Struggling house husband with school aged children

DKLS

Sounds like he needs a size 11 up the backside, and man up and provide for his family seeing as he isnt a house husband in any way.

Shape up or ship out.

shop-to-drop

DKLS wrote: »

Sounds like he needs a size 11 up the backside, and man up and provide for his family seeing as he isnt a house husband in any way.

Shape up or ship out.

This too! :rotfl:

sulkisu

pukkamum wrote: »

I think the trouble here is that a lot of women still feel or are made to feel the majority of household jobs still come down to them regardless of the work dynamic.
Some men take full advantage of this either consciously or unconsciously.
It is up to women to make it clear to these men and to themselves that this is unacceptable.
Waiting for these men to suddenly have an epiphany and start doing their fair share is futile.
Speak up!
Oh and as I said to my friend in an almost identicle position who claimed she could do it better, it's easier this way.
Grow a pair, stop being a perfectionist, trust him and stop being a martyr.
P.s this goes both ways men or women doing it all.

Well said - this is so true. I am currently at home with three children (oldest is nearly 3 plus 11 month old twins) and despite this, I still manage to cook a meal. It really isn't that difficult to shove something in the oven, or peel a few vegetables with one eye on the kids. It is possible to put clothes in the washing machine and dishes in the dishwasher, if you have one. Okay the house may be a bit of a tip, but we both deal with that at the weekend. It just seems that when the homemaker is the father, we expect and accept less.

DKLS

shop-to-drop wrote: »

This too! :rotfl:

It needed saying, the Ops fella has a choice:


1. Be a house husband and a proper one at that not one of those that runs the hoover round and gives the kids a pot noodle for their lunch so they can go and play golf.
Am talking about spotless house, clean, well fed, entertained and educated kids AND catching up on DIY/decorating and gardening.

2. Get a job, bring in the readies AND help with a fair proportion of the chores and kids.

3. Do neither and potentially lose wife and child, Children grows up knowing what a !!!!less waste of oxygen he is. He dies a lonely existence in a nursing home drooling into his PJs.

pukkamum

I think many couples underestimate just how much work running an efficient, clean, tidy and comfortable home involves. Especially when children are involved.
This week I have had to get everyone to dental appointments, one kid to a hospital appointment, a class assembly, a homework meeting, organised finances, paid bills, done shopping, made 10 meals, washed every day, cleaned every day, helped with 3 lots of homework, the list goes on.
For one person not going out to work it is a huge amount, to do all that on top on working full time, just hideous.
Somethings got to give, things slide leading to chaos, guilt and resentment.
Women need to make a stand, delegating jobs without seeing it as some kind of failure.

Prothet_of_Doom

DKLS wrote: »

It needed saying, the Ops fella has a choice:


1. Be a house husband and a proper one at that not one of those that runs the hoover round and gives the kids a pot noodle for their lunch so they can go and play golf.
Am talking about spotless house, clean, well fed, entertained and educated kids AND catching up on DIY/decorating and gardening.

2. Get a job, bring in the readies AND help with a fair proportion of the chores and kids.

3. Do neither and potentially lose wife and child, Children grows up knowing what a !!!!less waste of oxygen he is. He dies a lonely existence in a nursing home drooling into his PJs.

I agree with most of this, but my wife was a stay at home mum, and I didn't expect the house to be spotless, or even for there to be food on the table for my return, or for her to do DIY, or Gardening, because she made it clear that her role was to do all that stuff with the children that you mention.

Because we have a joint account, and we were skint there was never any use of money that wasn't absolutely needed.

Prothet_of_Doom

sulkisu wrote: »

It just seems that when the homemaker is the father, we expect and accept less.

I'd like to think that my "brothers" have something to prove, and had I been a house husband, I'd have been trying to be 10 times 'better' than my female equivalent.

Better, in so many ways.

Having said that I have had a few weekends on my own with teenagers, and on one of those they choose to push me to my limit. :eek:

DKLS

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

I agree with most of this, but my wife was a stay at home mum, and I didn't expect the house to be spotless, or even for there to be food on the table for my return, or for her to do DIY, or Gardening, because she made it clear that her role was to do all that stuff with the children that you mention.

Because we have a joint account, and we were skint there was never any use of money that wasn't absolutely needed.

I wouldn't expect my wife (if she stayed at home) to provide food, diy or decorate. I dont subscribe to that.

But I do have a more traditional view of what a father should be, I was always told a father should provide for his family, and If he cant provide financially for whatever reason that may be, there is no reason why he cant up his game and make life better for all of the family.

downshifted

My dh was an early househusband, by mutual choice. Our daughter is 29 now and he looked after her full time from 6 months onwards. It was rare then, and family looked askance. His boss took him to one side when he resigned, to ask if he was really sure about this.

We joke about his first day at home alone with her - he and she were both fast asleep when I got in, having missed them all day and longing for a cuddle from both. He was exhausted from cleaning, cooking and caring - he had cleaned windows and scrubbed floors as well as all the satndard stuff - just to prove he could do it all!

He did relax afer a while, but he always did more than his share. He also made the local mother and toddler group change their name to parent and toddler, and he went to play group and volunteered for the heavy weight stuff - setting out tables and chairs etc.

It worked well for us, he has a great relationship with our daughter (as do I) and it gave me chance to build my career. But if I had felt he was taking me for a ride I would have made my feelings known pdq!

Both partners have to be fully engaged to make this work :-)

[Deleted User]

pukkamum wrote: »

I think many couples underestimate just how much work running an efficient, clean, tidy and comfortable home involves. Especially when children are involved.
This week I have had to get everyone to dental appointments, one kid to a hospital appointment, a class assembly, a homework meeting, organised finances, paid bills, done shopping, made 10 meals, washed every day, cleaned every day, helped with 3 lots of homework, the list goes on.
For one person not going out to work it is a huge amount, to do all that on top on working full time, just hideous.
Somethings got to give, things slide leading to chaos, guilt and resentment.
Women need to make a stand, delegating jobs without seeing it as some kind of failure.

^^^^^^
I second this, I rarely get proper me time as there is ALWAYS something else that needs doing. I just can't ignore it and do what I want to do. There is only me to do everything and I don't want to live in a pig sty and I want the kids to be well brought up. But I would rather put in the extra and know I am doing my best than not.