Son Lying about Finances - Gambling Problem?

mountainofdebt

Thank you all for the comments - its much appreciated.

I've phoned Gamcare (thanks Scaredy) and spent an hour on the phone to them - they've basically said the same as what many of you said - I must not bail him out and that he has to suffer the consequences of spending the money gambling before he realises he has a problem (and if he doesn't have one now he has the beginnings of one) and that HE has to be the one seeking help -he cant be forced into seeking help

As far as the £12K is comcerned I honestly dont know.......I know he was investing it in a 1yr bond - but whether he did or not I don't know but as Gamcare said he has to suffer the consequences of his gambling before he will realise he has a problem - and as the woman said perhaps my issues with money is clouding (for want of a better word) my thinking.

As for whether this is a solitary thing or something more on a group basis - again I don't know - we haven't met any of his friends from Uni - the people he lived with last year never seemed to come out of their rooms and only met 2 of his now house mates when we moved him in a month ago

She has suggested that I simply tell him that I know for a fact that he is spending large sums of money gambling, that I am unable - and unwilling - to bail him out of any trouble that he may get himself into and that if he feels that he needs help to contact gamcare

I just feel lost at the moment -I thought we had the sort of relationship where he could tell me anything and yet when I ask him outright about this he lies.

mountainofdebt

onlyroz wrote: »

I absolutely would *not* recommend match betting to a compulsive gambler. And I speak from experience :eek:
.

Thank you for this - I have to admit when I read about suggesting matched betting to him my first thought was what a bl00dy stupid idea

Savvy_Sue

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I just feel lost at the moment -I thought we had the sort of relationship where he could tell me anything and yet when I ask him outright about this he lies.

To be fair, the lies are likely to be an instinctive first reaction, to protect you and his relationship with you. But it may well get him thinking.

And also to say that sometimes, people honestly believe what they're saying in these situations. Even when we know it's a pack of lies.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Lies may well be his instinctive first reaction.


But they'll also be his second, third and fourth deliberate reactions. Coupled with rage that she 'spied' on him, doesn't trust him, doesn't believe him, doesn't give him enough money, doesn't love him, etc, etc.

mountainofdebt

I've been doing alot of thinking today (mutt thinks its his birthday he's been walked so much!) and I came to the conculsion that the woman I spoke to at gamcare was right - alot of the issues I have with Junior stem from my own relationship with the lack of money and the causes of it.

I do intend to let him know that I know for a fact that he has used more of his od than he is admiting and I know about the online gambling but he has to be the one that comes to me for support to deal with this issue but to deal with the issue he needs to go to gamcare himself.

Ithink as well we need to rerefine our relationship (that woman was really good) and hopefully we'll be able to sort this out before any real damage is done

JustSmile_2

zagfles wrote: »

I was thinking that - and even if it's not matched betting it could be worth pointing him at the Matched Betting forum here which will show him how he can make money from bookies instead of losing to them. I used to like gambling (nothing too serious) but now I only ever matched bet - now when placing bets it just doesn't seem right if I'm not (almost) guaranteed to win

As a member of GA the above is one option I would NEVER recommend! I am a compulsive gambler. You need to come right out with it and tell him you know all about the gambling. Yes he may be angry but tough. Gambling destroys people and the sooner he can admit that he is not in control of the situation then he can get the right advice and help he needs.

As with any addiction, when you are in the middle of it you dont see straight, you make decisions based on the craziest of thoughts & I feel for your son I really do.

Did you notice on the bank statements if he had actually won? Has he deposited any cash from the sites back into his account? The small amounts everyday are the worst, most likely he is thinking "just £30 to see if I win" normally followed by a loss which then lets you think "another £30 because Im sure my luck is due to change" before you know it you can be at £150 in just a few hours, if not more. It is that easy to fall into.

The help is there for your son, there is programmes to stop access to the sites too.
For me, i had to surrender everything, I had no access to the bank account, had to ask for cash if I needed anything & all my pc access is limited and super locked up.

If a person wants to gamble they will always find a way. Your only doing your job as a good mother by stepping in now & stopping this destruction.

Good luck xxx

Telby01

Not a lot to add - but just want to wish you luck - our family have been through similar and it's not nice

JoW123

JustSmile wrote: »

As a member of GA the above is one option I would NEVER recommend! I am a compulsive gambler. You need to come right out with it and tell him you know all about the gambling. Yes he may be angry but tough. Gambling destroys people and the sooner he can admit that he is not in control of the situation then he can get the right advice and help he needs.

As with any addiction, when you are in the middle of it you dont see straight, you make decisions based on the craziest of thoughts & I feel for your son I really do.

Did you notice on the bank statements if he had actually won? Has he deposited any cash from the sites back into his account? The small amounts everyday are the worst, most likely he is thinking "just £30 to see if I win" normally followed by a loss which then lets you think "another £30 because Im sure my luck is due to change" before you know it you can be at £150 in just a few hours, if not more. It is that easy to fall into.

The help is there for your son, there is programmes to stop access to the sites too.
For me, i had to surrender everything, I had no access to the bank account, had to ask for cash if I needed anything & all my pc access is limited and super locked up.

If a person wants to gamble they will always find a way. Your only doing your job as a good mother by stepping in now & stopping this destruction.

Good luck xxx

As the ex-partner of a gambler I completely agree with everything this poster says about 10 times over.