Feeling bullied by ex

Wilma33

If he won't show your his pay slips then it seems very likely he is underpaying you. Longer term, I think you would be much better to go through CSA so he can't bully you with money and you would probably get more.

Wilma33

How often does ex pay you? You could contact CSA on the day he pays you so they have the maximum possible time to sort it out before you are owed the next lot of money. Might work well if he pays you monthly, less so if it's weekly.

grey_lady

I think you should be doing what's best for your daughter rather than being bent over backwards by your ex. She needs to spend time with her mummy rather than being caught up in this confusing pull/push situation.

Jones01

I really hope he's not working his way up to 50% of the time, at the moment I think it's just him still trying to control everything, and still calling the shots as and when he wants to.

He pays maintenance monthly so it's a good idea to contact the CSA on the day I get the payment - thank you Wilma33 I would never have thought of that! Although I'm still quite nervous about doing that because of the extra nights she's been staying with him over the past few months. It would be extremely hard financially if the payments were to go down even further - mainly because I had to take out an extra mortgage loan to buy him out of the property for which I'm paying a very high interest rate - but had no other choice.

double_mummy

with CSA you can budget properly because you know you will get x amount as long as he isnt self employed

him working fulltime on minimum wage with him having child 3 nights a week would means he pays £21 per week for him having child 2 nights a week is £27 per week and for 1 night a week its £32 per week so not massive amount of difference unless he is earning a good wage

personally i would go to csa asap and stick to the court ordered times

i was a child of a split couple from when i was 2 and the thing i hated most of all was these surprise times where i thought i was doing one thing then suddenly changed to being with a new person and their different style of parenting and in a new place it was horrible and got to the point where i was worried when i was spending time with one parent if i was suddenly going to go to the next place

it is better for your LO to have a strict routine if things are being changed (holidays etc) they can be explained well in advance so that your LO can prepare themselves for it

duchy

What on earth was the point of going to court and getting access agreed if you are both going to ignore it ? If things escalate and it goes back to court that's the first thing the judge will ask.

Go back to the court agreement and don't take his word for what CSA say he should be paying -put in a proper application so he can't argue and you know he's paying the correct amount.

If he wants to vary days for good reasons (eg a special event) only do it as a swop day and say you've been told you could get into trouble with the court if you mess with their schedule too much so that's the best you can do.

He'll rant and rave a bit no doubt but ultimately that's all he can do if you stand your ground and refuse to let him bully you.

tattycath

Wilma33 wrote: »

If he won't show your his pay slips then it seems very likely he is underpaying you. Longer term, I think you would be much better to go through CSA so he can't bully you with money and you would probably get more.

I wouldn't dream of showing my ex my wage slips and Mr tc would show his ex his wage slips-it has nothing to do with underpaying maintenance, it's called privacy and has absolutely nothing to do with them.
In fact I don't know any separated couples who would show wage slips to their ex.