tracing lost family

borkid

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I had thought about that but was worried it might look stalkerish.

I had to do this once to find an ex colleague who had retired. I knew he was looking for a little work for 'pin money' and when I heard of some I realised I didn't know his home address.

Re stalkishness you will only be contacting her once and then not directly so she can easily ignore you is she so wishes.

UKTigerlily

Mojisola wrote: »

There's an Australian board on Rootschat - https://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?board=165.0

Try a question on there.

Hi, thanks but i'd tried on there & got a reply it's not really for tracing living people? I have no idea if she's alive or not she'd be almost 90 if alive now

kt1inamillion

Hey guys looking for some help.... but 1st....OP have you had any luck?

I think I have found the address for the people who adopted my brother I would like to write to them but unsure what info I should put in the letter...do I put in all the info I have (presume not)?....do I ask them to confirm the info I have is right?....what info is best to put I the letter? Should I also tell them where I found their details (if it was the other way around I'd like to know.)?

Any tips/advice greatly appreciated!!!

poet123

Hard letter to write. I would just say that you have information that leads you to believe that they are the adoptive parents of.....and then put in a plea that they consider your request to.....whatever you want the outcome to be. You will have to consider that they may not want to facilitate your meeting for their own reasons. Is there a way you could (if it fails) contact the sibling direct? (assuming they are over 18)

I wouldn't say much more in an initial letter, any explanations can come later imo.

meritaten

yes, I did this and wrote to 14 people I knew were connected to my nan - I had 4 replies and one person was kind enough to give me the info - the rest either ignored my letter or didn't want to reply. I understand why, but if it wasn't for one person I wouldn't know anything about my nans birth mother, I am so grateful to them.
This was from a cousin of my nan - he knew quite a lot!

duchy

When my OH was looking for his birth mother he spoke to the local council who dealt with the adoption and as well as giving him all the family background reports which were very helpful in tracing siblings they also put him in touch with an adoption social worker at our local council. This man was amazing gave great advice and also found the final missing piece and acted as the go between contacting his mother...... The letter he wrote was very careful not to mention names or adoption as you don't know if the current partner or siblings etc know the adoptive child exists.......just said he was writing on behalf of someone she knew back in his birth year. A clear message if it was the right person but not enough to breech privacy if the wrong one.

kt1inamillion

I know my half brother knows he was adopted as he was about 8 years old at the time and is now nearly 60 years old. I have fingers crossed they will help as I'm lead to believe that they people who adopted him knew his parents. I actually think he still may be at the same address as his parents but as I'm not 100% sure I think I should address it to his parents.

I was also wondering should I mention I have no contact with our dad? I only ask because I think this may play a part in whether he would want contact with me. To keep it short let's say our dad hasn't done the best things in the past and it is the reason he was put up for adoption.

duchy

kt1inamillion wrote: »

Hey guys looking for some help.... but 1st....OP have you had any luck?

I think I have found the address for the people who adopted my brother I would like to write to them but unsure what info I should put in the letter...do I put in all the info I have (presume not)?....do I ask them to confirm the info I have is right?....what info is best to put I the letter? Should I also tell them where I found their details (if it was the other way around I'd like to know.)?

Any tips/advice greatly appreciated!!!

Contact your local council and tell them you want to speak to the adoption social services dept. ours wrote after discussing possible outcomes with us to my OHs birth mother a very tactful and discreet letter . One advantage with doing it this way apart from practical advice is if they don't want contact or need thinking time they are far more likely to tell that to the 3rd party rather than just not reply.

The letter simply said they were writing on behalf of someone they knew back in (birth year) a year that had obvious significance if it's the right person ......as the social worker said anyone not knowing about the adoption wouldn't know the significance of the year but the person concerned would instantly know. They asked them to contact them and then counseled both Mother and son about how. To make contact without running before they could walk. They'd also help you address who to address the letter to.......ours had contacts that helped us access records we as members of the public couldn't use to confirm who was who and where.