Trying to keep house after divorce please help!

BeezerB

I chose the solicitor because she is signed up as specialising in keeping things as calm and non combative as possible and in this she has done well and managed the situation even when my ex and his solicitor were being very scary. I have an ex-lawyer friend who is a real ballbreaker who said she would stand in as a barrister for me if my ex forces it to go to trial against him because I can't afford a practising one but yes I am starting to worry that this has dragged on and on for so long because she is too 'nice'. The police suggested I get a more aggressive solicitor on board too but I really don't want to rile my ex up, its much better for my daughter if there can be less trouble between her dad and I. I just need us to be able to stay in the house and to pay him back whatever I owe him for it, so far no one seems to think I can afford anything mortgage related because my earnings are under £20,000. I am gutted, I managed to save £5000 this year even while paying solicitor bills because I am actually bloody good at not spending money, I've never been in debt or had a credit card but I don't seem to be able to get help. Its all a bit upsetting tbh.

Thrugelmir

BeezerB wrote: »

Thankyou I have a solicitor (have had to because of some of the behaviour my ex has been up to) but she seems to just give me the options of what could happen rather than helping me work out how I am going to achieve my aim of simply getting divorced and staying in the house.

The decision is yours.

As has been commented earlier. Retain the property while giving up the rights to your ex's pension is a starting point for compromise.

BeezerB

Yes, thankyou, I am hoping the ex will see this as a possibility. Good news is that although due to my complicated recent employment history (changed gradually over the last two years from part employed/self-employed to now being fully self-employed) I am a real problem in terms of getting finance sorted the broker I spoke to this afternoon says he could get me a £20,000 mortgage which I could offer the ex as a sweetner and then in two years when I have the required two years of self-employed tax returns I would be able to re-negotiate the mortgage and borrow the rest to pay ex off completely! This would be utterly bloody brilliant if the court can see it as a good idea. Fingers crossed.

Caz3121

The house is only part of the financial consideration, you need to add in the pensions and any other assets into the pot and then it is decided what % each party gets.
eg house £185k, pensions £40k, car £5k = total £230k
if decided, as you have a young child that you get 60% then you would have £138k of the pot. Given that you would not be taking the pensions then you would owe him £47k for the house

If you can find a lender that would take maintenance and benefits in the mix this could help

BeezerB

Thanks Caz, his pension is worth a LOT more than the house but neither of us own anything else much so hopefully it will all work out OK. I feel a bit better knowing I will be allowed to borrow something at least. I haven't been financially dependent on anyone since I was a kid at home with my parents so I am not enjoying the hold he has over me at the moment. Will just be glad when it is all sorted, once I know how much I have to pay and when I can feel more in control of my life!

Mojisola

BeezerB wrote: »

Originally my ex seemed happy to let my daughter and I stay in the house until she is 18 which I am determined to achieve. House prices are through the roof here and we would have to move away from all her friends, her school, my work, possibly get rid of her pets etc to be able to afford to live anywhere else now if we had to sell and find somewhere else on half the house value.

BeezerB wrote: »

I don't want any trouble or any of his money or anything, I just need for my daughter and I to stay here. Its the best way I can care for her and myself into the future.

Your daughter has two parents and both should be providing for her until she is an adult.

Don't be in such a hurry to get free from your ex that you reduce the money available for your child's upbringing.

pwootty

As you are married are you not entitled to half his assets including his "big army " pension, which realistically could be worth £100k+ (I would expect it to be £300-400k as an asset) in which case, I would expect him to offer the house to you as a settlement as a minimum. I know of a police officer who has handed over 2 houses to 2 ex wives to save his pension each time each time he got divorced, and yes he is married for a third time now!

Don't rush into your divorce settlement, makes sure everything is included into the equation. you will be surprised how bargaining power you have. I really don't see you needing a mortgage!

BeezerB

Thankyou all for replying and being so helpful, I have stopped panicking now! I am a bit surprised about the pension thing counting for so much, and yes pwooty your estimation (if you mean the CETV amount) is in the right region. I now understand why my ex refused for a year to supply his pension details! I had originally said to him I wasn't going to take it into consideration but to be honest that was back when I thought we were being sensible adults about splitting up and I didn't know he had been having an affair, never dreamed I would end up having to get police involved over things he has done etc so I can't say I feel quite so benevolent towards him now! I have a solicitors meeting on monday and have also used this site to get a mortgage estimation just in case and I can even get one for £50,000 now so feel much much more secure that I won't be having to move house. Huuuuuge relief.

Caz3121

make sure you do not sign any rights to pension away until everything is sorted. That could be your main bargaining tool. If he wants to play mean re the house start making noises about your share of his pension!

jewelly

If you let the courts decide, they invariably will let you and your child stay in the house until she is out of full time education. That is the norm. When I got divorced (1992) the solicitors on both sides negotiated before we went into the court and presented what we both agreed to. The judge thought it was fair and more or less rubber-stamped it.

My circumstances were a lot different to yours in that my ex was never going to be in a position to pay any maintenance (being an alcoholic), so when the house is eventually sold I will get a higher percentage. I have been wholly responsible for the mortgage, repairs etc since the split - but have also had the benefit of living in the house whilst he has rented ever since. Your ex will have to accept the average of the 3 valuations you have for the property, and this is what the negotiations/court settlement will be based on.

I think you would be best served by letting the court decide on the whole financial settlement. Otherwise you and your child could miss out on some of the benefits (pension rights etc) that are rightfully yours. Whatever the settlement, if you can, you will still be able to buy him out in the future.

Good luck.