Bit of Advice

gboom2000

Hi folks, this may turn into a long read but I'll try keep it short.

I have a 13 YO daughter who lives with her mum, we split a very long time ago, we were both young (17) and have moved on, both married, she has 2 other kids and I have 1. For 13 years we have amicably got on, I have my daughter every weekend, and for long stretches in the holidays, and on the money front, though there's been no regular payment I give cash money whenever asked for it and pay for all her clothes.

During the holidays I was asked to give money for school unifrom and I said sure, just tell me when you want it and how much. They went on holiday and came back at the weekend and nothing more was said until I received a text earlier this week asking for £150 for the uniform, I didn't have my phone on me and when I got home I saw the text and a 2nd one that was a bit abusive and threatening me with the CSA. I replied saying it was no problem and there'll be the cash available at the weekend. But I've heard nothing back.

So should I give her the £150 at the weekend and carry on like before, meanwhile she might contact the CSA regardless. Or set up a direct debit to her bank and pay what the CSA calculator estimates as the going rate (roughly £30 in my circumstances) and say "that's it no more asking for cash?"

HappyMJ

gboom2000 wrote: »

Hi folks, this may turn into a long read but I'll try keep it short.

I have a 13 YO daughter who lives with her mum, we split a very long time ago, we were both young (17) and have moved on, both married, she has 2 other kids and I have 1. For 13 years we have amicably got on, I have my daughter every weekend, and for long stretches in the holidays, and on the money front, though there's been no regular payment I give cash money whenever asked for it and pay for all her clothes.

During the holidays I was asked to give money for school unifrom and I said sure, just tell me when you want it and how much. They went on holiday and came back at the weekend and nothing more was said until I received a text earlier this week asking for £150 for the uniform, I didn't have my phone on me and when I got home I saw the text and a 2nd one that was a bit abusive and threatening me with the CSA. I replied saying it was no problem and there'll be the cash available at the weekend. But I've heard nothing back.

So should I give her the £150 at the weekend and carry on like before, meanwhile she might contact the CSA regardless. Or set up a direct debit to her bank and pay what the CSA calculator estimates as the going rate (roughly £30 in my circumstances) and say "that's it no more asking for cash?"

If she is thinking of getting CSA involved then yes you must pay by a traceable method. If the calculator says £30 a week then that will be fine. You can also pay monthly by multiplying the weekly figure by 52 and dividing by 12...i.e £130 per month. You must the pay it on the exact date each month and mark the payments so they can be recognized as child support and nothing else.

Oh...and it's not called a direct debit...it's a Standing Order.

gboom2000

HappyMJ wrote: »

If she is thinking of getting CSA involved then yes you must pay by a traceable method. If the calculator says £30 a week then that will be fine. You can also pay monthly by multiplying the weekly figure by 52 and dividing by 12...i.e £130 per month. You must the pay it on the exact date each month and mark the payments so they can be recognized as child support and nothing else.

Oh...and it's not called a direct debit...it's a Standing Order.

Right I'll set that up then. I hear of back-payments to CSA, is that back dated to the date the claim is made or the date of my daughters birth, because I can imagine 13 years back-pay won't be cheap!

HappyMJ

gboom2000 wrote: »

Right I'll set that up then. I hear of back-payments to CSA, is that back dated to the date the claim is made or the date of my daughters birth, because I can imagine 13 years back-pay won't be cheap!

Only when she starts the claim. They'll assume you had a private agreement before she claimed.

gboom2000

OK, a quick update. I told my ex that I would start paying a sum weekly into her bank account if she sent me the bank details. To which I got a reply of "No, if that's how it's going to be I'll fill the forms in and do it properly". I'm trying to pay maintenance and am being stopped, I'm not sure how many Dads are finding themselves in this situation?

DeeDee74

gboom2000 wrote: »

OK, a quick update. I told my ex that I would start paying a sum weekly into her bank account if she sent me the bank details. To which I got a reply of "No, if that's how it's going to be I'll fill the forms in and do it properly". I'm trying to pay maintenance and am being stopped, I'm not sure how many Dads are finding themselves in this situation?

Omg ott your hardly being stopped from paying maintenance other wise you'd have set up a proper monthly agreement and payed a proper fair share to help bring your child up 13 years ago.

gboom2000

DeeDee74 wrote: »

Omg ott your hardly being stopped from paying maintenance other wise you'd have set up a proper monthly agreement and payed a proper fair share to help bring your child up 13 years ago.

So I carry on paying in cash and when the CSA finally get in touch and say that I need to back pay I just go along with it? It's not my fault we've had an amicable relationship up to now. Women can be hard work sometimes as well you know, which I'm guessing you know from your own personal experience.

shoe*diva79

gboom2000 wrote: »

So I carry on paying in cash and when the CSA finally get in touch and say that I need to back pay I just go along with it? It's not my fault we've had an amicable relationship up to now. Women can be hard work sometimes as well you know, which I'm guessing you know from your own personal experience.

There will be no back pay from the CSA as tou have no case. Te case will start from the day they contact you. You can open a case if you like.

The best you can do at the moment is keep some money aside as arrears will build while the CSA work out your assessment, but that should only be 4-6 weeks arrears.

Do not give any cash to your ex once the CSA have been in touch as they will not class that as CM unless you canprove it, and believe me, all it takes is the PWC to say it wasnt CM and you will have to pay it again.

DeeDee74

gboom2000 wrote: »

So I carry on paying in cash and when the CSA finally get in touch and say that I need to back pay I just go along with it? It's not my fault we've had an amicable relationship up to now. Women can be hard work sometimes as well you know, which I'm guessing you know from your own personal experience.

You hardly paying in cash are you?? Like you first post said you give money when its asked for ! I cant see how your losing out to be fair. You caN open a case with csa yourself and pay the set minimum amount monthly or set up an private agreement monthly .
Cant see how your ex the parent with care is being unfair tbh if you payed v csa for the last 13 years youd have payed 1000'each year I very much doubt u hand that over in cash as and when she asks.

sunflower_2

just put the £130 a month to one side, until she gives you bank details or u hear from CSA...?

gboom2000

sunflower wrote: »

just put the £130 a month to one side, until she gives you bank details or u hear from CSA...?

Good idea, I will do that, thank you.