Trying to keep house after divorce please help!

BeezerB

Hello, I am struggling to know how to proceed and could really do with some advice please.

I am just going through a not very pleasant divorce, I have a six year old who has good contact with her father and we currently live in a small two bedroom semi in the village that my daughter goes to school in. The house has no mortgage as we paid it off before we split. I have had three valuations done and they all came in around £185,000 but my ex does not accept these and says it should be about £50,000 higher! Originally my ex seemed happy to let my daughter and I stay in the house until she is 18 which I am determined to achieve. House prices are through the roof here and we would have to move away from all her friends, her school, my work, possibly get rid of her pets etc to be able to afford to live anywhere else now if we had to sell and find somewhere else on half the house value.
Unfortunately since then things have got much worse, he refuses to go to mediation with me and now I am having to let the court decide what happens financially.

My problem is that I stopped work when my daughter was young and since then have been building up my own freelance work to the point where we can live comfortably. I have two years of tax returns but because I work from home (so bills etc are taken into account) it looks like I am living on a very low wage. I know I can't get a mortgage for half the value of the house but I know I could pay for example £300 a month and I think if I could get anything at all that I could give the ex now then it would maybe stop him pushing to have the house sold. I just don't know how to go about it!

amnblog

This is surely one that starts with legal advice as to what each of you are entitled title in respect of the house?

Also maintenance arrangements.

StuC75

How easy would it be for the ex to buy something extra whilst having so much tied up in the house that You are living in? And how reasonable is it to expect the ex to do this..

Waiting until your child reaches 18 to sell up presents a number of issues to handle - what happens if prices go up or down in the area : Is that extra gain or exposure to a loss yours or his?.. What about maintaining and decorating the house over the next 12 year - if the gain is because of your outlay then should he expect to gain from that - or because he would hold a share of the house should he have a say in what is done to what is partly his house over that time..

The cleanest break is to sell up, split the proceeds, which you could then use as a sizable deposit and buy something cheaper; albeit out of town..

You know from affordability side that you buying him out is not a clear option. what other assets are there to be split (pensions\savings etc)? anything that allows for your 'main' take to be the house..

BeezerB

Thankyou for replying! The ex has a big army pension and a smaller teaching one, neither of which I want to make a claim on or anything if it helps me keep the house. He also earns a lot more money than me, currently pays minimum child maintenance and I am also happy to give this up if it means keeping the house. Selling up really isn't an option for me for more reasons that I can write down here tbh.

Ex also has a partner whom he is apparently buying somewhere with (though I only know this because their estate agent left a message on my home phone by accident, slightly worrying as to why he gave him this number but I assume it was just a mistake as he only moved out a year ago) so i think he will be OK, he is not short of money or anything, I've not asked him for any of the house maintenance bills or anything but I can see what you mean about me doing improvements and then him profiting from them if/when it is sold.

There just must be a way of doing this!

bloolagoon

I assume you get low income benefits? I think some mortgage companies include these and maintenance in affordability.

Dave_Ham

If you are going to pay ex half of the house worth (by raising it) then clearly fair maintenance will be due.

Maintenance, some benefits and self employed income can all be taken into consideration. You may be nearer than you think..

Have a free chat with a broker and get some sensible legal advice as you are at a juncture where you can still effect everything to ensure you protect what you need to.

Good luck

BeezerB

Ah ok, thankyou yes I get some working tax credits and child benefit so we doing fine really. I have only ever been to see a bank manager before about getting a mortgage as this house is the only place I ever had a hand in buying, never really heard of a mortgage broker before this all happened! I guess I need to get advice on who to go to next, I feel like I am in a bit of a maze with all this really!

duchy

If the house is currently unmortgaged and your ex is in a position to buy elsewhere anyway it seems unlikely a court would force a sale now -especially if there are other assets like pensions in the marital "pot". It isn't just about the house it is about ALLthe marital assets which includes pensions and any other investments even if currently unrealized.

You really need proper legal advice -a good solicitor will look at the whole picture (including pensions) and come up with a proposal to put to the court,,,,,,,Odds are once you have a proposal your ex will be prepared to go to mediation as his solicitor will advise him that the court will deem him unreasonable.

As an example -you might give up any claim on your husband's pensions -in exchange for him claiming a lower percentage of the house -either now or when she is eighteen. Either making a mortgage more achievable on your income.

This is your child's future so you need to be very sure you are doing the best for her -that means making sure any division of marital assets is equitable and fair . A clean break may be easier (but would involve the pensions too) or an agreement that you can stay in the house until she is eighteen and then sell and divvy up may be more practical -but you need a solicitor to look at the full picture to advise you.

BeezerB

Thankyou I have a solicitor (have had to because of some of the behaviour my ex has been up to) but she seems to just give me the options of what could happen rather than helping me work out how I am going to achieve my aim of simply getting divorced and staying in the house. I don't want any trouble or any of his money or anything, I just need for my daughter and I to stay here. Its the best way I can care for her and myself into the future.

Mojisola

Spend a bit of time looking through this site -
https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/

Your solicitor is charging you for a service. If you're not happy with the service you're getting, find another solicitor.

duchy

The best way you can care for yourself and your daughter is to secure your financial future. That doesn't mean taking him to the cleaners but it does mean an equitable division of marital assets.

If your solicitor isn't giving you the help you need then find another one.
If you can't stand up for yourself then stand up for your daughter .....as no-one else is going to do it for her.

(and it's not HIS money -it's your joint assets)

Or just let him take more than his fair share ....and leave you and your daughter in a new area or in rented if that's all you want.