Is it low self esteem or just insecurity?

Scorpio33

Forget about any relationship for now.
Forget about friends for now.
Accept that you are not perfect - and no one really is perfect.

Then start doing the things you enjoy, that make you happy.


Not sure what they are? Then try things out. Join local societies (for example, check out your local paper for clubs), join a gym, but make sure you are doing these things for you - to make you happy and no one else.

In time you will meet people naturally through your hobbies or through work. The more people you meet, the more chances you will haev of meeting people you get on with (as friends or otherwise). When you do people, get yourself out of your comfort zone and speak to them. Don't be afraid of emarassing yourself, it won't happen.

Eventually you will jave the lifestyle you want and will be happy - but do not have too high expectiations - life is not perfect, accept this.

The key is if you carry on doing things you are currently doing, then you will get the same results. Do something different and see what happens.

Scorpio33

and just to add - in terms of low self esteem...

This is basically you having a distorted view of how you actually are. No one is perfect, but you over emphasise the negative points and ignore all the good points about yourself.

No one can "make you happy". You need to change your mind set.

So when you start having negative thoughts about yourself, recognise what you are doing and tell yourself that what you are thinking is not hwo it actually is. Then aim to think about 10 things about yourself that is good everyday and try and over emphasise the good things about yourself.

When someone gives you a compliment, don't get into a negative cycle of saying oh no, thats not true - gracefully say thank you, accept the compliment for what it is and move forward.


I know all these things seem simple on paper, but are a thousand times harder to put into practice. You have had a length of time doing what you do, and habits are hard to break - but they can be broken. Yes you will have low points, just persevere.

Yorkie1

I had another thought about Fbk: the status updates now default to 'most popular' for everybody's screen, rather than 'most recent'. I imagine that this means that quite a few people don't see all of the posts that have been made - so rather than deliberately ignoring you, they just didn't see your post.

fluffnutter

Is there a difference?

LowSelfEsteemer

Wow guys and girls thanks for the response! Wasn't too sure if anybody would respond to my pity post but thanks for taking the time to respond

Re the mates, well as some of you have suggested i've sent out a reminder, we'll wait to see if they respond. Doesn't matter if they don't, it'll probably just be me and one other but she's the closest out of the lot of them.

After all this birthday nonsense is over i'm going to try and change my mindset. I'm not going to worry about not being in a relationship because as someone kindly pointed out to me you have to be happy with yourself before you can be truly happy in a relationship.

I'm going to take up my gym again, the attendance has been sliding for a while!

And finally i'm going to take the time and read the brilliant advice you guys have given me on here.

Oh and happy birthday to my fellow virgo's this week xx