Lost my best friend to online game Second life

Hoopylass

I know this sounds nuts but I was just wondering if any posters had any experiences of the online game second life?

My best friend is a 34 year old single mum who isn't working at the moment and is recently divorced. The split and divorce was initiated by her after quite an unhappy marriage. Her 14 year old lives with her and her 12 yr old son lives with his dad in England.

Last year she told me that she had joined this game where you can basically live a fantasy life, be whoever you want and do whatever you want. Ive done some research and you can actually spend real money in it too.

Over the past year ive seen her less and less. I thought she was depressed following the split as it was quite messy and she had to move back to scotland and start afresh. I tried to see her more and get her out the house. On several occassions she declined offers to go out saying she was "working" turns out it was a job she had in this game. She talks to folk in America and kept telling me that she had met the "one" and even talked about going to meet this guy in America and he was gonna pay for her flights etc. :mad: and then the next week its all over.

She now has a DJ job in this game and will sit up all night (often drinking) and really believes that she has this amazing life. She now has a fake facebook account for her online persona and interacts with "people" from the game. She rarely replies to texts/emails or facebook messages and Ive tried so hard to involve her with my other friends as I feel she is lonely and this is why she is living out her pretend life.

Ive been kinda leaving her too it thinking it would blow over even though when I did go up to hers she couldnt wait to get rid of me at the end of the night so she could go online.

Back in april I hadnt heard from her in about 4 mths so I paid her a suprise visit and we had a heart to heart and i thought we had sorted it out.

So why am I sitting nearly 4 mths later writing this? Well becasue nothing has changed. In May I lost my job and naturally I turned to her for support. I saw her once and she promised to phone the next day after i had a meeting in work. She didnt stating she forgot after I phoned her and ive not heard from her since.

Ive found her "online facebook" and the stuff she posts on it is mental. She is a totally different person posting about sex and stuff - coming from the girl who wont even walk into an ann summers store its nuts!

Im genuinely worried for her but at the same time Im at the end of my patience with her. I miss her and our friendship and at the stage where i just want to walk away. I feel so guilty tho that If i do that she will have no one as she doesnt have any other real life friends.

Has anyone else been through this with someone they care about? I honestly dont know what to do

continualdiamond

I personally haven't. However it contributed to my sister leaving her husband. He got obsessed with the xbox, was up all hours playing different games, she'd come home from work to find people she'd never met before in her house, people he'd just met that afternoon as a result of playing games on the xbox.

They had 'ranks' for each other for some club they'd set up and he'd saved up money for flights to go over to other states (this is back home in Australia) to meet fellow players of some game.

He stopped going out places with her, if they got invited places together he wouldn't go, so she'd go on her own, which then caused arguments about her going out etc etc.

He even said that the xbox was his life......

He had one part of the house with it all set up, she had another part of the house watching tv on her own at night time.

Unfortunately it took my sister leaving him for him to sell his xbox and he admitted he was better off without it. Many other reasons contributing to them now getting a divorce but this was one of the problems.

Hoopylass

I also meant to add that her 14 year old was caught talking to this "guy" on skype who turned out to a not very nice and asking all kind of sexual stuff.

I thought the shock of this might make her rethink her online life and that you dont really know who your talking to might make her quit but it hasnt.

Hoopylass

continualdiamond wrote: »

I personally haven't. However it contributed to my sister leaving her husband. He got obsessed with the xbox, was up all hours playing different games, she'd come home from work to find people she'd never met before in her house, people he'd just met that afternoon as a result of playing games on the xbox.

They had 'ranks' for each other for some club they'd set up and he'd saved up money for flights to go over to other states (this is back home in Australia) to meet fellow players of some game.

He stopped going out places with her, if they got invited places together he wouldn't go, so she'd go on her own, which then caused arguments about her going out etc etc.

He even said that the xbox was his life......

He had one part of the house with it all set up, she had another part of the house watching tv on her own at night time.

Unfortunately it took my sister leaving him for him to sell his xbox and he admitted he was better off without it. Many other reasons contributing to them now getting a divorce but this was one of the problems.

Thanks for replying .... so sorry to hear about your sister.

Mojisola

Hoopylass wrote: »

My best friend is a 34 year old single mum who isn't working at the moment and is recently divorced. The split and divorce was initiated by her after quite an unhappy marriage. Her 14 year old lives with her and her 12 yr old son lives with his dad in England.

Last year she told me that she had joined this game where you can basically live a fantasy life, be whoever you want and do whatever you want.

Hoopylass wrote: »

I also meant to add that her 14 year old was caught talking to this "guy" on skype who turned out to a not very nice and asking all kind of sexual stuff.

I thought the shock of this might make her rethink her online life and that you dont really know who your talking to might make her quit but it hasnt.

Even before you added the later post, I was going to say that I would be concerned about her child. Do you know the Dad well enough to express your concerns?

bagpussbear

I used to play Second Life for a while.

Basically it's a complete fantasy world. Your friend has decided to shun this world replacing it with this other world, where there are no worries and you can be whatever you want to be. Not surprising if she has been through the mill recently.

We all use distractions to help us get through rougher patches in life, some turn to alcohol, some throw themselves into work, your friend has thrown herself into a world that seems happier. Trouble is for her it's not just a distraction, but its having a negative impact on her life and the life of others around her, it would appear.

Do you know her family well enough that you could speak to them about your concerns?

Keep trying to get her out of the house and do nice things with her if you possibly can.

Hoopylass

Mojisola wrote: »

Even before you added the later post, I was going to say that I would be concerned about her child. Do you know the Dad well enough to express your concerns?

No I dont speak to him but I have tried to contact her dad via facebook to let him know of the situation. I dont think her parents have any idea about her online life.

Dimey

I have no experience of it but this sounds like an addiction in similar way someone can get addicted to gambling, alcohol, drugs or sex when they are vulnerable and seeking escapism from their problems.

Maybe she'll respond if you point out that she could be dragging her son down with her.

How long will it be before she starts spending all her money within the game.

I don't know whether its realistic but sounds like she needs a friend or family member close to her who can call by daily to keep her off the game and find her something else to do so she can ideally throw the game away.

Molly41

You can make a lot of money on this Second Life. A girl I trained with owns a British pub in the game and seems very comfortable.

pigpen

You've spoken to her about it, she knows how you feel and obviously doesn't care.. I'd walk away and let her get on with it and when she needs you she'll be back... or you can keep trying and wasting your time until she decides enough is enough and pulls herself together.

She may well be depressed, she may also be lonely or bored... she may also have been playing this game for a long while before she split and it may have contributed..

It is your call.

Hoopylass

Dimey wrote: »

I have no experience of it but this sounds like an addiction in similar way someone can get addicted to gambling, alcohol, drugs or sex when they are vulnerable and seeking escapism from their problems.

Maybe she'll respond if you point out that she could be dragging her son down with her.

How long will it be before she starts spending all her money within the game.

I don't know whether its realistic but sounds like she needs a friend or family member close to her who can call by daily to keep her off the game and find her something else to do so she can ideally throw the game away.

I have tried in the past to point out concerns and she just says I dont understand it. I tried to say that there is no harm in playing the game but when it takes over your life then that is a problem. Its to the point now when we did see each other she didnt mention it. The last time we spoke she was all about her dJ stuff - I suggested if that was her hobby then maybe seek about a college course but she dismissed me.