CSA Help Please!!!!

Csa_Survivor

jarhead66 wrote: »

Well written CSA survivor!! true their are a few people on here who bury there heads in the sand when the words suicide and CSA are used in the same sentence, some on here actually think that no one has ever taken their lives because of the CSA,
Yes I agree with you about the training video's, I have been told in the past by staff from the CSA that my CSA payments are more important than buying food or my mortgage payments. It was as though the N.R.P's are a bunch of winging scum or as David Cameron called us dead beat runaway Dad's!!
You do get the impression that the CSA believe that the poor P.W.C. is staying in a freezing cold damp house with her pinny on doing home cooking trying to make ends meet, buying the kids second hand toys!!
anyhow !!!!

Thanks for your support jarhead66, I suppose its only natural for anyone with CSA connections to bury their head in the sand, after all, how would anyone with any kind of sense for justice be able to do that job once they thought about it too deeply and the possible end results!
My comments are not intentional to wind people up, I am not what I think is known as a troll on this site I promise. I do actually feel a slight twinge on the two or three occasions I have touched on the subject of people taking their own lives in relation to the CSA. I do feel bad about it because I realise that there are some good people on here offering their help, so it is slightly uncomfortable to touch on the subject. However, it should not be swept under the carpet and on certain occasions people need reminding of this, because to people like myself that has listened to every radio story, tv documentary and newspaper article over the last 20 years related to the CSA it is more than obvious to me!
As for the likes of David Cameron they are all just hypocrites, anyone old enough or interested enough will remember that before Labour came into power there was story after story of Tory MP's betraying their wives, and therefore their children too! Who does not remember the pictures on the telly of the pathetic desperate wife being brought out to the front gate with their philandering cheating husbands arm around their back, desperate to hang on to the trappings of the money associated with being married to an MP! Harsh I admit, but nevertheless true!
Comments from people like him need taking with a massive pinch of salt, a lot of them do not have proper marriages, they are more like business deals. I always grew up thinking that love conquers all, and that despite two persons differences in lifestyle a couple truly meant for each other would overcome all that. I realise that obviously a lot of them get together because they meet in the same circles, but seriously, how many MP,s do you think married their cleaner, they all marry similar people where money is the only connection!
When their marriages obviously break down eventually its ok for them because they earn enough to still carry on an extravagant lifestyle even after divorce and supporting their families so they ought to keep their mouths shut!

pd001

Csa_Survivor wrote: »

but I do genuinely believe that in years to come when there are not the obvious reporting restrictions that there are nowadays related to CSA victims deaths!

Are there really reporting restrictions related to CSA victims deaths?
Oh, and by the way, before people make unnecessary comments, I do believe that there are many CSA victims deaths.
But reporting restrictions? Really?

Csa_Survivor

JJWSJS8700 wrote: »

David Cameron, in his Fathers' day speech was only referring to 'deadbeat runaway Dads' to the ones that are.....so it's up to each and NRP to decide - if the cap fits, let them wear it!

The trouble is though most Dads are "forced away" not "runaway". If he was that bothered about Dads maintaining contact then he should be doing something about it, by automatically giving the parent without the day to day care some kind of automatic rights, nobody tell me that something cannot be done in that respect somehow!
I often wonder how many NRP'S set off with all the best intentions to maintain contact, but then after being drained of a large chunk of their money barely leaving anything to live on, slowly, surely and not unsurprisingly NATURALLY, as sad as it seems, start to lose contact. All this on top of the PWC not always, but lets face it, usually, playing games to some degree or another just pushes the NRP further and further away by messing them about with contact!
I appreciate that when he uses the term deadbeat runaway dads he is actually referring to those that totally disappear etc , but, if you read all the things he actually says in that interview, whatever it was, there are things that are very offensive to your normal NRP.
It seems simple to me, help them stay around and they will stay around!

Csa_Survivor

pd001 wrote: »

Are there really reporting restrictions related to CSA victims deaths?
Oh, and by the way, before people make unnecessary comments, I do believe that there are many CSA victims deaths.
But reporting restrictions? Really?

Hi pd001,
Over the years it is the overriding impression that I certainly have about CSA related matters, not particularly suicides, I should have been clearer there, but overall!
I just think its not coincidence that more isn't made of some of these tragedies that occur and other very negative stories about the CSA. Yes, every now and again they will throw a bone out and report the very basic information around the story, but not go , or delve any deeper into the reasons behind the tragedy whether it be a suicide or some bloke losing the plot and taking others with them.

clearingout

Csa_Survivor wrote: »

Hi pd001,
Over the years it is the overriding impression that I certainly have about CSA related matters, not particularly suicides, I should have been clearer there, but overall!
I just think its not coincidence that more isn't made of some of these tragedies that occur and other very negative stories about the CSA. Yes, every now and again they will throw a bone out and report the very basic information around the story, but not go , or delve any deeper into the reasons behind the tragedy whether it be a suicide or some bloke losing the plot and taking others with them.

of course there are no reporting restrictions on deaths 'caused' by the CSA. The CSA doesn't go around murdering people - suicide is a choice that some people take when life gets too much for them. It is impossible to say that an NRP who has had to deal with his wife's affair, the breakdown of his marriage, having to get used to seeing his children less, having to accept another man in his place, dealing with solicitors and the courts and the financial strain of this, that has to keep a roof over his head and support his children has committed suicide because the CSA contacted him/made a mistake/hounded him....All of that contributed, potentially, to someone making a decision to kill themselves. But that's their choice. The CSA didn't push them under a train or make them jump off a tall building or take thouands of pills.

I suspect we hear little of the CSA generally in the news because it is absolutely impossible to work out the rights and wrongs of it all. My ex would tell you a sorry tale of CSA harassment, attempts at removing his assets, turning up on his doorstep etc. He would paint a picture of the poor put upon NRP who's just trying to earn a crust and get on with his life. I can tell you different - size of his house, car, business turn over, all very clear to see by anyone who wants to look. His bank statements would show he never pays anything towards the upkeep of his children. Anyone who knows him would tell you he sees his well-dressed, clean, happy children very regularly. As a journalist, looking into the CSA with any depth, you will find there are indeed 2 sides to every story and very, very few stories show a totally innocent NRP.

Csa_Survivor

clearingout wrote: »

of course there are no reporting restrictions on deaths 'caused' by the CSA. The CSA doesn't go around murdering people - suicide is a choice that some people take when life gets too much for them. It is impossible to say that an NRP who has had to deal with his wife's affair, the breakdown of his marriage, having to get used to seeing his children less, having to accept another man in his place, dealing with solicitors and the courts and the financial strain of this, that has to keep a roof over his head and support his children has committed suicide because the CSA contacted him/made a mistake/hounded him....All of that contributed, potentially, to someone making a decision to kill themselves. But that's their choice. The CSA didn't push them under a train or make them jump off a tall building or take thouands of pills.


I suspect we hear little of the CSA generally in the news because it is absolutely impossible to work out the rights and wrongs of it all. My ex would tell you a sorry tale of CSA harassment, attempts at removing his assets, turning up on his doorstep etc. He would paint a picture of the poor put upon NRP who's just trying to earn a crust and get on with his life. I can tell you different - size of his house, car, business turn over, all very clear to see by anyone who wants to look. His bank statements would show he never pays anything towards the upkeep of his children. Anyone who knows him would tell you he sees his well-dressed, clean, happy children very regularly. As a journalist, looking into the CSA with any depth, you will find there are indeed 2 sides to every story and very, very few stories show a totally innocent NRP.

Hi clearingout,
Of course there are usually other facts to consider when someone unfortunately goes down this sad route. However I think it is the CSA ultimately topples a lot over the edge by consistently making wrong assessments, hounding people etc, they are the ones who give the final , hardest kick in the teeth to those people who don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with everything.
Lets face it, the combination of events you list above must be horrible to live through but as long as someone has a few quid left in their pocket most would eventually come through all that, forget about the ex and move on. For someone to come along and then demand up to 30% of there wages ,if they are still on CSA1, for possibly up to the next 20 years I would say is more than enough to be classed as responsible for their deaths in my view!
How is anyone then supposed to pay the parasites to represent them in court for what should be an automatic right to see their own kids for goodness sake, oh yes, without doubt the CSA I would say are the ones holding the smoking gun!

clearingout

Csa_Survivor wrote: »

Hi clearingout,
Of course there are usually other facts to consider when someone unfortunately goes down this sad route. However I think it is the CSA ultimately topples a lot over the edge by consistently making wrong assessments, hounding people etc, they are the ones who give the final , hardest kick in the teeth to those people who don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with everything.
Lets face it, the combination of events you list above must be horrible to live through but as long as someone has a few quid left in their pocket most would eventually come through all that, forget about the ex and move on. For someone to come along and then demand up to 30% of there wages ,if they are still on CSA1, for possibly up to the next 20 years I would say is more than enough to be classed as responsible for their deaths in my view!
How is anyone then supposed to pay the parasites to represent them in court for what should be an automatic right to see their own kids for goodness sake, oh yes, without doubt the CSA I would say are the ones holding the smoking gun!

and what of the PWC who struggle following the breakdown of a marriage? you don't think that PWC have to deal with affairs, lack of money, the stress of legal fees, an ex who is attempting to replace her parenting role with the new girlfriend etc. etc. etc? I wonder how many of us have committed suicide as a result of the CSA not doing it's job or indeed, how many of us haven't committed suicide because ultimately, the CSA kicked in and homes weren't lost and childcare bills could be paid, and legal costs were covered...

Show me a struggling NRP and I'll show you a struggling PWC.

Csa_Survivor

clearingout wrote: »

and what of the PWC who struggle following the breakdown of a marriage? you don't think that PWC have to deal with affairs, lack of money, the stress of legal fees, an ex who is attempting to replace her parenting role with the new girlfriend etc. etc. etc? I wonder how many of us have committed suicide as a result of the CSA not doing it's job or indeed, how many of us haven't committed suicide because ultimately, the CSA kicked in and homes weren't lost and childcare bills could be paid, and legal costs were covered...

Show me a struggling NRP and I'll show you a struggling PWC.

Hello again,
Don't get me wrong, I realise that both parties suffer through separation. I think we are getting off topic here, I personally blame the CSA for a lot of deaths in the last 20 years since it has been going, most of them happening to be men, that is just plain fact, I don't understand why we are now talking about the PWC having a hard time?, if I am missing something here please tell me because I thought I was just having a rant about the CSA having a damn lot to answer for hopefully in the future , not about who is worse off through separation!
Anyway, although I can guess the PWC has it hard too they do have the ultimate gift if you like , the child or children living with them in most cases, as I am sure you will agree. Having the kids around can only be a great help emotionally to the PWC and help them get through the bad times when separation occurs, however difficult and tiring a job it is to bring them up alone. The NRP usually has usually moved out, living in unfamiliar surroundings, rarely gets to see his kids without being mucked about to some degree or another, then to top it all off gets hit with a massive unrealistic bill from the CSA, that's all I am trying to say.

pd001

Csa_Survivor wrote: »

Hi pd001,
Over the years it is the overriding impression that I certainly have about CSA related matters, not particularly suicides, I should have been clearer there, but overall!
I just think its not coincidence that more isn't made of some of these tragedies that occur and other very negative stories about the CSA. Yes, every now and again they will throw a bone out and report the very basic information around the story, but not go , or delve any deeper into the reasons behind the tragedy whether it be a suicide or some bloke losing the plot and taking others with them.

You probably do have a valid point

Gigglepig

OP degarding child maintenance payments it is irrelevant whether your parter sees his child or not - bottom line is that the child still needs food, clothes, a roof over its head etc etc. (Don't get me wrong, it is of course very sad that the other parent disregard court orders for access - can your partner get legal advice on potential solutions to that?)

But - and I'm sorry to say this - perhaps your partner should not have gotten a second child, if his finances were already stretched?

As for the csa killing people..
Surely the root cause here is that 1) children are expensive 2) splitting up so one no longer has two adults in the household caring for them, children become even more expensive.

perhaps people need to give a thought to how they would support their offspring in the event of changes in circumstances, before they have offspring (or unsafe s*x)

And, accept that if you split up, a massive drop in living standard might be the consequence - this is of course very rough but just how it is. paying for the child should come before paying mortgage on a house, it might be necessary to sell up and rent in shared accommodation etc.