotions on creating a new happy, loving, safe & secure life for your children and yourself. Keep busy with building and protecting that precious new life.

If you stay together then take one day at a time and your husband will have to change his lifestyle so he doesn't put himself, you or the children in a position where you are worrying where he is or what he's doing. Try to find out whether your husband loves you and find out what you have in common that you can build on. Talk to each other all the time and tell each other how you are feeling.

Netwizard

Unfortunately, once trust is gone, its hard to ever get that back 100%, but I agree with everything already said in this thread

Cotton_wool_katie

Dimey

Yes we do have kids n no its not fair to be going back and forth hence me telling him we are over but its not what I want.

All of the questions you asked I asked him and he doesn't know the answer to.

We have been doing the talking and feelings part but obviously that didn't work.

Thank you for your post I need to go re read it for it to go in.


Netwizard

Yep im thinking yr right


Thank you both for your responses

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

When you thought about posting this thread, you didn't think that using a relevant title might help a little. Something like "maggiage help required". Instead you went with some in-your-face swearing. Good going, OP.

Pollycat

Cotton_wool_katie wrote: »

The Hubby n I haven't been right for a while we split 12 weeks ago and 9 weeks ago agreed to give us a go for our marriage n kids found out today he has been seeing someone for 7 weeks.

Being brutally honest, he doesn't appear to have committed 100% to this second chance, has he?

What has he said about why he started seeing someone else 2 weeks after this agreement to try again?

What does he want to do?
With the best will in the world, regardless of how much you love him, if he wants to carry on seeing this other person, you need to end it for your own sake (and sanity).

Cotton_wool_katie wrote: »

Whenim down I get really down self harm suicide etc. Dont know what to do.

You need to go see your doctor now.

VfM4meplse

Cotton_wool_katie wrote: »

down I get really down self harm suicide etc. Dont know what to do.

Please any help advice greatly welcome

Cwk

Your OH is not doing you any favours, nor sticking to his agreement to foresake all others. Get him out of your life and concentrate on looking after your family and building up your own self worth.

Not easy by any means!

marisco_2

Cotton_wool_katie wrote: »

The Hubby n I haven't been right for a while we split 12 weeks ago and 9 weeks ago agreed to give us a go for our marriage n kids found out today he has been seeing someone for 7 weeks.

In my opinion the above tells you everything you need to know about how your husband feels about your relationship. At a time when you had both committed to working at things, he chose to lie to you and betray you by seeing someone else behind your back. Trust and mutual respect are fundamental elements of a healthy relationship to me. Once that is gone many couples find it hard to move forward together positively. You know what you share with him best and if there is any chance of getting back on track. I am so sorry for all you are going through. I hope you have the love and support of your family and friends to help you through this difficult time.

19lottie82

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

When you thought about posting this thread, you didn't think that using a relevant title might help a little. Something like "maggiage help required". Instead you went with some in-your-face swearing. Good going, OP.

If you really don't have better things to worry about, I feel sorry for you.