dating websites newbie

lics

Ok so one year after my relationship break-up it's time for me to take that step and join a dating website but... which one? And which one to avoid? I don't want to pay for now, at least until I give it a try. And... any do's and don'ts re: to the online etiquette? Last time I had a date was in 2005 so I'm a bit unsure about things. Thanks for any tips!

NervousHomeowner

I had the most success on OkCupid, which is where I met my boyfriend. I've since recommended it to lots of people - including my mum! She met someone on there too I think it's got a good mix of people and is easy to use, plus it's free.

With regards to online etiquette - you'll get the best response if you put up a recent picture of yourself (Apparently women have the most success when their picture shows them smiling!) and fill out your profile thoroughly so people have a good idea of what you're like. Don't feel like you have to respond to everyone if you don't want to and expect some slightly odd messages! Remember that you can block people from contacting you if you're not happy with how they behave.

As far as dating goes, don't leave it too long to arrange a meet up/date once you find someone suitable! Make sure you like them before you arrange a date but don't fall into the habit of messaging back and forth for months before you meet up as it's a sure fire way to build someone up in your imagination and then end up disappointed when you meet.

For a first date, I always think meeting up for coffee is a good idea - it's a public place, you can talk to each other properly compared to something like a cinema and you can make your date as long or short as you want depending on how it's going, unlike something like a meal where you're stuck there for 3 courses, even if you hate the guy With coffee, you can just have one cup if it's going bad with the excuse of 'Oh I'm so busy so I can only stay for one drink!' or you can stay longer if you're having a good time!

Don't give any info out until after you've met up a few times & you're sure they're who they say they are. Always let someone know where you're going and what time you're going to be back. If you want to give a phone number, only give your mobile. Also trust your guy! If you think someone sounds too good to be true or they're a bit weird, chances are that you're right!

Most of all, just have fun and don't take it too seriously It's a great way to meet people and have a bit of fun and you end up with some great stories at the end of it!

southoftheriver

I know people turn their noses up, but I met my boyfriend on okcupid. Yes there were a few weirdos but I spoke to quite a few genuine men.

Make sure your pictures show you how you want to be portrayed. I decided not to have my assets on show as that would attract a certain type of response, and made a list of things I wanted to achieve in life rather than attributes of a suitor! Seemed to work for me.

Good luck

Saturnalia

Avoid Plenty Of Fish! I got inundated with crude messages from lairy lads looking for casual sex - I'd put on my profile I was looking for a relationship.

Of course, if people want that sort of thing, Plenty Of Freaks is obviously the place to go for it!

lics

Okay so it looks like Okcupid is a start, how about smooch? Somebody mentioned that to me.

@NH you're giving me hope although it does seem like a lot of legwork/talking before actually meeting someone but one question, are you asking them their full name? I think that makes sense?! How about stuff like facebook, access to profiles before actually meeting, as that would give an idea of the other person? You can always block/delete afterwards?

@southof assets? You mean don't show a photo wearing a swimsuit?

My trouble is with writing a profile, I've no clue what to say.

paulineb_2

I know many people who met their partner on POF, yes there are idiots on there but there are a lot of decent people on there

Ive heard very mixed reviews of smooch.

lics

So I took the plunge and signed up for okcupid, took me an hour to fill out the profile and I got three messages saying that I'm hot and what am I doing tonight (although I haven't uploaded any photo yet). What a start.

Moggins_2

I met my husband on plenty of fish and having recommended two of my friends to it they have also met long term partners on there, none of whom are weirdos! You just have to rise above the messages wanting a quick fling and be patient for someone nice. Also don't put too much thought into people's photos, my husbands were a bit rubbish so I was in two minds whether to meet up with him, decided to go for it and he turned up looking gorgeous (to me anyway!)

NervousHomeowner

lics wrote: »

@NH you're giving me hope although it does seem like a lot of legwork/talking before actually meeting someone but one question, are you asking them their full name? I think that makes sense?! How about stuff like facebook, access to profiles before actually meeting, as that would give an idea of the other person? You can always block/delete afterwards?

Yeah, it is a bit long winded sometimes! The biggest time suck is setting up the profile though, once you've done that you can just start answering messages if/when it suits you!

Personally, I gave them my Facebook if I thought I liked them enough to want to meet up. My mum on the other hand only gave them her Facebook after a few dates. Her reasoning was that although you can unfriend someone on Facebook, you actually have quite a lot of personal information on there that can show someone where you live, where you spend your time, where you are at a certain point (e.g. if someone tags you in a 'location' post) and that if they then turn out to be a weirdo, they then already have that info on you. I think she's a bit paranoid but I guess a happy medium might be waiting until you've met up once and then give them your Facebook if you got on?

lics wrote: »

So I took the plunge and signed up for okcupid, took me an hour to fill out the profile and I got three messages saying that I'm hot and what am I doing tonight (although I haven't uploaded any photo yet). What a start.

Well done! It is a bit of a faff filling out the profile but it's worth it! Ignore the daft messages, the real ones will be coming soon enough!

lics

MSE should also have a dating section :-) I'm sure many would be interested.

Person_one

I would recommend doing a free trial on some of the paid for websites. They regularly have free weekends, or other offers if you keep your eye out.

The fact that people have generally had to pay to subscribe does filter out a lot of the timewasters. Obviously there a still a fair few oddballs out there, but you won't be constantly harassed for sex and trying to spot the genuine ones among all the pests!