Doing it alone (first post)

Sophiesogood

I have lurked on here for a long time and up until a year ago was if I am honest quite jealous of everyones acheivements, it was always "I'll start next month, then the next one etc."I finally bit the bullet in October of 2012 when I was sick of coming home every night praying that we had no post as every letter seemed to be brown or offering more credit so enough was enough.

I took my courage in both hands and opened the drawer of doom, it was FULL of unopened statements I grabbed them all put them on the table and sat down in front of a pile (and I mean a pile) of unopened letters it took over half an hour to open them all and a further 2 hours to figure out where we stood, it was such a shock I nearly choked on the champagne lifestyle we were living, I have rounded the figures just to make it a bit easier

Overdrafts
Barclays 2000
Nationwide 6000
Intelligent Finance (bit of an oxymoron there!) 5000
Lloyds overdraft 2000
Credit Cards
Virgin 8000
Amex 5000
Nationwide 7000
Loans
Tesco 10000
Sainsbury 5000

I haven’t included the mortgages (plural because we have a buy-to let) in this as they were being covered

But we had the hat trick, Overdrafts, Credit Cards, Loans (luckily no store cards) and absolutely no control over what was going out, all the CC’s where on standard rate mainly because we’d balance transferred them to the 0% deals and then not set up a standing order and missed a payment, in fact in one transfer we moved 8K incurred the 3.5% charge and defaulted the following month!

Enough was enough I managed to get a final current account with what seemed like the only bank we didn’t have an account with and begged them for no overdraught facility which was difficult as our credit score was so high we were apparently “ideal customers” still they finally agreed.

This account has effectively become our piggy bank. First thing I did was increase our debt (bear with me), I applied and was naturally accepted for a load more credit cards, all with the 0% deals, and transferred the balances onto those with standing orders set up from the new current account. I then set up another SO from the account my wages went in to (just) cover the minimum charge on each of those, anything else we could scrimp together would go to the new account for over payments.

Excel was next, a simple spreadsheet of money in/money out this spreadsheet has now grown to about 20 pages drilling down to everything with capital/interest repayments, what has been sold and for how much, where every penny is going, “what if” pages etc., I feel that although I may not be totally in control of our finances yet, at least I can see where we are going and how quickly.

Then I cut our costs harder than a conservative government preparing for a triple dip recession., even things I hadn’t thought of before or had been “necessities” I parked 5 minutes away and walked the final bit to the station in the morning saving £25 a week, all the walking meant I no longer needed the gym membership which I used once a month, lunch is now packed by me rather than the fancy sandwich shop down the road another £15 a week, swapped the coffee shop for the kettle (our local coffee shop almost closed through the lack of my business), the same at home, Waitrose gave way to Tesco’s,
I found I really didn’t need 2 phones on contract etc. etc.

Next step eBay/Car boots, auction houses, gold sellers (for old jewellery) anything I get goes into the new account, and once a month I make an overpayment, I slipped up once in paying off a 0% credit card, rather than a loan but it was psychological in getting rid of a “small” debt quicker rather than a big one, but lesson learned.

10 months down the line we are getting there our debts are down to a “manageable” 20K (yes we did sell a LOT of stuff, and were fortunate in being able to divert some of the money from the buy to let to just debts) but we still have a way to go, I figure maybe another year.

Where do we stand now?

Overdrafts
Barclays Paid
Nationwide 6000
Intelligent Finance Paid
Lloyds overdraft Paid
Credit Cards
Virgin Paid
Amex Paid
Nationwide 6000
Loans
Tesco 8000
Sainsbury Paid

But… and here is the BUT. I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. My partner is STILL in denial he really couldn’t care less about the situation and if I talk to him about debts it just ends up in an argument, all he says is “we need a holiday we haven’t been away this year” (we’ve had days out trips in England and stuff which is more than a lot of people, but have been so focussed on reducing the debt I figured we could sacrifice one year to be happy for the rest of them) “let's go out for dinner” "how about going away for the weekend" etc., yes I may be a little evangelical/obsessed about this but when I mention we are trying to pay off our debts rather than increase them it just doesn’t go down well and he storms off in a huff.

So has anyone else got a less than supportive/in denial spouse?, and just how do you cope with it?

To be honest I find the strain of doing this on my own really hard to carry, yes it’s a fantastic feeling when another debt is crossed off, the drawer of doom is now filled with proper “stuff” and now I only have that feeling of dread once a month when the Nationwide letter comes through the door, but we ARE getting there and have come so far. I just feel like I am making the journey alone and ANOTHER argument about debt and how it’s no fun any longer last night was almost the final straw, as I start to wonder why am I bothering?

Sorry for the long post just trying to get it off my chest I suppose (also sorry but I don't know how to put my debt list at the bottom of the post, I'll figure it out later!)

katsu

Hi Sophie,

You have done amazingly well.

My DH is with me on my journey, but I see lots of threads on here from other people so maybe you will find some tips that feel right.

Can you share the budgets with your DH perhaps and help him understand what the monthly expenses are and talk about a compromise? Would he rather clear debts and save for a big holiday or perhaps try and save more money in other ways to meet half of a cheaper break, taking less from your current debt repayments?

If he's not yet had his light bulb moment then showing him a more gentle approach might reduce the rows and help him get excited by how much money is available for fun *after* the debts are cleared?

Many congrats on how far you have come. Please let us know how you get on.

I promise being DF is really, really, worth it!

matttye

I think the kind of holiday he wants may be relevant here; is it a weekend at the coast or a week abroad?

After almost a year of hard slog tacking your debt I don't think a holiday is a bad idea! Just keep the budget in mind and do something cheap and cheerful.

Well done

Newyorkdreams

Did you really pay £30K in 10 months? If you did I think that's amazing. Well done!! I think I'm more into MSE than my partner. We have agreed to do it more slowly (and are also going down to 1 income from Sept next year) but still keep an eye on the ball. We still have an annual holiday.

Keep going, I'm well impressed! x

Little-Miss_2

Could you maybe compromise pay half towards a holiday and half towards debt? You have paid an amazing amount off all ready so shouldn't set you back too far.

Scritti

Hi Sophie.

Wow! You have done amazingly well to clear so much debt in such a short space of time. Congratulations!

I feel really bad for you that your partner doesn't sound very supportive. Obviously I don't know him but to be honest I think his attitude is disgraceful.

I'd say that 95% of any falling out with partners I've had over the years (not very often, thankfully) has been down to struggling to cope financially at times, sometimes with essential things, not just "treats".

The arguments have been down to stress on both sides. It was never, though, down to either side moaning about not having a flipping holiday.

Your other half should be over the moon with what you've achieved (for him just as much as yourself) recently and be eternally grateful. I know I would be just gobsmacked if I had a partner that did what you have done.

I "get" arguments and storming out when things seem bleak and unresolvable and both parties are stressed. But I would have thought your bloke would be so happy with what you've done and would support and help you in your quest to be debt free.

To be honest, from what you described, I can only say that he's acting like a complete tool and you deserve a LOT better treatment! You're being the exact opposite of selfish and if anyone should be storming out of rooms, it's you.

I'm a bloke and I don't know any males that wouldn't LOVE to be in your man's shoes. My male friends complain at how much their wives and girlfriends spend if anything (sorry to use a cliche but that is what I've genuinely found) and they all would kill for a partner with your attitude. I would say that your actions show total care and affection for your family. To storm out and moan about going on holiday when you're trying to secure your financial future is childish beyond belief and unexcusable. You clearly deserve to be treated a LOT better.

Sorry but your post got to me a bit. I hope things get sorted out and, again, huge congratulations for sorting out your future finances. You should be extremely proud and rightly so!!

All the best!

roxy7699

Hi,

You've done really well and should be proud of what you have achieved. Does he have his own set budget at all for things he wants or does everything come out of one pot. Perhaps a holiday is something he can put aside for himself. There are cheap holiday options but I totally understand that could push your debt free date back.
Can you put it into perspective with dates? Have you worked out your debt free date? If you work out what the holiday costs you can show how far back that holiday will push it.

Sophiesogood

Sorry

Not the greatest poster here, anyway where do we stand now:-
Overdrafts
Barclays Paid
Nationwide Paid
Intelligent Finance Paid
Lloyds overdraft Paid
Credit Cards
Virgin £6000 0%
Amex Paid
Nationwide CC 0% £5850
Loans
Tesco Paid
Sainsbury Paid


So down to 11850 and all on 0% I transferred the overdraft to the virgin CC as the fees were killing us and am sure nationwide overdraft will hover around 0 to maybe a bit of a minus for the next few months but then I can hopefully concentrate on building a little savings.

It's very strange though as now they are on 0% I feel very little urgency to get them cleared in some ways but in others want to get them cleared before the 0% runs oyt which are both in august of next year.

DH has still had no lightbulb moment and has come to a "compromise" where like you said Roxy he has put his money aside and is off to the Maldives for 2 weeks using his money and I can stay at home, I don't know I'm afraid I really don't know. We got into this together but I don't see the sacrifice from his side but it just makes it tougher too drag yourself into work everyday, don't get me wrong this was our own doing and I WILL get us out of it, I just we could have got out of it together......

I will try and post again soon

Sophiesogood

Sorry

Not the greatest poster here, anyway where do we stand now:-
Overdrafts
Barclays Paid
Nationwide Paid
Intelligent Finance Paid
Lloyds overdraft Paid
Credit Cards
Virgin £6000 0%
Amex Paid
Nationwide CC 0% £5850
Loans
Tesco Paid
Sainsbury Paid


So down to 11850 and all on 0% I transferred the overdraft to the virgin CC as the fees were killing us and am sure nationwide overdraft will hover around 0 to maybe a bit of a minus for the next few months but then I can hopefully concentrate on building a little savings.

It's very strange though as now they are on 0% I feel very little urgency to get them cleared in some ways but in others want to get them cleared before the 0% runs oyt which are both in august of next year.

DH has still had no lightbulb moment and after weeks of "discussions" came to a compromise yesterday where like you said Roxy he has put his money aside and is off to the Maldives for 2 weeks using his money and I can stay at home, I don't know I'm afraid I really don't know. We got into this together but I don't see the sacrifice from his side but it just makes it tougher too drag yourself into work everyday and I DO feel like giving up, don't get me wrong this was our own doing and I WILL get us out of it, I just wish we could have got out of it together......

I will try and post again soon, just a bit sad at the moment

Sophie

wildwestfan

You have done amazingly well. Shame about the OH but I wonder if he will feel a bit guilty when he is holidaying without you. I do hope so.

We are off on holiday next month. going to the Algarve for a week for £125 each. holidays needn't be expensive.

dancingfairy

You're doing so well. It must be hard when your OH isn't on board
A few suggestions:
1) have you worked out a df date yet? Have you showed him this, showed him how a few hundred here or there makes such a big difference?
2) Have you asked him how he thinks you will make repayments if one of you got ill or lost your job?
3) Have you calculated how much interest and charges you've paid over the years?
4) Have you had a chat about the debts? Is he bothered but just wants to pay it off at a slower pace or not bothered at all?

Keep on. You're doing well.
df