Newly Single - Where do I start

pretzelnut

Ive just split from my husband of 6 years. He cheated a couple of times and i just couldn't take it anymore. The trust had gone.

So I'm sitting here not having a clue where to begin.
I lost all my friends, and i have very little family.

I don't want to bounce out of one relationship into the next. I want to begin doing all the things i never could, but i live in a small town with 3 children and don't know what to do.

So give me your suggestions as my mind has gone blank.
I want to meet people and make friends. Im not the most confident person.

Fishingtime

I am 50 yo male and I am in the same position as yourself.
Enjoy being on your own and being able to do whatever you want to do and when you want to do it Lol

paulineb_2

The site meet up is good for meeting new people, lots of groups on there.

sweetme

Enjoy spending a wee bit of time bringing back who you are, remembering who you are, what you like and what you want from life. You don't say what age your kids are but what about Mum and Toddler groups? If you can ignore the "mine could run a marathon and read an encyclopedia at 6 months old brigade" and seek out like minded people you would make some great friends.

candygirl

I am in a similar boat as you, but don't want to rush into anything yet, due to the last disaster;)

pretzelnut

I feel so lost right now.

[Deleted User]

If you have children you have lots of opportunities to make new friends - join the school PTA or Governing Body, or the committee of your local playgroup. Join a local rock choir, attend an exercise class, sign up for an evening class.
You need to make some girlfriends. When I split with my husband 7 years ago it was my girlfriends that got me through it. Even though I am now re-married and have moved 30 miles away from my home town I still prioritise my relationships with my female friends - we meet up regularly and go away for weekends, have cocktail nights etc. My husband accepts that they are important to me.
Statistically even if I have a long and happy second marriage I will end up single again at some point. My girlfriends will be the ones still there for me!

pretzelnut

I wish i could do half of those things but its just me and the kids. I have no family to offer support in the form of babes itting duties. This is one thing i am finding extremely hard to overcome.

BitterAndTwisted

What do you mean you lost all your friends? Every single one of them was originally your husband's who you no longer have contact with or something else?

pretzelnut

No my husband was very clever at alienating me from my friends, and twisting things behind the scenes.

He made it so that it was just me and him. I was totally sucked in. All the time he's out cheating behind my back.

Ive moved away and I'm in a relatively new place. So i don't know anyone. The place i live now is a very small town. Where everyone knows everyone. I find it hard to break into the group being an outsider.

marisco_2

It does take a bit of time and a fair amount of adjusting to being single again, after being in a relationship. Most people go through a stage of feeling a bit lost and not feeling confident about moving forward positively.

Reading between the lines of your post I get the impression that you were in quite a controlling relationship. You say you want to begin doing all the things you never could. In a healthy relationship you wouldn't have had to give up on things you enjoyed doing or wished to look into pursuing. What are your hobbies and interests? Cycling or running clubs can be very social and exercise is good for your mood and general well being. Even going to an exercise class like Zumba can be fun and you may find someone there to chat to. Your local library would be a good place to find out about all that goes on locally too.

How come you have lost all of your friends, were you isolated from them? Have you made any attempts to try and reconnect with them? Might be worth a try if you were once really close to these people. Depending on the ages of your children you may find that they help you to meet others. Chatting to mums at the school gate, getting to know parents when yours are invited to kids parties, arranging play dates for your kids and inviting the mum over for coffee.