Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

Granariesgirl wrote: »

I think some people just don't / won't understand that it is hard taking a large cut in income if you have been living the high life. Sometimes it it hard to suddenly cut one's coat to suit the cloth, too!
For example: to me & my family, living on £3k a week would be GREAT & we would be more than comfortable; to a Premier League footie player it would be abject poverty & they'd probably be in huge debt very fast... everything is relative!

Alex, now your getting your life well together, when are we going to see the Debts score go down & the Paid score go up?
After all, the interest must be accruing on the debts at a higher rate than you're getting for the money saved up to pay them...
How about a week of attacking the debts now you have a fair sum to go towards them? Get the debts paid on your sig well into 3 figures!

:jRah! Rah, Alex GO!!!:j

And let's just all ignore the chippy, negative people & hope they go away...

:cool:

Thank you for such a supportive post. I have some rather good news on the finances front, of which I shall explain later as it's all a bit complicated.

With regard to the debts, the interest has been frozen for six months, so that will give us time to save up and pay them off. Advice is most welcome in regard to this as to be honest, we don't really know what is for the best, should we be paying off bit by bit instead?

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Hi Alex, just catching up

Your SOA is looking very healthy now, that's great. Ignore the nasty comments, I would. Seems like a little bit of jealousy to me? Everyone's income/outgoings are different and relative to them & their circumstances so there will be huge differences in what some people think is a lot of money. I think your income is big but that is in comparison to ours and what we've had to manage on. I told my dad a few months ago what we have to spend on things (he'd asked) and he thought we were literally on the brink of starvation when we said we had only £400 a month to spend on food (which was upped from £250-300 only a few months before!!) However it's a comfortable amount for the 5 of us & the dog and compared to some on here is a huge budget. Everyone is different. I've read a few diaries on here that have had a lot more coming in than you, but then their debts were huge in comparison to yours so again all relative.

Sorry to hear about the audition, can you apply again in the future? Perhaps rack this one up as experience and confidence building (rather than shooting it to the ground in flames because of one knock-back). However, you state you haven't yet been knocked back so perhaps they will see the talent and ignore the nerves?

Hope this all makes sense, I have the tv on, the dog is going nuts and the kids are screaming .....:eek:

DFW: Thank you for your support. I am unsure why my average income has created such negativity in all honesty myself and yes, I agree everybody is different.

So far as the audition goes, I will not know until either tomorrow or Tuesday whether or not I've got in. Before I actually got there, I had decided it was just going to be a nice experience if nothing else. However, once there I had decided I really wanted to do this, then I could hardly think straight. Years back, I would have walked this and now I'd be delighted with a place.

LannieDuck

Years back I imagine you'd been playing every week for years. Up until two weeks ago you hadn't picked up a violin in a very long time. Be kind to yourself.

I imagine auditions are a bit like interviews - a skill you can practice and improve. And one which can go a bit rusty if you don't use it for a while.

I'm sure you didn't do as badly as you thought you did. Wait and see, and even if it doesn't turn out as you want, you've still gained a bit of (recent) experience.

AlexLK

Daniel54 wrote: »

Alex,you have barely played in recent years and you are bound to be rusty.You haven't been rejected yet and bear in mind violinists are always in demand as an orchestra needs more of them than,say, a percussionist .

I hope you will persevere even if you don't get in.My daughter plays in an amateur orchestra of admittedly high standard (she is LRSM in her main instrument,flute) and derives great enjoyment from the communality of music making.Being able to connect with other people through this medium will,I think,be important for you

Daniel,

Thank you for your post. I really wish to get back into music, should I fail to get in, I may begin orchestral playing at an unauditioned orchestra locally, instead.

Your daughter must be excellent to have an orchestral place on flute.

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

Years back I imagine you'd been playing every week for years. Up until two weeks ago you hadn't picked up a violin in a very long time. Be kind to yourself.

I imagine auditions are a bit like interviews - a skill you can practice and improve. And one which can go a bit rusty if you don't use it for a while.

I'm sure you didn't do as badly as you thought you did. Wait and see, and even if it doesn't turn out as you want, you've still gained a bit of (recent) experience.

Thank you.

You'd be right, I was actually a rather decent violinist back then but I gave it up, just as everything else. I really quite regret not carrying on with it in many ways, I was told by doctors that it may be good for me to do things I enjoy but for years, I couldn't face the constant feeling of inadequacy every time I played a wrong note or missed an entry or had dodgy intonation. In fact now I find myself constantly cringing at my playing.

I certainly agree re. the interview analogy.

AlexLK

Sunday 29th September, 2013.
Day 28.

Dear Diary,

Four weeks, four long and tiresome weeks have been spent trying to change my ways. Some days I succeeded victorious, others I failed miserably. What I can say is that I have made a conscious step towards solvency. All together now, hooray!

In all honesty since my last post on here, I've not had a great few hours, feeling myself begin to slip into old ways. Fortunately, it being a Sunday buying things were not in the equation but withdrawing from those around me and taking comfort in a bottle of Scotch was. Gladly, I did manage to pull myself out of it before becoming drunk and Mrs. K. and I talked a lot. Ultimately I am so overwhelmingly aware that I do not deserve her love, friendship or support and that she could do so much better than I. Truthfully I am ashamed of myself, for the fact I am weak; hating myself for what I've put her through over the years.

Today in our financial news, my parents told me they will be happy to pay our son's school fees and we ought to think about where he is to go for his pre-prep years because "this is important, Alexander". How I abhor the fact that I am unable to provide my own son with all the things he needs and that my parents are all too quick to mop up my messes with a smile in mock sympathy as they explain they will not allow their grandson to "go without", only further proving my inadequacy as a father. No wonder I wasn't all that come audition time.

Summary:
£2.55 Emergency groceries from petrol station to complete a pasta dish this evening.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

7roland8

Alex - just a quick post - you are able to provide for your son's needs -and reasonably well - much better than many.

The fact your parents want him to go to prep school etc is up to them. He would not be starving in the streets if they decided not to do it - and he could still have a perfectly ok education and go on to uni and get a good job.

They have the money and want to indulge him - just like all grandparents do.

Don't feel undermined. Your son has two parents and a loving home.

If we'd had the money I'd have liked my boys to have gone to private school and onto Oxford or somewhere - but they didn't and thats just a fact of life.

LannieDuck

You have a lot of money, Alex. You have a good income (£1000+ spare per month), and a lot of money locked away in assets. If you chose to liquidate your assets, you could be debt-free with savings. £1000 per month buys a lot of pre-school.

You're very lucky that you have parents who want to, and can afford to, help with your son's schooling. Try to see that as a gift and a blessing, rather than as a criticism of you.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - just a quick post - you are able to provide for your son's needs -and reasonably well - much better than many.

The fact your parents want him to go to prep school etc is up to them. He would not be starving in the streets if they decided not to do it - and he could still have a perfectly ok education and go on to uni and get a good job.

They have the money and want to indulge him - just like all grandparents do.

Don't feel undermined. Your son has two parents and a loving home.

If we'd had the money I'd have liked my boys to have gone to private school and onto Oxford or somewhere - but they didn't and thats just a fact of life.

Thank you for such a supportive post, I am unable to sleep again and yet have a busy day tomorrow. My mind too overloaded with thoughts of every wrong note in the audition and of my parents. I am trying my best to be a good father. However, nothing I am capable of doing seems good enough in some people's eyes.

I am aware that my parents simply wish him to have the best and yet I am also aware they are compensating for having an inadequate child also. There is a part of me that wishes to refuse their money.

LannieDuck wrote: »

You have a lot of money, Alex. You have a good income (£1000+ spare per month), and a lot of money locked away in assets. If you chose to liquidate your assets, you could be debt-free with savings. £1000 per month buys a lot of pre-school.

You're very lucky that you have parents who want to, and can afford to, help with your son's schooling. Try to see that as a gift and a blessing, rather than as a criticism of you.

Thank you, yes I am not exactly "poor" in real terms. My plan is to become debt-free through liquidating some of my assets. Parents are talking of pre-prep, rather than pre-school.

Having heard some of their snide comments about my lack of intelligence, ambition, work-ethic today, I am struggling to see that it is indeed a kind gesture and not merely a "dig" at me.

patanne

Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy. It seems to me that you have been a victim of this. Is your son hearing these comments? I was fortunate & had a sibling who told my parents to stop undermining me in front my child & it made them take a look at themselves and they changed. I think that the best thing for mini K is to have less contact with them to stop them doing the same thing to him. Because frankly I think they are like my parents and nothing either of you can do will ever be good enough. Mrs K's parents sound similar but she is more like my sibling & they are fortunate enough not to let it effect them. Please do try not to let them get to you (virtually impossible I know) & do not let them spoil your relationship with your son. Again check out self-fulfilling prophecy it was a real eye opener for me.

EchoDelta

Alex it makes me feel very sad to read about how your parents treat you. I am sorry. You are not inadequate. They should be able to be supportive or at the very least not actively unsupportive! "Inadequate son"? No no no!

If you are in the mood for a parenthood book have a look at Alfie Kohn" Unconditional Parenting ". He has some stuff online as well. Our job as parents is to ensure that our children feel loved unconditionally (not just to love them unconditionally but to make sure that they get that message too) and I found it an empowering read. (and don't worry - it's not permissive parenting - you don't end up with a horrible brat!)

I bet there were way more right notes than wrong'uns in your audition too!

Hope that you got some sleep in the end and feel more positive this morning.