Newly Single - Where do I start

Maestro.

pretzelnut wrote: »

No my husband was very clever at alienating me from my friends, and twisting things behind the scenes.

He made it so that it was just me and him. I was totally sucked in. All the time he's out cheating behind my back.

That sounds to me like he was gaslighting you, which is a criminal offence. Just so you know.

marisco_2

pretzelnut wrote: »

I wish i could do half of those things but its just me and the kids. I have no family to offer support in the form of babes sitting duties. This is one thing i am finding extremely hard to overcome.

I felt like this for a while too. A good friend of mine then recommended me to this company www.sitters.co.uk. They are fantastic and have enabled me to claim back some time and a bit of a life for myself. It is important to prioritise yourself every now and then and to have things to look forward to. I think it may have been a while since you have been encouraged to consider that for yourself.

Fishingtime

gaslighting
What is that I have never heard of it

marisco_2

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a person doubt their own memory, perception and sanity.

pretzelnut

WOW i had no idea.

Basicaly he was a cheater and it made him paranoid that i was doing the same. When i found out and confronted him he denied it, even though i had psyical evidence.

Our split has been long time coming, but as we had kids, mortgage and everything else, it wasn't as easy as everyone would like to think to just walk away. yes he was always saying things then denying he'd said them. i was constantly questioning my sanity.

I had a look at ''meet up'' and theres nothing within 60 miles as I live in the middle of no where.

Still i have plenty of ideas now of where to begin.

Dimey

You've done the best thing for you and your children OP. You are all safe in your new home. I hope you are rightly proud of yourself.

You will need time to get your sense of self back and re-build your confidence. You will probably need to spend time reassuring your children and making sure they settle down before you start to think about meeting new men for dating.

So you are probably looking at things to do that will get you a few girlfriends in the village or at least some interests to take you out of the house, either on your own or with the children. Much later you could look at dating sites/agencies when you've re-built your own life and know who you are again.

My suggestions for now are: -

Join the library and take the children for all of you to chose books. Look on the notice board for reading clubs or Computer literacy clubs and other clubs to join in.

Go to church on Sunday morning with the children. You don't really need to be religious but you will find the congregation will be more welcoming into village life. If they turn out to be too religiously pushy then you don't need to go again. Worth a try. The local church will also run clubs for the children. Some do coffee mornings and afternoon teas too.

I know this one will sound funny but you could join the village Womens Institute or Mothers Union. Again it may not normally be your sort of thing but it will get you meeting new people who you can say Hi to in the street or at school gates and you'll start to feel less of an outsider.

Many villages have a website listing local keep fit groups and clubs for gardening, walking etc.

Many villages hold summer fete's or family fun days or flower shows. You could phone the organiser and offer your services as a volunteer. This will be great fun as well as making you feel an integral part of the community.

Do you have a dog? You'll often meet new people walking a dog. Maybe you have an elderly neighbour who has a dog and you could offer to walk it for them occasionally.

Read the local newspaper. It will get you familiar with local news to be able to talk about with people you meet and events to go to.

paulineb_2

Anyone can start a meet up group, there are fees but its not too expensive.