Is it low self esteem or just insecurity?

LowSelfEsteemer

Hi Everyone

The usual story. I don't want to be identified so i've set up an AE. Please bear with me and I feel sad enough for asking complete strangers but i feel I need some impartial advice/a kick up the arris!

Basically for the past couple of weeks i've felt really lonely. It doesn't help that it's my birthday in a few days and no one seems bothered about celebrating it with me. I sent out a facebook message last week and hardly anyone has responded, including some people who I thought were good friends.

I don't know if it's a fact that i'm getting older (i know it's only an early 30s birthday but still.....) and that I have never really been in love with anybody but all my friends are in long term relationships and I haven't had one really EVER. I've tried all the internet dating malarky but i'm losing faith quickly....

I've never been one having loads of friends either, always had few good ones, but even they're getting on with their own lives now. I've got a lot of good things going for me on the outside but for as long as I can remember i've always felt quite lonely (always left out of games at school and with my sisters - oldest of three).

I am kinda seeing someone at the minute. I'm starting to really like him but I think he sees it as a more 'FWB' arrangement. That's the first thing to go I know......

Sorry for the moan, anyone else ever felt like this and now feels like a million $$$$$$$?

This probably reads that I am dependent on other people making me happy. How do I solve this?

xx

ttc39

Hello
Have you contacted any of your mates to see if there is a reason no response to invite yet?

I feel like you sometimes, but think a few weeks of it is getting too much, you need to find out whether there is a genuine reason for their non response.

Hope you find out its maybe just not a good date for them or maybe they have a surprise lined up for you? X

*mudangel*

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough patch! Don't despair - I think everyone feels the way you do from time to time. There's not necessarily a quick fix, but above everything learning to be happy in your own skin is the most important thing you can do. Little steps can help you get there.

There's various ways you can do this, but you have to go out and make it happen. Sounds naff, but I turned my life around after reading 'Be Your Own Life Coach' by Fiona Harrold. If you change the way you see the world, the world changes the way it sees you.

And, yes, have definitely been there. My life was a total mess a few years ago - I was a single mum, living in a dreadful place, in debt, had an eating disorder which ruled my life, felt unhappy all the time. It was utterly miserable. Now, I'm happily married, have a wonderful daughter, lovely home, great job AND I'm happy just being me. A real catalyst for me was taking up running - it got me outdoors, getting fit and achieving things I'd never dreamed possible. And I've met new friends (and a husband!) into the bargain.

Re. birthday. You could send a gentle reminder to see if anyone fancies doing something. Don't be disheartened if they don't - they may genuinely be busy. Just make it a great day for YOU.

Embrace getting older! I've had great inspiration in my mother - she's in her 60s and happier than ever! Even though advertising agencies may tell us otherwise, I think women positively start to bloom with age. Personally, I'm loving my mid-30s. I don't tolerate half the cr*p I used to.

And, sorry, I'm totally assuming that you're a woman, but I could be wrong.

heartbreak_star

I'd say give them a gentle prod. I know I get lots of FB invites and sometimes don't respond, so maybe a group message? Mind you, I'm not that bothered about my birthday anyway haha!

Do you have any hobbies? Learning new stuff can also make you feel better about yourself.

If this carries on I'd also suggest a chat to the GP in case you're suffering depression.

Good luck!

HBS x

Netwizard

OP - there is more people feeling like this than you think - me included sometimes.

Unfortunately we live in times where social media has taken over. Im not a big facebook user and only use it to keep in touch with a few people but I think people use things like facebook to put their lives across in a perfect light. Sort of a "oohh look at me, im so perfect. Look at my holiday pics and my new car etc" when actually behind closed doors, life isnt all that rosey.

Im 30 next next year. Im single, and what few mates I do have are in relationships. Thats just life really. Sometimes im not happy single, other times, im glad of it.

marisco_2

Sorry to hear you are a bit down OP. I think many people feel as you do from time to time. I am probably going to sound really old fashioned saying this but I would suggest just phoning your friends instead of using facebook. Much nicer to have a chat with people, share your latest news and quickly establish where they are at and if they can make it to your birthday. I dislike facebook as I think it is a very cold and false kind of social media. Any friend of mine trying to arrange to meet me solely via that site would rarely get a response as I use it so little. Don't take no reply to mean a rebuff.

Hope you have a really lovely birthday, however you choose to celebrate it

Jox

Happy birthday for this week! It's my b'day on Wed, so hello fellow Virgo

I'm quite a solitary soul too, don't have tons of friends, value the few I have and get upset when they don't seem to emotionally invest in me the way I do in them, but I guess they are busier than I am.

I've taken the day off work and arranged a lunch for me and 2 girls who don't work and I'll be treating them cos that will make me happy.

Take matters in your own hands and arrange something as big or small as you like and tell your mates to be there.

I met my hubby when I was 33 and got married at 34, I'd been single for 7 years before he came along! It will happen for you xx

*max*

It's my birthday on Thursday, so we could have a joint party! I haven't organised anything, but I'm pretty sure it'd be the same if I had. I don't have many friends either, just a couple of good ones and a bunch of "mates", plus I'm broke. I'm foreseeing a quiet night in a local pub with maybe 2 or 3 people. I'm more than happy with that, as I quite enjoy my own company anyway and hate massive parties. Just plan something you know you will enjoy even by yourself, and if some people want to join you then it'll just be a bonus.

bellaboo86

Sorry to hear that you are feeling low. However I feel I need to stick up for your friends here. You say you sent them a facebook message a week ago in regards to your birthday. I'm sorry but I don't think a week is enough notice. You mentioned that your friends are mostly settled down so I'm assuming some will have kids. Childcare can be a nightmare to sort out. I have friends with children and just friends who are busy. We arrange our nights out well in advance. I've just arranged a joint birthday night out for myself and a friend for November. This gives everyone plenty of time to get childcare and make sure you get in their diaries first!

Yorkie1

I think FBk is great at enabling us to think we're connected to people, and great at making us feel as though nobody wants to be connected to us! I went through a phase of feeling very isolated because nobody clicked like on my status updates or responded to my posts.

This just emphasises one's low self esteem and insecurities.

Waiting for others to respond or take more of an initiative is a situation where you have no control over the situation. It's not easy, but I found that making direct contact with a couple of people often reaped better rewards - pick up the phone so you can discuss alternative meet-up ways if need be. People are so used to being texted or FBk'd that a personal contact is a nice surprise!

Barny1979

OP - Sorry to hear your situation, I'm in the same place as you at the moment really. Turned 34 last month and had only a couple of people acknowledge the fact and spent the whole day sat on my own. I'm hoping that things will change for the better, but slowly losing faith.

Chin up and I hope it gets better for you.