Need advice on another child/sahm situation

MrsSippi

Good morning all - newbie here .

I would really appreciate any advice/opinions (good or bad) on the following situation I am in as I don't think I have ever been so undecided over something before:

A bit of background - I am 29 years old, have been with my lovely husband for the past 12 years and we have a gorgeous 2 year old daughter. We have a mortgage and unfortunately a personal loan which we are hoping to clear next year. I currently work part time (3 days a week) and our daughter attends nursery on these days.

I would like to have another child and (if we were to do this) would like it to happen as close as possible to when my daughter starts school (2015) as I would have to give up work and be a sahm because we couldn't afford childcare for 2 children. By timing it like this we would be free of her nursery fees and it would cause the least disruption for her and me (as I wouldn't have to worry about childcare for her when I am at work/school hols etc). I also have a couple of health issues (nothing major) and have been advised that basically if I want more children, the sooner the better! I was very ill towards the end of my pregnancy and although, thank god, I came through it in one piece it was a bit touch and go for me and my daughter at one point, so my husband had to see all that, and it has understandably stuck with him.

The concerns I have are that I am not 100% confident about being a sahm - I have always worked and I like to have the adult contact, change of scenery etc. I am not a 'sahm' type of person (though I have the greatest of respect for those that are). Having said that, I have always been the type of person who just gets on with things so although I am under no illusions it will be very tough at times, I will keep telling myself it is only for a few years (until 2nd child starts school) and I am sure I will muddle through. I would also look at getting a job a couple of mornings a week or something so I can keep my sanity! (though this would be dependent on asking a grandparent if the would be happy to babysit for this time)

The other (more important) problem is my husband. Although he would love another child, he is a born worrier and as we have been struggling financially for a while he wants to enjoy life a bit when our loan is cleared. I am quite a practical "lets roll our sleeves up and get on with it" type of person (especially when things get tough), he is not. He hasn't said that he definitely doesn't want another child but has also made it quite clear that (right now at least) he doesn't even want to think about it. My other problem is that although there is nothing whatsoever wrong with being an only child, I want my daughter to have a sibling. She is a very sociable child who I think would love it and both my husband and I have siblings and both agree that although we fought like cat and dog a lot of the time, we both loved it.

So where do I go from here? I really don't know what to do for the best - obviously I wouldn't dream of forcing my husband into having another child (I have made it quite clear to him that if he was adamant next year that he does not want more kids that we wouldn't do it - no guilt trip or anything but I feel that it has to be something we both want 100%), but at the same time I think it could be really good for all of us.

Sorry for the life story but thought it best to make it all clear!

Gigglepig

If you want to have another child in 2015, why not spend the next year trying to improve the financial situation, and increase your income? That way perhaps you don't need to be a sahm if you don't want to, and your husband will be less worried about the financial situation. Then next year, re-evaluate the situation.

Spendless

Sorry, I am not sure I am following you? If you are waiting until your eldest goes to f-time school why can't you return to your 3 day a week job after having the second? Breakfast and after school club fees are nothing like paying all day nursery costs. If you can negotiate to within school hours with your employer even better, though you might then find a childminder more flexible with the hours you need for baby.

If you are concerned about leaving it too long, have you taking into account your maternity leave? You don't have to wait to start trying till eldest is actually at school. Work out how long you'd be able to afford off work with the view to it ending as eldest starts school. Give yourself enough leeway to account for conceiving straight away or a baby born prematurely.

I think you need to open up to discussion with your husband about when if the right time for you to start trying if you were both decide to have another.

MrsSippi

Gigglepig wrote: »

If you want to have another child in 2015, why not spend the next year trying to improve the financial situation, and increase your income? That way perhaps you don't need to be a sahm if you don't want to, and your husband will be less worried about the financial situation. Then next year, re-evaluate the situation.

Thanks for the reply. We are aiming to clear the loan next year which would mean that we would be in a comfortable situation money wise (though that is with both of us working). In an ideal situation I would return to work after having a 2nd child but unfortunately the combined cost of childcare for 2 children (nursery - either full or part time for the younger one and childminders/after school care of the older one) would cost far more than what I would be earning (my husbands wages pay 90% of the bills and mine cover the remaining 10% and childcare costs). We don't have anyone in the family who is willing or able to help us out with childcare (which I understand and am fine with but it does mean that it doesn't leave us with another option).

Gigglepig

Just because childcare costs more than you are earning NOW doesn't mean you can't try to change/improve your earning potential.

Eta - and reduce your costs, including considering relocation if travel costs are a big issue

MrsSippi

Spendless wrote: »

Sorry, I am not sure I am following you? If you are waiting until your eldest goes to f-time school why can't you return to your 3 day a week job after having the second? Breakfast and after school club fees are nothing like paying all day nursery costs. If you can negotiate to within school hours with your employer even better, though you might then find a childminder more flexible with the hours you need for baby.

If you are concerned about leaving it too long, have you taking into account your maternity leave? You don't have to wait to start trying till eldest is actually at school. Work out how long you'd be able to afford off work with the view to it ending as eldest starts school. Give yourself enough leeway to account for conceiving straight away or a baby born prematurely.

I think you need to open up to discussion with your husband about when if the right time for you to start trying if you were both decide to have another.

Thanks for the reply. I wouldn't be able to return to my job as it is now (or even a full time post) as combined child care costs for 2 children and travel fares would easily deplete my wages and leave us worse off. I have looked into breakfast clubs and the like because they would be a godsend for me but unfortunately both of the schools we will apply to don't have this facility, neither do they have any after school clubs (apart from a 1 hour football club which isn't really suitable).

I completely understand your point about timing. We would probably look at trying for another towards the end of next year so that baby would (ideally) be due between June-Sep 2015 to coincide with school starting (a couple of months overlap of daughter being at nursery and having a newborn would be managable). My daughter was premature so that is also something I am bearing in mind as a possiblity with a 2nd child.

I think I want to help my husband make a decision (as he is so completely undecided) but I definitely don't want to decide for him. I am trying to think of all the pros and cons (no matter how big or small) so we can make an informed decision together.

MrsSippi

Gigglepig wrote: »

Just because childcare costs more than you are earning NOW doesn't mean you can't try to change/improve your earning potential.

Absolutely, and I would actively pursue this. If this did work out then that would be the ideal situation for both of us as it would mean that we could have another child, I could continue working and it would ease the financial pressure on both of us. I have been keeping an eye out just to see whats available but so far there hasn't been anything that pays enough. I work in an admin role and although I have quite a few qualifications there does seem to be a bit of a 'ceiling' on the wages I could earn.

Re: location - if we didn't have another child I would still looking at changing jobs to somewhere a bit closer to home as where I work now is 2 towns away from where my daughter goes to school, which could be a problem if she needs picking up due to illness/snow etc.

onlyroz

If there isn't an after-school club available then you should be able to find a local childminder who can do an after school collection. I did this for two years, with my son, until the school set up an after-school club. The cost of the child-minder was around £4 an hour.

As an aside, many schools don't operate an after-school club because they don't think there is a demand - and so you need to make the school aware that there is a demand by pushing for it. The school my kids attend have recently set up a system where they will mini-bus the children to the after-school club at a neighbouring school, and this is what we will be using from this term. The cost of this is £9 for the session (3:15 - 6pm) and so it works out cheaper than the child-minder.

belowtheline2013

Remember that when Universal Credit comes in it will cover up to 85% of childcare fees for two parents paying tax or 70% otherwise up to £300 per week for 2 children.

Also there is a big jump in Tax Credits between 1 and 2 children. We didn't qualify with just 1 child but since having our son we now get most of our childcare back

My OH earns 20k working full-time and myself 8k part-time and we manage to afford nursery for 3 days a week for 2 toddlers due to help of tax credits.

MrsSippi

onlyroz wrote: »

If there isn't an after-school club available then you should be able to find a local childminder who can do an after school collection. I did this for two years, with my son, until the school set up an after-school club. The cost of the child-minder was around £4 an hour.

As an aside, many schools don't operate an after-school club because they don't think there is a demand - and so you need to make the school aware that there is a demand by pushing for it. The school my kids attend have recently set up a system where they will mini-bus the children to the after-school club at a neighbouring school, and this is what we will be using from this term. The cost of this is £9 for the session (3:15 - 6pm) and so it works out cheaper than the child-minder.

Thanks for the reply. At the moment there is a childminder who does school collections so if there is just one child that would be fine as I would continue working (full time if possible), and would use a childminder to collect her from school.

I asked a couple of the mums at the local school (one of our 2 options) recently about after school clubs and they said that they have been asking for one to be set up for the last few years but apparently the school said there wasn't enough demand for it, even though a lot of parents were asking.

If we only had one child, the childcare/working situation would be fairly straightforward - I would continue working either full or part time and we could afford a childminder for our daughter for the remaining time. The problems would arise if we had 2 children.

MrsSippi

belowtheline2013 wrote: »

Remember that when Universal Credit comes in it will cover up to 85% of childcare fees for two parents paying tax or 70% otherwise up to £300 per week for 2 children.

Also there is a big jump in Tax Credits between 1 and 2 children. We didn't qualify with just 1 child but since having our son we now get most of our childcare back

My OH earns 20k working full-time and myself 8k part-time and we manage to afford nursery for 3 days a week for 2 toddlers due to help of tax credits.

I wasn't aware of this change, so thanks for letting me know - it could definitely help us if it is something we would be eligible for.

I hope I am not coming across wrong in my posts - in an ideal world (and I am just talking about me for a second, not my husband) I would have another child, continue working and there would be affordable childcare for both of them. If this was to happen I think my husband would love to have a 2nd child too. I just am unsure at the moment how doable this is.