sister being distant, possible taking advantage of me

outlooks

This year I've been unwell on a few occasions and under section, the CMHT like to put it down to 'triggers' that set you off so to speak and one of them was my sister being distant and never making the effect to visit or phone me, she's my only family really so our relationship is important to me, being ex care kids and all....

It was agreed that I would help pay towards travel expanses, eg petrol so she can afford the trip to see me at least once a month, round trip would be 36 miles and me seeing her in between by bus... I pay her £48 a month for petrol... Now its been three months and she still hasn't got around to visiting me, still doesn't ring or show any interest when I ring her, she's always busy.... When I visit her we have to do what she wants all the time, look around shops mostly.... I do enjoy time I spend with her so thats not a problem...

Mostly I'm upset that she isn't living up to her promise and doesn't make the effect to see me at all. When my CPN asks me our things are going with my sister I lie and say okay so my CTO of through smoothly and doesn't get renewed..... Should I even pay her the money...... Do you think I should concentrate on my friendships and stop contacting her, it could be months until contacts me if ever.... I don't know,:(

DollyDee_2

Are you paying £48 per month even when she doesn't visit?

£48 is a lot for 36 miles.

Raksha

Did CHMT suggest paying your sisters expenses, or was it your idea? Did CHMT suggest any way of looking at the problem from another point of view? Maybe your sister hates being a charity cases? Maybe she really is having a good time and is really busy? Triggers are important, but shouldn't be used to manipulate other people into doing what you think they should do, but recognise them and how you're going to lead a full life despite them.

imho

Can you not go out and meet people ? is there any clubs you can join where you live.
I would stop paying her the cash to visit you even if she was turning up.
Whats that saying you can pick your friends but not your family so i give up with her as she is not a good sister to you at all.

Mojisola

I'd use the money to get out and socialise locally and make good friends.

Your sister doesn't sound worth the efforts you're making.

portly1

outlooks wrote: »

one of them was my sister being distant and never making the effect to visit or phone me, she's my only family really so our relationship is important to me,

I have a sister and she is my only surviving family member. The last time I spoke to her and had a decent conversation was over 40 years ago.

I haven't seen or heard from her since - she has a psychiatric problem and seems to blame me for everything bad that has happened in her life.
I don't need the agro so why bother with someone who doesn't want to bother with you.

soolin

A friend of mine has only a sister remaining of her family, they have not spoken at all now for 7 years and my friend says she would hang up the phone if her sister ever called.

You don't need your sister, blood relatives are Not necessary, a good friend or circle of friends can be much more rewarding. Save your money and spend it on trying to meet new friends.

swheatley

I agree with others that you should try and establish a social life and friends separate from your sister. I would certainly not pay her to visit you. I know you say she is important in terms of your triggers, but I would not cut her out of your life, but would leave the relationship for her to pick up.

I know it is hard but you can cope without the hassle and worry in your life. Let us know how you get on.

Good luck

HB58

£48 is a lot of money per month, it would certainly pay for more than one trip! If your sister isn't even bothering to visit you should stop the payments and use the money for other things.

skibadee

Definetly stop the payments..... not to sound harsh, but, what are you paying for, if she doesn't come to see you all you are doing is lining her pocket.

If your sister has been recognised as one of your triggers I would be telling your CPN the truth from now on, they can only help you if you tell the truth.

Bigmoney2

Could you go to see her instead?

I agree with other posts, you need to make a life for yourself. Join some groups and find some friends.

Oops just reread your post

when I ring her, she's always busy.... When I visit her we have to do what she wants all the time, look around shops mostly....

Why shouldn't you do what she wants when you visit.

To be blunt, you sound a bit needy and self centred.