a classic one in some sense

Person_one

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I'd stay right out of it. The bearer of bad news will often be the one they both turn on. Fancy having both of them cut you out of their lives for interfering? If so, just go ahead and don't look back

That's pretty selfish.

paulineb_2

Person_one wrote: »

That's pretty selfish.

No its not, if the OP tells her and he lies and says hes not seeing anyone else, what then?

Id certainly give him an ultimatum of if you dont stop this or spill the beans I'll do something about it, but I wouldnt tell her without speaking to him first and giving him the chance to come clean

Open your mouth without speaking to him first, you risk being called a liar and bringing them closer together.

paulineb_2

Oh and I can safely say, having been a friend of someone who was seeing someone else behind her partners back, if Id have told him, he wouldnt have believed me, I know he wouldnt have believed me, Id have been called the liar.

And he did find out in the end, because people who are cheating tend to trip themselves up. What I did was exit the friendship, because I wasnt prepared to be used to lie to her partner and I made that very clear.

People dont need to become involved in someone elses mess. No its not nice being cheated on, but its not really a friendship if someone says, btw Im seeing someone behind my wifes back, I'll just offload this to you and make you feel guilty.

If someone has the brass neck to see someone behind their partners back, then they have the balls to actually admit it without involving a third party, its very unfair.

paulineb_2

Oh and I agree, people do deserve to be told the truth about their own lives, but if someone can get naked and do the horizontal tango with someone else, they can string a sentence together and say, by the way, Im seeing someone else. Its not that tough

Why should a third party be made to feel guilty having been dumped on and brought into this sorry mess that they never asked to be part of in the first place?

It puts people in an impossible situation, a complete lose lose, because you have no way of knowing how its going to go. It could go either way

Person having the affair could admit it and wife could thank you for telling all.

Person having the affair could deny it to the hilt and make you look as if you have designs on them and are a pathological liar.

Or anything else in between. Ive got enough going on with my own life than to get involved in other peoples affairs.

You can easily tell this man, spill the beans or I will, but then you have to be prepared that he wont. Or you can say, Im not prepared to be in touch with either of you until you sort this out and stop dumping on me

But is it your place to spill the beans, I say absolutely not. Its his, hes the one doing the cheating, he should have the conversation.

BitterAndTwisted

Person_one wrote: »

That's pretty selfish.

No, I don't think it is. Just because someone has disclosed something does not compel you to repeat it. Most especially to someone who will not welcome the news.

I prefer to keep myself out of other people's private business. You are welcome to have the opposite view, as it pleases you.

MrsE_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I'd stay right out of it. The bearer of bad news will often be the one they both turn on. Fancy having both of them cut you out of their lives for interfering? If so, just go ahead and don't look back

I agree, OP stay out of it.

melanzana

He told you...... so you would tell his wife.

Why would he tell you otherwise?

I cannot imagine any of my male friends telling me something like this. Are you sure this isn't a wind up? But then again....

I would NOT tell his wife. EVER. I think he wants you to do that for him.

litheplay

Thank you all for the responses so far. I do believe him that he's never done it before - not even with other women he's been with before her. I've known him since we were in high school and he was always very open to me. He still is, and I'm the only person he's discussed this with, not in a bragging way... unfortunately when he told me we had to cut the discussion short as we were meeting other friends. I had a horrible evening as I could not look her in the eyes...

On a different note, I can't turn my back on him because of this, even though I'm upset and hurt. I will write him an email tonight and I just texted him that I wanted to talk on the phone. I can't leave things like this, she is an extraordinary woman and he's an idiot, risking what seemed (and was) a great relationship for meaningless sex (that's what he says it is). Not to mention they have two children...

arbroath_lass

Yes, I'd've told my "best friend" what an absolute a*se he's being and spelt out exactly what he has to lose. Leave him in no doubt his behaviour is unacceptable. Then leave him to it. There's no way I'd want someone like this as a friend, especially when he doesn't even have feelings for this other woman.

DarlingBuds

The fact that she has asked you about it, I think you should tell her.

She obviously has an idea. In future, tell men you don't want to know what they get up to as it makes you feel uncomfortable.

The wife already thinks hubbie is lying to her, don't be another doing the same....