Why do people allow themselves to always be a victim?

paulineb_2

Not all depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be caused by a reaction to external events

Also, if people have woe is me friends, thats up to them. If I surrounded myself with negative people and then complained about it, Id maybe ask myself why I did that in the first place?

Im speaking in general terms.

ilovelondontown

paulineb wrote: »

Not all depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be caused by a reaction to external events

Also, if people have woe is me friends, thats up to them. If I surrounded myself with negative people and then complained about it, Id maybe ask myself why I did that in the first place?

Im speaking in general terms.

I stand correct you're right not ALL depression is chemically linked.

As for remaining friends with someone who is negative in nature, I would have to say that just because someone is a negative person, doesn't mean they are a bad person, one of my oldest, dearest friend is like this but it doesn't mean I don't want to see her, it's just the way she is.

**professor~yaffle**

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Buy them this book:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/S-U-M-O-shut-Up-Move-Brilliant/dp/0857081292/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1379950646&sr=1-1

Seriously, it is great.

or a packet of these

annie_d

Yep, it's just the way it is. I have a very close relative who thinks/feels/behaves this way. It is exhausting and draining for me.

I have tried all kinds of ways to deal with it. I can't ever not pay attention, that's not an option. It's very hard work though.

I have ordered her the S U M O book. I will try anything and everything. Forever.

marisco_2

missty25 wrote: »

They ask for advice, moan constantly about all the problems in their life, without stopping to bother about other people's problems. When suggestions are made they come up with excuse after excuse as to why numerous options are not suitable, when you tell them they will just have to get on with things if they aren't willing to help themselves they take offence. And they bring those around them down but can't see it and when it's pointed out to them they still can't see it.

I have known a few people like this over the years. They can be extremely draining and exhausting to be around. They will never change and seem to thrive on living in negativity. I worked out that all you can do is limit your interaction with them, and how much you allow them to affect you. I smile and offer a solution which I feel is helpful. When they start to respond with the predictable list of reasons why the suggested approach wouldn't work, I cut in after a bit and say 'Oh well, I tried my best, sorry my advice cant help this time, I hope you find someone who can solve this dilemma for you'. Then I make a swift exit.

meritaten

nzmegs wrote: »

This is known in Cognitive theory as "the game" or something similar. The key is not to indulge them in their favourite pastime. they ask for help and then set about tearing down every possible option offered to them

The reason is that what they are actually asking for is sympathy. All they actually want is for you to agree and say "oh how terrible for you - that must be awful". then offer them more cake or something.

they have no desire to fix their situation because it suits them. they get sympathy, attention and nice things because of it.

Don't play the game. if they moan, change the subject. don't offer advice and never reward them with sympathy or anything else for their moaning.

Perhaps you could say "Well, what are you going to do?". When they say "There is nothing I can do" - say "oh, well never mind...next subject...".

yes ^^^^^ exactly this - my degree was in Psychology (not that that would help here) and from personal experience I know they moan for sympathy, not practical help. its a form of Munchausens Syndrome maybe with a bit of Narcissism mixed in. its attention seeking behaviour - if you actually solved the problem they would hate you forever!

Hermia

annie_d wrote: »

Yep, it's just the way it is. I have a very close relative who thinks/feels/behaves this way. It is exhausting and draining for me.

I also have a relative like this and it is indeed draining. She keeps making really bad decisions and then moaning about them and then refuses to makes things better and then moans about that! She will also complain about everything. If you buy her the best ticket to a concert by her favourite band for her birthday she will complain that she had a ten minute walk to the venue or will moan because the bar ran out of apple juice. ARG!

maisie1234

How true this thread is! They just drain the life out of you. I agree with others, it IS attenion seeking, woe is me, you are all so lucky, but they make bad decision after bad decision and just spent their life complaining. The close relative I know like this I just try and avoid which isnt that easy.....

meritaten

They are known as 'psychic vampires'. They drain you of energy! you sit there listening to their 'tales of woe' and as you become more and more tired - they become more energised! they 'feed' on your sympathy.

Sequeena

I know a few, and yes they are very exhausting. It puts me off trying to help.