Doing it alone (first post)

*Foolish*

Sophie, I managed to get my OH on board after I started my DMP as he soon realised that I could no longer sub him here and there. I think I forced his LBM and he is also now on a DMP, however the vast majority of the debt is with my DMP. He still doesn't seem to grasp the extreme seriousness of our situation and still finds budgeting very difficult (although I struggle with it still too!) and still wants to buy what he wants. Slowly but surely he does
seem to be realising that he can't just spend willy nilly!
I fully appreciate how you must be feeling with your OH and although I haven't really offered any advice, I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one.

Pink_Ali

Chucking my very personnel 2p in me and my OH went to relate about our inability to communicate. LONG storey short we now have learnt that we are on the same wavelength about most things. My OH however is convinced that expensive equals better. They make jokes at me for going to lidl and Costco BUT when mentioned everyone else admits they do to.
I think that this is making them come round. I sat down with my very anal spreadsheet (bit ott) and said these are the facts and we COMPROMISED. lidl or holiday. They get to choose and we're both happyas both getting one out of two. Not saying all rosy but pretty good.

In the end lidl and holiday, shopped around like !!!!!!y and got a good deal!

Pink_Ali

Wow, just noticed it's 7.30 and no noise from the kids! And it's a Sunday.
Not relevant but first time in 4yrs in this house that both in bed post 7am!

Pink_Ali

Wow, just noticed it's 7.30 and no noise from the kids! And it's a Sunday.
Not relevant but first time in 4yrs in this house that both in bed post 7am!

Fmess

Hi Sophie

I have an OH that sounds very similar! He has never been financially responsible and much of my debt is from bailing him out/"loaning" him money etc. He says he'll pay me back but so far I've had about £50 all year.

He earns a good wage but at the moment it's quite a bit less than mine and so reckons he doesn't have the money to pay me back. Last month he got a payment back from the tax man and spent the whole thing on treats for himself.

This month I've really started to try pay off as much as possible off the debt and am doing ok but I do feel like he is still heading in the wrong direction. I've decided I need to be tougher with him and just say no, but I find it hard.

It's awful your OH has decided to go on holiday without you, when you are working so hard to pay off the debt!

Good luck with your debt busting

Moneymash

Sorry I'm not falling for this...thread. The OP is a newbie who posts on 30 August with major debt issues, despite numerous supportive and helpful responses doesn't post again until 11 October, then posts another identical post (save the last sentence) on the same day?!

Within a few months significant amounts of debt have been paid off (with no real explanation), despite the fact the OP felt so overwhelmed by the debt just a few months earlier they registered to post and ask for help.

Also, why would a married man leave his wife to go to the Maldives, I've always know it to be a couples destination. If the op had said he was going to Thailand/Amsterdam with his mates that for me would be more plausible.

Now today we have a newbie hijacking the thread to talk about their children's sleeping patterns.

What's next someone posting 'I like turtles' on this thread?

LannieDuck

You say he's going to save up 'his' money to go on hol - do you both get spending money each month? Can you not save up the same as him and both go together?

matttye

Moneymash wrote: »

Sorry I'm not falling for this...thread. The OP is a newbie who posts on 30 August with major debt issues, despite numerous supportive and helpful responses doesn't post again until 11 October, then posts another identical post (save the last sentence) on the same day?!

Within a few months significant amounts of debt have been paid off (with no real explanation), despite the fact the OP felt so overwhelmed by the debt just a few months earlier they registered to post and ask for help.

Also, why would a married man leave his wife to go to the Maldives, I've always know it to be a couples destination. If the op had said he was going to Thailand/Amsterdam with his mates that for me would be more plausible.

Now today we have a newbie hijacking the thread to talk about their children's sleeping patterns.

What's next someone posting 'I like turtles' on this thread?

Not sure why people feel the need to call these types of threads out.

If you think it's fake just don't bother posting.

There's no harm done by people replying - people obviously have free time to come on these boards, read and post. It's not like people are getting paid to help out here.

*Foolish*

Fmess wrote: »

Hi Sophie

I have an OH that sounds very similar! He has never been financially responsible and much of my debt is from bailing him out/"loaning" him money etc. He says he'll pay me back but so far I've had about £50 all year.

He earns a good wage but at the moment it's quite a bit less than mine and so reckons he doesn't have the money to pay me back. Last month he got a payment back from the tax man and spent the whole thing on treats for himself.

This month I've really started to try pay off as much as possible off the debt and am doing ok but I do feel like he is still heading in the wrong direction. I've decided I need to be tougher with him and just say no, but I find it hard.

It's awful your OH has decided to go on holiday without you, when you are working so hard to pay off the debt!

Good luck with your debt busting

It's good to know that we're not the only ones, and I do find that those not in the situation don't fully understand, as, although my friends are supportive of me and my decisons, I have had, in the past comments along the line of "why don't you get rid of him?". Hmm yeah thanks, that helps me a lot!

Carlusha

spudsofa wrote: »

If anything its YOU that should be going on a holiday paid for by your partner for all your hard work !

If you had to shoulder all that debt by yourself without any support from him, then you should be debt free and partner free pretty soon.

W

Seriously, I wanted to post some time ago but decided to step back and cool down first. I agree totally with "spudsofa" whose post I chose to quote.

I believe your DH is in denial about how UNcomfortably off you are (rather like an alcoholic or a gambling addict).

Quite apart from that, if he carries out his Maldives holiday, you would do well to rid yourself of him. There can be no goodness in such a man. Does he ever tell you he loves you or appreciate anything you do? Does he blame YOU for the current situation? Other problems?

Sorry, I have to stop. Yes, I am a bloke but of the old school and at 67 years of age, I shouldn't allow myself to get so upset.

Keep it up and I hope one day you find a REAL man, a GENTLEMAN.