Stress of secondary school choices

vanessav

It is so tempting to think that if your child gets into a grammar school or if you pay for private school, then you can stop worrying and they will achieve. I live in an 11+ area and was pleased when my eldest got a place.
After about a year and a half at an (all boys) grammar school, son was clearly miserable. Academic it may have been but socially it seemed to be a sorry round of bragging about girls, competition about trainers and sports-related fallings-out.
Son now goes to a local comprehensive, which may not be as academic results-wise but seems far more intellectual. Son's friendship group is quite deep thinking!
Of course my argument could also be about mixed sex versus single sex. And mine is just one anecdote.
Just don't automatically assume that the private school will expose your son to a 'nicer' environment. It may just give him a restricted set of social rituals, which leave him less freedom to be who he wants to be. Just because a classroom does not contain overt 'disruption' does not mean that there aren't peer-to-peer undertones creating havoc with learning.

Alpha58

claire16c wrote: »

I think though, that if you go to a private school and get the same A level grades as someone else who went to a state school, on average the state school pupil will get the better grade at uni.

Errrrr....can you explain this?!

Person_one

Alpha58 wrote: »

Errrrr....can you explain this?!

Its true:

http://www.theguardian.com/education/2013/jun/16/accesstouniversity-private-schools

Basically, state school pupils are better able to cope with the independent learning and self-direction required by universities. Private school pupils struggle without the level of support/prodding they've got used to,

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

Its true:

http://www.theguardian.com/education/2013/jun/16/accesstouniversity-private-schools

Basically, state school pupils are better able to cope with the independent learning and self-direction required by universities. Private school pupils struggle without the level of support/prodding they've got used to,

I will admit to some surprise at that.

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

I will admit to some surprise at that.

It makes a lot of sense actually, getting As in a tough comp probably represents far more of an achievement than getting As in a strictly academically focused grammar or private school.

At university, the lecturer's won't ring your mum if you aren't showing up to classes, or go through your coursework with a fine tooth comb to help you get the best grade, and there are ever so many delightful new distractions.

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

It makes a lot of sense actually, getting As in a tough comp probably represents far more of an achievement than getting As in a strictly academically focused grammar or private school.

At university, the lecturer's won't ring your mum if you aren't showing up to classes, or go through your coursework with a fine tooth comb to help you get the best grade, and there are ever so many delightful new distractions.

Exactly.

I don't find it surprising at all.

If you're at a bad comp where some kids are a big distraction in class that can cause problems not to mention stuff like money for computers, research, facilities etc

Then when you get to Uni you're all the same, no extra help there.

pawsies

I went to private I came out lacking social skills and looking down on others. I went to public college and it changed my life. I firmly believe parents can influence children's success by helping them to study which inevitably gets them better grades. If you feel he struggles in 1 subject hire a tutor. You can't substitute education for social skills I missed out on so much by going to all girls private.

mumps

silvercar wrote: »

SO we can't send our kids to private schools, we can't send to grammar schools. So, according to you, we have to send to a low performing school just because of where we live???

Who are these "people like you"? People who care enough about their children's education to research the options available?

When my son passed his 11 plus I got some stick from a neighbour, active socialist, very political, shouted at me in the street about my decision. A year went by, her son was now 11 and I asked her where he was going :rotfl::rotfl: Yes, you guessed it, he had passed his 11 plus and was going to the local grammar school. I couldn't help smiling and she got very cross all over again.