Dad won't accept fiance

Takeaway_Addict

What does he say when you ask him (which I presume you have) 'Why don't you like X?'

Saveitandsee

Dad has nothing to lose when I get wed and everything to gain. My fiance is a wonderful man who would do anything for me and my children.

No, my fiance is not my children's Dad. Their father has chosen to have nothing to do with them. He's brilliant with my children. He does everything that a Dad should. When he's here, he helps them with their homework whilst I make dinner, he gives the older one really sound advice on issues, he has done so much for my disabled child to encourage development and will attend the school with me and contribute productively to disability review discussions. When they misbehave, he never so much as raises his voice to them - he explains what they've done wrong, why it is wrong and what we would like them to do instead.

I have had a very bad relationship previously with the father of my children. He turned out to be a violent bully. I've had one other relationship in between the father of my children and my fiance. Dad didn't like him but he had reason to and I accepted that - but he never, ever treated him the way he does my fiance.

Dad hadn't spent a great deal of time in fiance's company before the engagement - mainly because I live a distance away from Dad and even further from fiance so getting us all together was difficult but for the time he did spend with him, he was absolutely fine with him. The week after we announced it, he went cold. Nothing changed in that time except I had a ring on my finger.

I'm not offended by any questions folks - There is nothing Dad has been told about fiance - fiance lives hundreds of miles away where everyone absolutely adores him. Nobody up here knows my fiance or didn't until we began dating. Fiance has no criminal record, he gets checked for his second job and I've seen the result myself.

Ames, I think you might have a point. Fiance is mildly but visibly disabled and this did cross my mind before. He has a physical disability but there is nothing wrong with his intelligence, he has a very high IQ and is educated to degree level. I asked the direct question and got the response that Dad had no problem with that but I'm not convinced. I even went to great lengths to explain how the disability rather than holding him back in life has motivated him to do the amazing things he had done.

peachyprice

Surely you stopped being Daddy's little princess when you grew up and had children of your own (were they with this partner or a previous one).

I really doesn't make any sense that he's treating you like a teen bride now. Is there more going on in his life that is causing him to transfer his anger onto you/your fiance?

Person_one

That would be a very easy and uncomplicated explanation, but have you ever had any reason before this to suspect that your dad is prejudiced against disabled people?

meritaten

I may be going down the wrong track here - and usually wouldn't mention a persons disability. BUT, being of an older generation, I am wondering this..............
Does your dad think your fiance incapable of fathering any more grandchildren? (he may think you are hankering after more?). Does he think your fiances disability could shorten his life? leaving you a young widow?
Does he think that your fiance claims benefits for his disability?
Does your dad have a problem concerning the type of disability your fiance has?
I have heard all sorts of 'irrational' reasons come out of peoples mouths about 'disability'.
my mum really offended me and DD by saying that she felt so sorry for my GS as he will 'never live a normal life and get married or drive a car or have a job - !!!!!! - he has Aspergers, and is quite capable! its just that people can hold some funny ideas and you really need to get to the bottom of dads antipathy towards your fianc!.
otherwise how comfortable are you going to feel walking down the aisle on dads arm?

Vicky123

It looks like it is the disability as he has raised concerns over fiancee being able to support you, this would also tie in with him not being able to offer a reasonable explanation, to come out and say it's because he's disabled would show him up in a bad light.
Hopefully I'm completely wrong but it's the only thing that stands out.

FatVonD

Do you own your own home? Does your dad think you marrying him could cost you dearly if it doesn't work out?

marisco_2

What a total shame it is when a grown man is choosing to behave so outrageously, toward another man who he has made no effort to get to know. Happy instead to make baseless assumptions about him and to spread groundless rumours around. Add to this, that by doing so he is deeply upsetting his own daughter and losing contact with his grandchildren. Sorry to be blunt but your dad is an arrogant fool OP, way to full of his own self importance.

I feel very sorry for you because I know just how much it would hurt me if my dad were ever to behave in this manner. I think a very frank conversation with your dad, making it crystal clear to him just what he stands to lose if he continues in this vein is well overdue. Your fianc! sounds like a very decent guy, who has tolerated a lot out of respect for you, but a person will only put up with so much. If this situation isn't addressed once and for all I fear it could put an awful strain on your relationship.

Saveitandsee

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

Interesting, I presume the Dad doesn't have a problem with your disabled child?

He won't accept that there is anything wrong with her (she has an 'unseen' disability but has been diagnosed since 2010 and has the input of 3 separate departments)

FatVonD wrote: »

Do you own your own home? Does your dad think you marrying him could cost you dearly if it doesn't work out?

Nope, I rent. Fiance's family are reasonably well off themselves.

geoffky

You need to have that once in a lifetime talk...Then move on if it does not work...

And i thought the title said dad will not accept finance...I was going to say i do not blame him..