Partner has been gambling away savings :(

LMac

To keep a long story short, last night my partner admitted to having gambled away around £4k since April. He is not in debt, but has no money left ( we manage our money quite separately with a joint fund for bills etc)

He has asked me to block the sites using the software I use for my DDs protection online.

I'm wondering if anyone can give any tips?

I've gently and lovingly suggested gambleaware.
I'm asking him tonight to show me his gambling accounts and then close them in front of me. I don't suppose there's any way for them to ban him from setting up new account?)

Kayalana99

Some sites actally allow you to 'ban' yourself from them for a time period...although I don't know how long it bans you for tbh and if they all do it...would be worth doing though as if you delete you can make a new account, if you ban yourself from it it doesn't allow you on it till the time limit is up.

dawyldthing

if you've got talktalk you can sign in and block all gambling sites from that. I think other providers do it too

LMac

Thank you. I've now watched him cancel one account but they are making it difficult- one you email, so its not immediate, the other you have to call. It's blocked from our laptop now but obviously there's other places to gamble.

He doesn't want to talk about it tonight ( not much of a talker anyway- I like to discuss everything in detail! But he's annoyed at himself - I guess it's his Lightbulb Moment and its not a good feeling)

Kayalana99

LMac wrote: »

It's blocked from our laptop now but obviously there's other places to gamble.

Tbh, standing above him making him delete the accounts does nothing - cause your 100% right in this...if not this site wont it be another?

Either trust him to not do it anymore, or demand to see his bank statement every month/2 weeks so that if he does gamble you can see.

I think you need to decide if you want to trust him or supervise him basicly but I doubt your going to find anything that can ban every site and him deleting it isn't going to help anything when he can just re open them anyway so it proves nothing.

marisco_2

It may not feel like this right now but for a gambler to have a light bulb moment, and to decide to stop their destructive habit having only lost 4K and not having got themselves into debt, is a good starting point for them to sort themselves out properly. I hope your partner can work through this and seek appropriate support so he doesn't behave so recklessly again.

Takeaway_Addict

https://www.gamblock.com costs £40 a year

also, k9 is a good program, its free and u need to put the password in so he can't change the settings.

LMac

Hopefully the software will ban most things. The closing of the accounts was, i hoped, more a psychological thing for him. He offered to show bank statements etc to me last night. ( still sent to his family home as he's only just moved in with me this month) Hes never really had the responsibility of a home and family before ( I have a dd already and we are expecting a baby in January) and so he's really rather foolish with money.

While I'm concerned about appearing on the verge of financially abusive, I've also suggested that I basically take his pay and give him spending money. He would still have access to the rest of the money if he wanted, but not by card etc so its not "easy". Plus I check my accounts daily and would see anything missing. I pay myself pocket money and gave done for years, so its not like ill be spending left right and Center and depriving him!

LMac

Thanks K9 is what we have installed, so pleased to see it recommended.

Marisco - thank you. I do see its a big thing but I'm concerned that he will slip so I want to be as supportive as possible so he feels he can chat to me rather than secretly gamble in the future.

It's so sad though as I have been selling stuff and buying things for new baby second hand or heavily discounted in sales. I've been scrimping and saving so hard, turning down coffee out with friends, saying no to dd when she begged for new book costing £6... and he's just let so much money just drain away. That's 2 v nice holidays worth ( we decided we couldn't afford to have any this year and that's when I thought we had £15k in combined savings) I actually want to scream and rage at him.

scaredy_cat

speak to Gamcare - http://www.gamcare.org.uk/

freephone - 0808 8020 133

they can offer you and your partner free counselling.

with regards to cancelling his accounts, it the site is a UK owned company then they have to do as he requests report them to Gamcare.

Treevo

LMac wrote: »

Thanks K9 is what we have installed, so pleased to see it recommended.

Marisco - thank you. I do see its a big thing but I'm concerned that he will slip so I want to be as supportive as possible so he feels he can chat to me rather than secretly gamble in the future.

It's so sad though as I have been selling stuff and buying things for new baby second hand or heavily discounted in sales. I've been scrimping and saving so hard, turning down coffee out with friends, saying no to dd when she begged for new book costing £6... and he's just let so much money just drain away. That's 2 v nice holidays worth ( we decided we couldn't afford to have any this year and that's when I thought we had £15k in combined savings) I actually want to scream and rage at him.

He hasn't done this - he's consciously chosen to make his daughter's life worse in order to have his gambling kicks.

I wouldn't be screaming and shouting if I were you - I'd be in a cold fury and he'd be gone until he'd dealt with his issue.