OH is leaving me. Am I entitled to anything?

Takeaway_Addict

RAS wrote: »

Of course he wants you to do this without a solicitor; that way you remain ignorant of your rights in the financial settlement.

As you worked part-time for many years, you may be entitled to slightly more than half.

Do either of you have pensions?

Out of interest why would she be entitled to more if her earnings now are on par with the husband?

I agree that all pensions etc need splitting 50/50 but no more.

I_try

You both need to fill out a financial statement of information. You also need to get copies of his wage slips, his annual pension statement and bank/credit card statements. Look through them carefully for any odd payments and question them if needs be. Get 3 valuations on the house and use the average of these for the statement of info. Get a mortgage statement. When you have all this information, and it can take a while, Make an appointment to have a free half hour with a solicitor to discuss whether what he is suggesting is fair and see what are the points to negotiate on.

Your children are likely to be viewed as independent adults and so will probably have no impact upon the financial side of things.

Most of it can be dealt with without the full employment of solicitors but they are worth the money to fully tie up the finances, even once divorced either of you may still try to lay claim to the assets of the other many years down the line. The more you are able to put together yourself the less you'll incur solicitor costs. If both parties do their best to keep things amicable and look at the long term big picture the more straight forward it will be. That does not mean you have to roll over and take nonsense though.

Take your time, think things through calmly and logically and remember that nothing is agreed until it is binding.

Head over to wikivorce, it is very helpful.

Best wishes to you, there are tough times ahead but you'll get through it and things will settle and be better.

Metoo123_2

Hi I would urge you to involve a solicitor. As previous replies it is not just the house. There is pension pots and as you have worked part time until recently I imagine his will be worth a lot more than yours. Also if your daughter is at uni he is entitled to continue with support. Never trust a man who says does not want a solicitor !

Guest101

Narla wrote: »

My husband of 26 years wants us to separate and after initially being devastated I realise that we have to remain calm and try to sort this out between us, especially so that our children (aged 23 and 20) think this is amicable.

We are in the process of having valuations done on our home so that we can both buy separate properties. Our son has moved into rented accommodation recently and our daughter is at university for the next two years. Neither of us wants to 'waste' money by renting which is how we see it.

Husband has asked if we can sort everything out amicably and without the additional costs of solicitors and in principle I think this is going to be best. He has suggested that we split everything down the middle and come to our own agreements about who gets what.

Financially we both earn a similar amount (thank goodness I qualified a few years ago after always working part time).

Has anyone please got any advice for me in terms of:
Is this the best thing for us to do? You're grown people, im sure you'll come up with a solution. It seems your husband has got the right idea though. You could both waste 10's of thousands of pounds on solicitors.
Where could I go for guidance that won't cost a fortune? Here, or Citizens advice, or get a free 30 minute consultation with a solicitor
What do I need to consider to make sure I am not being financially disadvantaged by this? In what sense? You are an adult, im sure you'll know if someone is trying to take advantage (from you post i dont see this is evidenced)
Should we both agree to equally financially support our daughter until she finishes her education? Ofcourse, why wouldn't you?
Should I be able to remain in our family home until she finishes Uni? Why? Your husband could say the exact same thing?
Or would I need to be able to 'buy him out' at this stage - which i will not be able to. That would normally be the case in such situations, yes you would probably have to buy him out.

I'm sure there will be a lot more for me to think about but for now I'm just about coping with my emotions.

Thanks in advance.

Replies in red above, remember legal aid os gone, so if you do decided to go down solicitors way, the only ppl in the black with be them

Dunroamin

Depending on your individual income, your daughter's student finance could need to be re assessed as it'll be based solely on the income of the parent whose home she wants to consider as hers. This could mean that she's eligible for a grant as well (or instead of part) of her loan. This could mean that she needs less financial support from either of you.

sweetpea26

hi there
So sorry to hear about your situation. I cannot add any more advice than that given above. I think you should let your children know that it is your husband that wants the divorce not yourself. Its tough on 'kids' no matter what age they might be. I wish you all the best and hope that you be treated decently and fairly.

Narla

Thanks for all the replies they are very helpful.

We are now at the stage of trying to get our house ready to be put up for sale next week. OH is working extremely hard to make sure that everything is 'shipshape' to hopefully get the best possible price. I on the other hand am now very scared that if we get an offer on the house there might be an expectation that we have to vacate in time for Christmas. OH knows exactly the area in which he wants to live (close to where we live currently because he also works locally). Whereas I do not know what area I want to live in; the area in which we currently live or closer to my family although properties are more expensive there. I do not feel ready to make any decisions yet and feel quite rail roaded into this. He thinks we might lose a sale unless we put it for sale now with 'no chain'. If it sold we would have to put things in storage until we find our own new houses and this thought panics me!

Can I refuse to sell the house unless there is a proviso that I can stay in it until after Christmas? At least my daughter will have her home to come back to from Uni for Christmas!

OH could then make a choice of moving out until the house sells or remaining here in a different room - that would be so difficult though because the arguing would definitely continue!

TIA

Mojisola

Narla wrote: »

We are now at the stage of trying to get our house ready to be put up for sale next week. OH is working extremely hard to make sure that everything is 'shipshape' to hopefully get the best possible price. I on the other hand am now very scared that if we get an offer on the house there might be an expectation that we have to vacate in time for Christmas. OH knows exactly the area in which he wants to live (close to where we live currently because he also works locally). Whereas I do not know what area I want to live in; the area in which we currently live or closer to my family although properties are more expensive there.

I do not feel ready to make any decisions yet and feel quite rail roaded into this.

He thinks we might lose a sale unless we put it for sale now with 'no chain'. If it sold we would have to put things in storage until we find our own new houses and this thought panics me!

Can I refuse to sell the house unless there is a proviso that I can stay in it until after Christmas? At least my daughter will have her home to come back to from Uni for Christmas!

OH could then make a choice of moving out until the house sells or remaining here in a different room - that would be so difficult though because the arguing would definitely continue!

Don't be railroaded into anything!

Have you sorted out the other finances? Don't sell the house and hand over the money unless it's part of the whole package.

Guest101

For specific house selling questions got to the housing board, more ppl to help there, but short answer, yes you can choose when to complete, but the buyers can walk away if its too long for them. Compromise is the key

princeofpounds

Hi there. Sorry to hear of your circumstances. Your posts ask some good questions and have an intelligent tone, which is impressive given the stress I'm sure you are feeling.

With the house, it depends on how the house is held. If it is in joint names then you need to agree to the sale process, and so you can make the timing and price of it suit both of you.

It's better that you raise the issue, and agree on it, early rather than late. The whole process could easily take until Christmas naturally, but it is a fairly long date if you get a buyer walk in the door tomorrow.

If it is not in joint names you should ask a solicitor to place a charge on the land registry to demonstrate your interest in the property, which will hold up a sale from 'underneath your nose'.

If your OH is desparate to sell and you try to block him, he can ultimately apply to the court for an order for sale. So don't think you can block things forever though it's easy enough for a couple of months. The reason I mention this is that you will obviously be attached to your home and it's tempting to draw things out, but the reality is that if you can't afford it on half the assets it will have to go eventually. It's a nice idea to have your children back to home at Christmas but remember it also traps 2 unhappy spouses in place also.

On a more general point, it's good to see a solicitor as people have said. But don't think it needs to be adversarial. Many divorce solicitors are specialists on mediation too. If you both are very clear about your assets and liabilities, cut a fair deal, much of which can be pre-agreed, through a mediation process quickly it doesn't even have to be that expensive. It's disputes that are really costly.