Finally - deep breath - Zulu Dawn SOA

tealady

Don't forget to reclaim any bank charges as well. I would check you house is in the correct Council Tax band, mine wasn't so i am just waiting for my local council to catch up with the valuation office changes and send me a refund.

Crown

Zulu_Dawn wrote: »

But look at it this way. You haven't been going off to the south of France on your own and spending on hotels and casinos (uh, have you??? lol).

Not any more!

But that is the core of the problem. How can i expect my wife not to spend £12 on getting her nails done (or give up her home) after I have blown a six figure sum on the spin of a wheel or the turn of a card.

I'm totally committed to the DFW way of life but then I'm the one who got us into this fine old mess.


ZD

I know exactly what you mean as I too am a recovering compulsive gambler as we discussed on a previous thread. I have become a devout DFW and preach to anyone who listen but I have arguments with my family as although all the debts arent all down to gambling at least 25% of them are :mad:

I havent got the answer but sure would like to know myself! One thing I have done now I have stopped was be completley honest and I have come to a agreement that we are in it together and will clear the debts. We now give ourselves Pocket money what we can do what we like with. It is now made clear that we do not use credit of any type and when our pocket money runs out thats it until next month when we get paid. No excuses.

Zulu_Dawn

Crown wrote: »

I know exactly what you mean as I too am a recovering compulsive gambler as we discussed on a previous thread. I have become a devout DFW and preach to anyone who listen but I have arguments with my family as although all the debts arent all down to gambling at least 25% of them are :mad:

I havent got the answer but sure would like to know myself! One thing I have done now I have stopped was be completley honest and I have come to a agreement that we are in it together and will clear the debts. We now give ourselves Pocket money what we can do what we like with. It is now made clear that we do not use credit of any type and when our pocket money runs out thats it until next month when we get paid. No excuses.

Hi Crown,

How is the gambling side of things going. I've been completely gambling free in 2007 and managed most of 2006 with just a couple of (expensive) slips. I go to GA and tihs has been great. I also have found that the freedom to be completely honest has really helped. I used to get very upset with my wife spending money but couldn't really say anything an so just got upset. Now at last I can because I have become incredibly virtuous!!!!:rotfl:

Pobby

Glad to here that GA is helping.As a recovering gambler I sure have a lot more money in the bank than I had years ago.For myself I did 20 years ``in action`` and am now a long way into recovery.

Zulu_Dawn

Hi Pobby

Does it get easier? I feel a lot of pressure currently but I know I don't want to go back.

blackangeluk

[QUOTE=Zulu_Dawn;5449058__I_also_have_found_that_the_freedom_to_be_completely_honest_has_really_helped.__I_used_to_get_very_upset_with_my_wife_spending_money_but_couldn't_really_say_anything_an_so_just_got_upset.__Now_at_last_I_can_because_I_have_become_incredibly_virtuous!!!!:rotfl:[/QUOTE]

I spent a long time pretendint to my husband we had all the money in the world to spend, now I feel I am on his back all the time if he spends £10 but he knows I am being honest and I hope he respects me a little more

Good luck

Crown

Hi, Ive not had a bet in 4 Months although was sorely tempted last Thursaday when a flat I owned was repossessed. I am pleased to say that I didnt give in to the old temptation though and just spoke to one of the other G.A. Members.

I so wish I had found G.A. sooner. As you say not worrying about the credit card statements or were we are gonna get the money to stay "in action" is priceless. I actually feel Im getting back in control of life and you certainly appreciate things much more when your mind isnt full of of all the !!!!!! we think about when were at it.

I now think to myself everytime I get the urge

What has gambling ever done for me?
Will actually having a bet solve my problems?
Do I really want to have to go back to G.A. and andsit in the chair and tell them I broke out.

So far this has done the trick and long may it continue

Karmacat

Hi ZD
I am so, so sorry about my quip above about the south of France etc. I've just re-read your first post, and you state quite clearly about the recovering addiction. Please excuse my thoughtlessness.

On that issue, I love Crown's post just above this one- the questions there to ask yourself. I have my own issue I'm struggling with several times a day (indecisiveness about an income stream) and I think I'll adapt those questions to my own situation.

I understand what you're saying about your wife's situation, and hers in relation to her friends. Its something that you have to work on over time.

My other thought is around say the ironing/cleaning. We pay £8 per hour to our lovely cleaner. I really should look to use the time I would otherwise spend doing these things to do something productive rather than just take those costs on. My job pays me £45 per hour - surely I can come up with something that will get me more than £8 per hour.

Now this is my kind of quote! Exactly - thats the kind of constructive contract you make with yourself: "If I carry on paying the cleaner, I do something long-range mse, like setting up a new income stream of some sort." :A

Sea78

Hi

I think most of what I would say has been said! I would recommend somehow getting your OH on board though - perhaps print out this thread when we're all finished and show her? Maybe a joint goal (not just becoming debt free) could bring you together to not spending so much money? Of course, sign up to all the usual - pigsback, quidco for your insurances etc. This might help to bring in a little extra for things like the gifts as that is an area I struggle in too. I find getting those vouchers really helps as I can either give those, or buy a lot of BOGOFs, reduced and sale stuff (eg from boots) and this I find is really satisfying. Actually thinking carefully about the gifts, makes them more special anyway.

Sea xxx

Verbatim

Hi ZD,

You really have made incredible progress.

The only thing I can add to everyone's suggestions is do you really need two cars? I see that there's atravel card, for you I think for work and I know your wife drives to work. Cars are expensive to maintain, tax and insure so having only one would save a good bit plus if it's an expensive car selling it would enable you to pay off a wodge or maybe pay off the holiday which would instantly free up that £250 a month.