Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Car:eek:


Where did that come from?

It's Mrs. K.'s really but for the moment she's decided to let me play with the new toy, too. It wasn't a lot of money and is currently keeping her from ordering a new BMW. Mind, she's so wrapped up in the work situation, I think she's forgotten all about that for the moment.

maman

OK, I'll let you off.;) Without revisiting the 'his and hers' money situation it could have been far worse. Is this a 'do up and sell' car or instead of the BMW she'd promised herself?


On the interview front, I suppose your role at the moment is to be a good listener and be supportive of whatever the outcome. Sounds like you're doing that task admirably. Has MrsK any actual offers yet?


Delighted to hear that the business has been paid back. You really do sound as if you're sorting yourself out. Just keep plugging away at your business opportunities. Maybe with the weather (and we're told the economy???) picking up people will start spending again on a few nice things.

AlexLK

I'm not sure what she'll do with the car in all honesty. Mind, I'm not sure she knows herself but it's not a depreciating asset fortunately and may well have a nice profit when she does decide to sell.

With regard to the interviews, she has an offer for the lower paid job which she has accepted (well, kind of she's told them it's pending the outcome of this second interview). That's rather complicated in itself - if she starts that job in three months she needs to work out if she wants a company car (doubtful, can't see her deciding a 318d is in her destiny) or a car allowance, the rules of which are being sent to her. Then there is the expectation of some working from home which she doesn't like the idea of, well she does if she can do the work at her brother's.

I'm trying to sort myself out and trying to come to terms with having very, very little money. It's likely no surprise that I wish Mrs. K. and I could go back to things as they were in regard to our personal finances even though really, I do understand it's her money and I'd be even worse off without her.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm not sure what she'll do with the car in all honesty. Mind, I'm not sure she knows herself but it's not a depreciating asset fortunately and may well have a nice profit when she does decide to sell.

With regard to the interviews, she has an offer for the lower paid job which she has accepted (well, kind of she's told them it's pending the outcome of this second interview). That's rather complicated in itself - if she starts that job in three months she needs to work out if she wants a company car (doubtful, can't see her deciding a 318d is in her destiny) or a car allowance, the rules of which are being sent to her. Then there is the expectation of some working from home which she doesn't like the idea of, well she does if she can do the work at her brother's.

I'm trying to sort myself out and trying to come to terms with having very, very little money. It's likely no surprise that I wish Mrs. K. and I could go back to things as they were in regard to our personal finances even though really, I do understand it's her money and I'd be even worse off without her.

It's been well rehearsed on here Alex, and I don't recall anyone agreeing with MrsK's attitude to the family finances except you! Most people seemed to think she was selfish in the extreme and ironically any man in her situation would be castigated for keeping all surplus income to himself. But that's where we are so just have to live with it.


I'm assuming that she doesn't want to work from home because you're there looking after LittleK and she might be disturbed? Or her brother has an amazing study that she could ensconce herself in? What's that all about.


I think what irritates me most Alex is that you seem to accept all MrsK's failings (of which there seem to be soooo many) but castigate yourself.


I'm off to calm down.:)

gallygirl

So when you were in the City and earning a fortune was it 'your money' or 'our money'?

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

It's been well rehearsed on here Alex, and I don't recall anyone agreeing with MrsK's attitude to the family finances except you! Most people seemed to think she was selfish in the extreme and ironically any man in her situation would be castigated for keeping all surplus income to himself. But that's where we are so just have to live with it.

I'm assuming that she doesn't want to work from home because you're there looking after LittleK and she might be disturbed? Or her brother has an amazing study that she could ensconce herself in? What's that all about.

I think what irritates me most Alex is that you seem to accept all MrsK's failings (of which there seem to be soooo many) but castigate yourself.

I'm off to calm down.:)

She doesn't want to work from home because I have the study for my work and also because I'm here. Not wanting to be disturbed by our son is another reason. Also if she went to her brother's, she could have her dinner (supper ) there and spend some time with her nieces a couple of evenings per week. They are close and she likes the time off.

I don't "accept" Mrs. K.'s failings, I just choose to not voice my opinion (or at least not very often) because I do not want to end up alone.

gallygirl wrote: »

So when you were in the City and earning a fortune was it 'your money' or 'our money'?

Never quite earned "a fortune" nor did I work in "THE" City. I am aware that is beside the point but yes, we shared our income until very recently. However, Mrs. K. has been earning the majority for longer than I did.

bess1234_2

You are a good man, and you stopped being a brittle facade a long time ago. Keep going , looks like you will be ok x

bess1234_2

And mothers don't get time off from being mothers.... But hey ho...tis what it is

Eager_Elephant

maman wrote: »

It's been well rehearsed on here Alex, and I don't recall anyone agreeing with MrsK's attitude to the family finances except you! Most people seemed to think she was selfish in the extreme and ironically any man in her situation would be castigated for keeping all surplus income to himself. But that's where we are so just have to live with it.

I have not posted before but I am firmly in Mrs K's camp (for the main):eek:

I have a DH who sounds very much like Alex did a few years ago and to be honest the spending just got so bad that there was no alternative but to have seperate accounts.
My DH has a mental health condition and has done for a very long time and his spending at times has been out of control. When you have a joint account and every penny is accounted for the increase in minimum payments of credit cards cannot keep increasing and be covered by the same income.
We used to have £40pm pocket money (this did not include clothes or food or anything) but DH liked to spend on ebay and then he would hide the parcels but when his credit card bill came in and there were 30 extra transactions every month it got a bit annoying. He claimed it was ok as each transaction was less then £10 - Doh!! Yes but that is nearly £300 per month.

So we had seperate accounts - I felt we should each put a percentage of wages in according to what we earned (DH full time, me part time with 2 kids) but DH said no we had to put the same amount in. I wasn't happy with this but to stop arguments this is what we did.

So DH happily kept running up his credit cards and meeting the minimum payments every month but then it got to the point that once he had covered 50% of the househild bills what he was left with did not cover his outgoings (including minimum payments) so muggins here bailed him out for petrol to work etc.

Luckily (?) DH got ill 3 years ago and he was off sick for 4 months so all his credit cards defaulted and it meant he could not use them again.

I have taken control of his bank accounts since then as his neurological condition means he doesnt think properly and can't manage his money.

DH had to drop to part time hours and I increased mine but I still made him pay 50% because that is what he made me do so he had even less money for his credit cards.

DH is making token payments to his cards at the moment but owes about £25k:eek:

DH has been on JSA for the last 6 mths and he has had no spending money because all his money has been on bills but it has not stopped him using his debit card (I gave it to him when he had acupuncture so he could get cash out to pay the lady) to buy stupid things - he just cannot be trsuted and when the bank text to confirm the balance he thinks he can spend that amount, he does not think about the bills.

I suppose I am a bit lenient and if DH wants something we discuss it and then usually he gets it:mad:.

As I control all his accounts it is like we have joint accounts again - I am not sure that I would go back to proper joint accounts because DH likes spending too much:rotfl:

Oooh, one other difference with Mrs K is that I don't really like cars so I don't need to spend my money on them:)

(Lets not discuss the day DH purchased a 4 x 4 off ebay for £5k and had to pay on his credit card:mad::eek::mad:)

Sorry Alex but just wanted to share my view point -her not spending time with Little K is something I don't agree with but then I am not that maternal and have always worked. My DD (11) loves her father far more than me and I think that is because he is more fun than me and does things with them:T

maman

I respect your point of view elephant but it seems to me that the parallel is that you took over the finances as your DH couldn't/wouldn't manage them himself. I think I understand that but that isn't what happens in the K household.


I believe that Alex and his wife pay in the same amount to cover household bills. For Alex this is virtually 100% of his income and anything he makes on top goes on repaying his debts which he considers to be his and his alone.


MrsK has a large surplus income which in recent months she has spent on, for example, an afternoon of retail therapy, a holiday in Rome with her brother leaving Alex and LittleK at home and saving for a new BMW.


From your description it doesn't sound like you have much surplus income but, if you did, would your really spend it all on yourself?