Bit of Advice

gboom2000

DeeDee74 wrote: »

You hardly paying in cash are you?? Like you first post said you give money when its asked for ! I cant see how your losing out to be fair. You caN open a case with csa yourself and pay the set minimum amount monthly or set up an private agreement monthly .
Cant see how your ex the parent with care is being unfair tbh if you payed v csa for the last 13 years youd have payed 1000'each year I very much doubt u hand that over in cash as and when she asks.

If i'm handing cash over, then I'm paying in cash, I'm not sure why you'd like to argue that point, but you seem to have bee in your bonnet here. Nor am I saying she is being unfair in asking for what she is entitled for, she is being difficult in going about it. I don't know why you're wanting an argument with me, but I'm after a bit of advice, and I have had some useful tips from some people.

DUTR

DeeDee74 wrote: »

You hardly paying in cash are you?? Like you first post said you give money when its asked for ! I cant see how your losing out to be fair. You caN open a case with csa yourself and pay the set minimum amount monthly or set up an private agreement monthly .
Cant see how your ex the parent with care is being unfair tbh if you payed v csa for the last 13 years youd have payed 1000'each year I very much doubt u hand that over in cash as and when she asks.

DD74 , you may have missed the OP's point, I don't mind paying CSA, I would resent giving the mother cash or transfer, and then there is the constant asking for more! The child is the father's all of a sudden when they want something.

DeeDee74

DUTR wrote: »

DD74 , you may have missed the OP's point, I don't mind paying CSA, I would resent giving the mother cash or transfer, and then there is the constant asking for more! The child is the father's all of a sudden when they want something.

If you read the ops first post thay said thay have no agreement and give the parent with care money when thay ask not a regular monthly amount!! Did I read that wrong??
I really cant see how the nrp is paying a fair share tbh 13 years of only paying when asked for some money is right or fair. Hence why I said thay should set up a regular monthly agreement.

DUTR

DeeDee74 wrote: »

If you read the ops first post thay said thay have no agreement and give the parent with care money when thay ask not a regular monthly amount!! Did I read that wrong??
I really cant see how the nrp is paying a fair share tbh 13 years of only paying when asked for some money is right or fair. Hence why I said thay should set up a regular monthly agreement.

I did read it and it also included "I was asked to give money for school unifrom and I said sure, just tell me when you want it and how much. They went on holiday and came back at the weekend and nothing more was said until I received a text earlier this week asking for £150 for the uniform,"
The OP had no qualm in contributing to that, let's not get into a argument about the case as it affects neither of us, we can calmly debate if you wish, a monthly regular amount if not budgetted correctly may still see a shortfall when additional expenses arise, perhaps the OP knows the PWC is not the greatest with budgetting, I know my PWC is like that .

laineybird2000

I agree with dee dee, the op has always waited to be asked for money, for 13 years the pwc has had to ask for every penny. The final straw probably came when she asked and then as op says himself, nothing more was said... Why should the pwc wait for the op to organise himself... It's not up to her to get him to fulfil his responsibilities towards his child...

laineybird2000

DUTR wrote: »

I did read it and it also included "I was asked to give money for school unifrom and I said sure, just tell me when you want it and how much. They went on holiday and came back at the weekend and nothing more was said until I received a text earlier this week asking for £150 for the uniform,"
The OP had no qualm in contributing to that, let's not get into a argument about the case as it affects neither of us, we can calmly debate if you wish, a monthly regular amount if not budgetted correctly may still see a shortfall when additional expenses arise, perhaps the OP knows the PWC is not the greatest with budgetting, I know my PWC is like that .

And to be fair duty, the pwc had asked him for 150 (as in his op) he'd again, had the opportunity to be a little more proactive, and chose to wait to be asked again and again... whole mess could have been avoided if only the op had said, yes, will drop off the requested 150, when I drop our child off next time...

swingaloo

Methinks there is more to this. If they have been 'amicable' for 13 tears then this situation alone wouldn't have the mum going off on one and threatening the csa.

DeeDee74

DUTR wrote: »

I did read it and it also included "I was asked to give money for school unifrom and I said sure, just tell me when you want it and how much. They went on holiday and came back at the weekend and nothing more was said until I received a text earlier this week asking for £150 for the uniform,"
The OP had no qualm in contributing to that, let's not get into a argument about the case as it affects neither of us, we can calmly debate if you wish, a monthly regular amount if not budgetted correctly may still see a shortfall when additional expenses arise, perhaps the OP knows the PWC is not the greatest with budgetting, I know my PWC is like that .

Lol I am calmly debating! ! The op asked for advice im pointing out in my option it isent fair that the pwc only gets money when she asks for it. And by reading the op's post thay asked and hes waiting for them to ask again ?? Why he knows what amount thay want and what for so I dont get why he havent given it to the pwc?
Do you not think the nrp has A good deal maybe handing over $100 $150 a time a few times a year? Setting a min payment weekly, monthly is fair.. then everyone knows where thay stand..

gboom2000

DeeDee74 wrote: »

Lol I am calmly debating! ! The op asked for advice im pointing out in my option it isent fair that the pwc only gets money when she asks for it. And by reading the op's post thay asked and hes waiting for them to ask again ?? Why he knows what amount thay want and what for so I dont get why he havent given it to the pwc?
Do you not think the nrp has A good deal maybe handing over $100 $150 a time a few times a year? Setting a min payment weekly, monthly is fair.. then everyone knows where thay stand..

I agree that I probably have had a good deal with money over the years, I suppose that's the thing when Kids have Kids, we were 16 at the time and nothing was done right due to our age so I never set up a regular payment. Heck, I doubt there'd have been much of a payment up until I was 23 when I finally had a real payment, but I was always there for my kid.
I think you're taking a view that all Dads in this situation are useless from your own situation with your kids and ex(just a stab in the dark there, but why else would you be so interested in this?)? I see my Daughter every weekend and holidays, I buy clothes without being asked to and give her money for her school dinners without being asked, I am not a deadbeat Dad who doesn't see his kids and doesn't want to pay for them. I'm actually upset that I've had an argument with her Mum as we've been friends for so long but that has happened now and I need to do things right now so it doesn't cost me and my family more money in the long run. The past is in the past and there is nothing I can do to change that.

gboom2000

swingaloo wrote: »

Methinks there is more to this. If they have been 'amicable' for 13 tears then this situation alone wouldn't have the mum going off on one and threatening the csa.

Yes there was more to it, my ex got home from her two week camping holiday with a broken car on the drive and she'd had an argument with her current husband and then I didn't reply to her text for a few hours, so I'd say she'd had enough by the time I told her she could have the money and took it out on me.