How to Deal With a Girlfriend Who is Messy

Lagoon

bltchef wrote: »

`we both work hard we have a dishwasher we have a cleaner 2 hrs a week she is just very messy i do not want want to nag her but even our 14 old son says she is bad but i would not b with out her i just wish she would try a little bit harder fill the dishwasher now again etc i do not expect my tea on the table i do my faire share i just like her to put a bit more effort in

How much does your son do? Is he helping out, too?

Not saying that this has any bearing on your girlfriend's behaviour, but is he contributing to the mess without doing his fair share, whilst you and he talk about how messy his mum is?

bltchef

he does help he put washing in tidy up the kitchen fill the dishwasher and empty it its not just me it him as well bit feed up of his messy mum he love her to bits but she like a comet she leaves a trail were ever she goes lol

Brighton_belle

If it is your GF that is calling herself a slob, does she say this with a touch of 'don't care' pride, or does she see it as a problem?

I appreciate it is frustrating for you and I sympathise - this is your home too so it is legitimate to explore having your needs met as well as hers. It is very clear you do love and appreciate her.

If she sees it as a problem, it will be easier to sort than if she doesn't care. Can you write a list of jobs she doesn't do and see if there are any you can take on, swoping them for some that she finds easier that you do already?

bltchef

she says she is not born to be tidy but her sister is even worse but her mum is just like the rest of us i think

Brighton_belle

Ah, so she's not interested in changing or bothered how it affects you?
Being tidy saves time and energy.

hot.chick

I think allocated jobs might work, we are untidy, and have jobs that we have to do at least once a week.

Funny thing is we were tidier when we didn't live together… it's a concerted effort to get the house into anything like visitor ready.

But I just think we don't see the mess like the rest of the world do.

Lagoon

hot.chick wrote: »

Funny thing is we were tidier when we didn't live together…

Oh, definitely!

I was always very tidy when I lived on my own. I didn't make a mess, I dealt with everything immediately and so there was never anything to overwhelm me. Things were spotless.

OH takes a different approach. He's a 'leave until later' person. He does get it done when it starts mounting up, but his approach means that there's constantly 'low level mess' which is what overwhelms me and stops me tackling it.

We're not 'messy' as such, by any stretch of the imagination. I worry that we are, but when I go to anyone else's house it's never up to the same standard as ours. Or anywhere near. Still, when it's your house I think you're much more judgemental.

Yet, it does sound like the OP's girlfriend might be a little harder to deal with, now that it's turned out that she calls herself lazy and doesn't seem bothered.

I know that if OH had ever called me lazy, I would have been deeply hurt. I certainly have never said it about myself, however it might look to an outsider, so the fact that she accepts it means that it will probably be much harder to deal with.

double_mummy

hubby does dishes as this is one thing i just cant do i can wash up one or two plates but no the big things or a whole load of things like after a family meal we now have the 3 ask rule i ask once he doesnt do it i ask a second time i ask a 3rd time all the dishes are dumped in his chair ive only got to asking the third time once lol never again (he did agree that this was a good idea)

we also have the no empty hands rule you cannot go up or down the stairs without something in your hands even my 3 year old takes her toys up this way

i am naturally not very clean but with a little nudge from the rest of the family i am improving its about all of you doing little bits the best thing my OH did to me was to follow me around all day pick up everything i dropped on the floor and then dump it on me when i went to bed made me realise how much i actually drop

geoffky

Set up a cleaning rota,,And bail out if it fails...I could not live like that..

Lagoon

double_mummy wrote: »

we also have the no empty hands rule you cannot go up or down the stairs without something in your hands even my 3 year old takes her toys up this way

I am adopting this rule. That sounds really useful, but so simple. Thanks!