Doing it alone (first post)

Liliyanna

Hi there,

As everyone has said you've done really well and should be rightly proud of yourself

Your OH puzzles me somewhat, he says he is going to save on his own and go to the Maldives without you?

This is a really strange attitude, it's as if he doesn't think he has any responsibility for the debt. Did you both accrue them together or one more than the other?

How do you feel about his Maldives plan, is he really that selfish? Whether its an idle threat or not it doesn't sound as if he values your efforts or respects you too much

I really hope he values you in other ways and your not just a convenience to him.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but as I said he has a very strange attitude.

I hope everything works out for you
Lily x x

spudsofa

If anything its YOU that should be going on a holiday paid for by your partner for all your hard work !

If you had to shoulder all that debt by yourself without any support from him, then you should be debt free and partner free pretty soon.

W

Betty_Crumble

Hi, I don't want to rip into your partner (<that bits a lie) i'm sure a lot of us have put up with stuff that others would wince at but omg I am stunned at such a heartless attitude. I mean 2 weeks for one and the Maldives for two. Is he deliberately trying to upset/wind you up.

I dare say that as you have enough on your plate at the moment you would not be wanting the added stress of addressing this with vigour but I wold take a moment to see what, if anything, you can do to change your situation. The pain of being in 50k of debt (at the start) can not be helped by having someone so thoughtless and selfish along for the ride.

I really hope that some of the strength you have applied to doing the most fantastic job of getting your debts down can be applied to pointing out to your partner just how unbelievably uncaring his attitude is, it stinks!

I wish you well, you have done a fantastic job and good luck for the future.

(off to cool my blood down now lol)

strandedinaber

Wow, Sophie, I am seriously in awe. You've done an amazing job of getting your debt under control and paid down in a very short amount of time.

With regards to your OH, I'm a singleton I'm afraid so not experienced this, but it sounds like a horrid situation Can you sit him down and explain to him why you are doing this and why you think it's important that you pay down your debts? And would he be willing to compromise on the Maldives?

Frugal_Saver

Hi there, first of all a massive congratulations to you, that is a fantastic achievement to clear all those debts.

Your OH sounds similar to mine and I completely sympathise with you on that front. As you can see from my signature I have been doing this for just over a year now, my debt is nothing like yours but it's still not been easy. Whenever I try and talk to my OH about anything related to money saving he either switches off and ignores me or tells me he's not interested and says that he just wants to enjoy life. I can't even get to a point where I can show him how much money can be saved by paying things off quicker. I have come to realise that it's not because he doesn't want to take responsibility for things because he is happy to pay his way but he's in a more fortunate position than his parents and we've never missed any payments or anything like that so he doesn't see any need to change his ways.

In the last month I have taken it upon myself to do meal plans for the week, I've tried it before but not with much success. This time around it's been a lot better, I sit down on a Saturday and plan meals for the week trying to make use of things we already have in the cupboard, fridge and freezer. I set myself a budget each week and buy only the things needed for those meals. Each morning I say to my OH shall we have such and such for dinner tonight and he usually agrees. It has worked really well and after a week or so I explained to my OH what I was doing but he wasn't interested, I've kept on doing it and he hasn't complained yet!

Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to reassure you that you're not alone. Well done on coming so far, by the sounds of things it won't be long before you clear the rest if your debt.

Buffythedebtslayer

I would be incredibly hurt by your OH's attitude. you are a team but he frankly really isn't pulling his weight at all!

You have done SO well to pay off the amount you have. That is amazing actually, plenty of us on here would love to be in your position - if you see what I mean!

I would be so angry with him.

can't offer any advice as I haven't been in your position but just wanted to let you know you aren't crazy for feeling a bit let down.

hugs and well done XXX

HOK3Y

Oh Sophie, I am so sorry to hear this. You have done so very well with your debts - it's absolutely inspiring to see what you have achieved. I cannot imagine being in the situation you are in and he will obviously hold you to ransom on this because he can. You care about it, he doesn't and so he knows he doesn't have to raise a finger or give a rat's bottom because you will take care of it. Very selfish of him and swanning off to the Maldives without you is appalling behaviour.

Although you are a better woman than me because I would sell no end of his stuff while he was gone to pay off some of the debt and then claim ignorance when he got back!

Seriously though, does he still have access to a credit card? I am asking this because with his attitude, it is entirely possible that he will run up more debt without caring - especially as he is not making any sacrifices to clear your current situation? I wouldn't want him having access to any credit until he understands the severity of being in debt.

Wish you love and luck, Sophie. xx

matttye

I hope the ticket to the Maldives is one way with that kind of attitude!

Karonher

Well done Sophie. However, I can sort of see where DH is coming from. it does sound as if his money has been used as well to cut back a lot of the debt and it could have been some of his belongings that were sold as well. I know the poster wants to clear the debts asap but OH could feel that they have no say in anything anymore. They want to go on holiday -no, they want a few days away - no, a meal out - no. it does seem that there is no compromise on either side.

When there was £20k to pay of it was estimated it would take a year, so a holiday could have just put back the debt free day by a few months- not in the Maldives, but if both were going they could have discussed somewhere cheaper.

sparklychar

Just wanted to add similar sentiments really Sophie, I know I wouldn't enjoy going on holiday somewhere as romantic as the Maldives without my OH....

You've done amazingly well. We are slightly similar in our house, I deal with the finances generally, and a few months ago had similar conversations with my OH, with him being unsupportive and burying his head in the sand. Had some serious words, I packed a bag I was ready to go if he wasn't prepared to change.... funnily enough he's been a lot better since! even caught him looking at mortgages the other day