Convincing your partner to be a little more, uhm, moderated with their food?

kiss_me_now9

Ok, this is going to be an odd one, but bear with me.

Me and my partner do the fortnightly shop together (or at least, plan it together). We meal plan when we get a chance and we try to stay within an acceptable amount of spending on food each month. However, my partner has an awful habit of 'I want it, I'll have it' and he doesn't know when to stop.

He'll eat half a packet of Digestives with a pint of milk in the evening if he feels so inclined. We've had a fair few arguments in the past because he eats whatever he wants and he doesn't consider whether I wanted it or not - such as yoghurts (I don't bother thinking 'Oh, I'd like that yoghurt' any more as I know 9/10 times it'll be gone by the time I get round to eating it) and fruit. He also seems to have a problem with squash; he'll go through one of the litre bottles of Tesco double concentrate in about a fortnight :eek:

He's very self concious about his body and I think he uses food as a way to cope with his horrible job and other feelings, so if I try to stop him it generally goes down pretty badly. Help!

Mossop93

Have you tried showing what you'd save if he didn't do it? It may seem like pennies but it soon adds up to pounds.. Maybe if you put the focus on the £ he won't feel it's a dig about lbs?

That and just point out you'd wanted the strawberry yoghurt for lunch etc? Chances are he's thought you didn't want it because you hadn't eaten it yet? Or thought you could just have a different flavour?

Mojisola

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

He's very self concious about his body and I think he uses food as a way to cope with his horrible job and other feelings, so if I try to stop him it generally goes down pretty badly.

If the real problems are his job and other feelings, it's no use trying to tackle his comfort eating - is there any way he can change the bits of his life that are making him unhappy?

For practical purposes, think of a fridge in a shared house - if you buy something that's for you or needed for a particular recipe, either label it or put it on one shelf and make sure he knows that stuff on that shelf is "reserved".

kiss_me_now9

He can't really shift jobs unfortunately, it's something I've asked him to do multiple times because he comes home day after day and just hates it but he seems lost as to what to do. He wants to go back to uni (he dropped out whilst I carried on to finish my degree) but that's another thread entirely as we'll be 28 when he's finished and I'm not entirely sold on the idea.

Mossop, I don't replace what he eats in quantity, if it's gone then it's gone until we go back to the shop so it's not really a money thing right now, well it is in the sense that we buy a load of junk that I don't really care for but it's not in an overspending way? I think you're right, he assumes that because I haven't got there yet I don't want it, but that's not really true. I just haven't got in there yet!

Mojisola

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

He can't really shift jobs unfortunately, it's something I've asked him to do multiple times because he comes home day after day and just hates it but he seems lost as to what to do. He wants to go back to uni (he dropped out whilst I carried on to finish my degree) but that's another thread entirely as we'll be 28 when he's finished and I'm not entirely sold on the idea.

So is he still going to in the same job when he reaches retirement?

It can be hard to see your way out of a situation you hate - that's where partners and friends can help you see the way forward.

Dunroamin

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

He can't really shift jobs unfortunately, it's something I've asked him to do multiple times because he comes home day after day and just hates it but he seems lost as to what to do. He wants to go back to uni (he dropped out whilst I carried on to finish my degree) but that's another thread entirely as we'll be 28 when he's finished and I'm not entirely sold on the idea.

Mossop, I don't replace what he eats in quantity, if it's gone then it's gone until we go back to the shop so it's not really a money thing right now, well it is in the sense that we buy a load of junk that I don't really care for but it's not in an overspending way? I think you're right, he assumes that because I haven't got there yet I don't want it, but that's not really true. I just haven't got in there yet!

Wow - one foot in the grave!

kiss_me_now9

Mojisola wrote: »

So is he still going to in the same job when he reaches retirement?

It can be hard to see your way out of a situation you hate - that's where partners and friends can help you see the way forward.

Well, he's planning to go down to part time hours when (if...) he goes back to college, but when I suggested that he looks for a brand new part time job he said that he'd rather stay where he knows he has a job than go to a new company and get sacked two weeks later because they don't need him any more. No, I don't understand that logic either...

Dunroamin wrote: »

Wow - one foot in the grave!

Oh god I know. I feel so old. That is definitely a me problem, not related to this thread or issue but I always felt that by the age of 25 I'd be married or at least engaged and living in my own house two years later. Kids before 30... I dunno. I drive myself crazy.

glitterkitty

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

Well, he's planning to go down to part time hours when (if...) he goes back to college, but when I suggested that he looks for a brand new part time job he said that he'd rather stay where he knows he has a job than go to a new company and get sacked two weeks later because they don't need him any more. No, I don't understand that logic either...



Oh god I know. I feel so old. That is definitely a me problem, not related to this thread or issue but I always felt that by the age of 25 I'd be married or at least engaged and living in my own house two years later. Kids before 30... I dunno. I drive myself crazy.

I used to think that too, now I'm almost 30 and I'm not married and no kids. Me and BF live together and I've decided that trying to plan these things isn't good. You stop living, and spend all your time planning.
Those things will happen for us when we are ready, not before :-)

dylan2011

I also used to plan things, but as you go along you find out that life doesn't always work like that, and the most important part of life is happiness and without it, there is no point in the plan any way.
My plans were similar to yours, but instead I had the kids started at 25, got the house at 28 (this year), also started my own business this year and partner is going back to college to fulfil his dreams (he is 33 now) and who knows, perhaps will be married at 30, but if not, I know we are happy.

Molly41

I would support him in his dreams as you are still very young x

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Seriously...he eats your portion of yoghurt , fruit, squash and digestives. So buy more yogurt, fruit, squash and digestives. And buy less of the stuff that gets left over at the end of the fortnight.

Or

You are going to have to agree that half of the treats are yours and once he has had his half, he needs to stop or go get some more for himself.

Also, he needs to either go and finish uni now, or find another job if its making him that unhappy.