Counselling

Edwardia

I had an assessment this week and I'm waiting to hear whether the counselling service locally can take me on. All the counsellors are BACP registered and as it's a charity only £10 per 50 min session.

Lots of bad stuff has happened to me in my life, but I think I'm pretty tough mentally. What I'm finding difficult to deal with right now is severe stress caused by others - NOT my husband, family or work though - which I have no control over.

I realise counselling isn't a magic wand, but I hope that instead of me throwing my hands up mentally and going aaargh, counselling will help me focus and keep calm and just deal with it better.

So if you've had counselling, I'd really like to know if it helped. What should I expect ?

Thanks xx

FBaby

I have received some counselling, but also provided some. What I have found both as a patient and counsellor is that to make it work, you have to accept that it will involve some work on your part. Many see counselling as a professional subsitute to a good friend, someone who will listen and make you feel better. Even though there are different types of approach to counselling, some more orientated towards listening, more towards thinking, they do have in common that the patient is expected to do some mental work to make themselves feel better. It might be revisiting some painful memories, which can be extremely hard work and painful, or it can involve taking small steps towards doing something one is avoiding, which can be frightening.

The counsellor is there to provide direction and reassurance. They can't do miracles and make everyone feel better who isn't prepared to take the steps above. Counselling is demanding, and can be both exhausting and frightening but if carried out well, can be like learning a new skill.

ca55ie

Well described FBaby. I have found it very useful but you only get out of it the effort you put in.

Errata

I had half a dozen sessions with a psychologist when I was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. It was very, very similar to counselling ( I have a counselling qualification myself). I benefitted simply by being able to get things off my chest to someone who didn't have an axe to grind or their own agenda.
Often just hearing ourselves saying things out loud in the company of someone else can make all the difference to one's POV.

Hermia

As others have said counselling does involve a lot of hard work. Also do be aware that it can get worse before it gets better. I had counselling in my twenties and it involved having to talk/think about a lot of things I had suppressed. So, it actually made me feel worse for quite a while before I started to feel better.

It's worth finding out what type of counselling it is. I wonder if initially assertiveness training and stress management might be a good short term option alongside counselling.

Edwardia

Thank you for all the replies so far. I have no idea what sort of counselling it is as the charity is a small one without a website. In fact I know zilch about counselling.

Pinkdebster

I had a course of CBT to help me come to terms with a life-changing illness. I was railing against it all the time, refusing to accept that my "old" life was gone (I didn't realise this at the time!).

I went with an open mind and was fully-prepared to give it everything I had. I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did. Better than any pill or potion I have been given.

Good luck x

troubleinparadise

Arriving at a point when you acknowledge you might benefit from counselling doesn't tend to be an overnight thing, and thus counselling equally doesn't work overnight for you to feel its benefits.

So definitely give it a chance, and I'm afraid a few weeks is going to have to pass before you really start to make progress.

In much the same as most anti-depressants take a while to kick in and become effective, the same can be said for counselling.

But if you find it works for you, the benefits will last you a lifetime.

In my particular situation, which was an ongoing one, I ended up attending counselling for much longer than I ever anticipated before I arrived at a point of not needing it... but I have that phone number in my book ready for if or when I hit the brick wall again!

bestpud

Counselling has transformed my life.

It's hard work, as said, and most of it is done by you inbetween sessions.

You may feel worse to start with and it's important to say if you feel you can't cope. Also, it can feel like one step forward and two back at times so don't expect a steady improvement.

It obviously won't work for everyone but for me it really has been life changing.

Good luck with it :-)

Dunroamin

I'm sorry but I had a course of counselling sessions a few years ago and it was one of the worst things I've ever done; I almost packed it in after the first session. Although I did finish the course (my employer was paying for it), I had to set boundaries for the counsellor or I think it could have led me to having a breakdown. I really didn't find it helpful at all and would never do it again.

Sorry.

Edwardia

Dunroamin, the counsellor who did my assessment did tell me that counselling doesn't work for everyone. I really don't know whether it will work for me, I haven't ever had to sit in front of a stranger before and tell him/her how I feel.

So far I've only tried to answer:
Why do you want counselling ?
What do you want from counselling ?

I'm OK with talking about the generalities of my situation but I'm sure I will have difficulty expressing how I feel about it. It's that bottled-up anger, frustration and stress that I need to deal with though.