Children's birthday money question please!

skintandscared_2

Hi.

I have a bit of a moral dilemma and just wondered what others would do.

I'm aunty to 3 children, but don't have any of my own. When the kids were young I'd obviously get them presents for birthdays and Christmas, but now they are older I usually send them money (in a separate, franked, solicitors envelope wrapped in my firm's cardboard terms and conditions which has never failed to arrive safely).

The usual amount is a £20 note.

This month I am a bit strapped for cash. My OH is not working at the moment, but we're managing.

I can really only afford to put £10 into a card today for my nephew's birthday tomorrow. He'll be 17 (so not a child, really). In 3 weeks it's his brother's 15th birthday, but I'll have been paid by then and a little more flush. It was their sister's birthday back in July and I sent her £20.

Should I:

1. Put £10 in the card, say no more and do that from now on for them all.
2. Put £10 in the card with a note that there will be another £10 for him in with his brother's card in a few weeks but I'm a bit skint at the moment (he'll understand I'm sure).
3. Put £20 in this card and tighten our belts for the week until payday next Friday, send £20 for next nephews birthday and from then on just do £10 as standard for them all.

What would you do?

paulineb_2

Id be honest and do b if you are happy to keep sending them all £20.

Or after you send this last lot of £20s you could say things are tight and you'll be reducing it to £10 after that, its the gift thats important, not the amount thats my view.

peachyprice

As their sister has already had her £20 I would slip an IOU in with the card and send it to him when you have it along with his brothers.

Next year, if things are still tight then reduce it down to £10 from the first birthday.

I'm sure others will say just give him the £10 and let him be grateful for it, but it's a bit harsh when all the birthdays are close together and you've already given to one.

Gigglepig

If you have already given one of the 3 siblings 20 I would give the other two the same amount, so they are all treated the same.

If money is tight you could stop the monetary gifts after they turn 18 and from then on only save up for big occasions such as 21st birthdays?

FatVonD

I'd tighten my belt and put £20 in but that's probably why I'm in debt :rotfl:

My inlaws always stop giving gifts once the kids reach 18 but give a bigger monetary 'send off' gift for their 18th birthday (not suggesting you do that but maybe now is a good time to drop hints that you'll be stopping at 18?)

candygirl

I'd do the second option

FatVonD

Actually, reading back that your OH is out of work I'd say £10 is fine and do that for the 15 year old too. Speak to your sibling and explain. The one that has already got £20 has just had a bit of a bonus this year.

lazer

When do you get paid - can you delay sending the card until then and it would only be a few days late.

Or send him a cheque then it will take a while for it to actually be cashed

TinyToes

If it were me i would tighten my belt and send the 20. Then if you wish, from next year send 10 per person.

DigForVictory

A tenner & an IOU will last longer than a twenty & may encourage the recipient to learn to budget &/ore meditate on the joys of delayed gratification.
The news that the money has to stop eventually can be broken before Christmas.

Spendless

How old was the one you sent £20 in July?

My kids and my sisters kids all have birthdays in the same month and in order of age. Only when I added up my youngests birthday money and it was £20 more than her brothers had been at the beginning of the month, did I realise their Great Grandmother had sent my son £20, my sisters twins £30 each and my daughter £40. Nan has dementia, so won't have had a clue what she was doing. The kids didn't notice as their ages were, 13, 12 and 10.

If you've given to a tot back in the summer, you can probably explain the situation to your sister and reduce for the older two. If it's a sibling closer in age I'd either send £20 or do the IOU.