toxic in laws

Principia_2

I don't think it is up to you to warn anyone about someone else based on your own relationship with the hated person. I personally would say nothing unless asked.

People are different with different people and sometimes they do actually learn from experience. Your children are old enough to forge their own relationships and make their own assessments.

However, even if your children find this woman the most gracious wonderful person in the world...that doesn't make your relationship and experiences with her any less valid, do not be sucked into trying to defend why you don't get along. Sometimes people just don't, for whatever reasons and no one should feel that the way they feel needs to be validated or defended.

marisco_2

My advice is to step back and let your adult son make his own mind up about his grandmother. I am sure you have raised him well and that he is an intelligent and astute young man, well able to quickly get the measure of someone. He will either decide to stay in contact with her or it will fizzle out of its own accord.

mountainofdebt

I have a similar situation in that I haven't really spoken to my father in 23 years and as a result he doesn't know anything about Junior apart from what he's been told by my sister who does bother with him.

Personally if Junior decided that he wanted to have a relationship with him now then I think that would be up to him but I would hope that Junior would respect my opinion and not try and 'convert' me.

If she's as horrible as you say she is then your son will soon see through her.....as others have already said let him be the judge

Shelldean

different relationships but my ex never had a good word to say about me and my new partner or our kids etc etc, but I bit my tongue when DD visited her Dad. I figured when she was an adult she's soon work things out for herself. Once she was 18 I didn't bite my tongue quite so much, tho I wasn't out and out nasty like he was. And sure enough she has worked things out already, she's only 20 and has seen his true colours in all their nasty glory.

SO I suggest you warn you son but let him make up his own mind about his relationship with Nan?

As he is an adult he can make his own choices?

Sparklyfairy

pollypenny wrote: »

she sounds vile, op.

Your son will soon find her out, so let him get on with it.

If she is nice to him, maybe she has learned that she risks being a lonely old woman .

+ 1,000,000

Bennifred

OP, I think you need to have faith in your son. I know you're afraid that she will try to drive a wedge between you but I'm sure your relationship is strong enough to withstand her efforts. If she starts bad-mouthing you he'll know who to believe - most sons are fiercely loyal to their mothers!

lizzie157

Thankyou all for your comments. I have decided to explain to him why I feel like I do (without too much detail of incidents -just in general), impress upon him that whatever happens I personally don't want anything to do with her but if he does then I respect his decision. I am still worried (perhaps that's my own insecurity) but again that's my problem not his.