Problem With Ex - Advice needed!!

StuC75

Joint Mortgage means joint & severally responsible for the Mortgage payments.

Having Children means responsibility for making payments.

These are separate responsibilities - for which he is tied to both. The mistake that the OP made was to leave the property especially with children involved.

I've recently completed a transfer of equity to get my ex off the mortgage - making full payments myself since we split nearly a year ago; In that time the ex 'respected' that it was may space when she brought my Son round for weekend as I was covering the full cost and so was flexible in how I concluded the transfer (time taken etc.)..

In this time I made regular agreed payments to her for Child Support. That Early advice I received helped avoid such a scenario of paying mortgage \ maintenance and finding my own place (already been there before)..

So I've been there got the badge, and still the shirt on my back from 2nd time round fortunately..

rpc wrote: »

Why? It is still their house as joint tenants until they sell or get repo'd and who pays the mortgage money has no bearing on that.

No court will bind him to pay a mortgage that leaves him unable to rent a property himself. In most circumstances, there will be no spousal support due and so the only relief will be the child maintenance at 20% income. The joint mortgage will be dealt with as part of the financial settlement and OP's liability will almost certainly be ended (which may involve selling up if she can't remortgage).

kboss2010

As a child who grew up in a very similar situation, I'd say this:

1) get a divorce ASAP and get your child custody rights and finances sorted out legally. You and your ex at this point will never agree what is the right thing to do and by behaving in this way you're putting your kids in a hell of a position without realising it. Yes, I realise it might not be *you* being intentionally awkward but it doesn't matter. Your kids don't want to think of either of you being in the wrong but they live with their mother so will side with her but tell you what they think you want to hear to make their lives easier. Believe me, I've been there!

2) yes, your name is still on the mortgage so you both are legally obliged to pay it *and* have a right to live there/visit whenever you want. If your ex doesn't like it then let her try to take it to court, she won't get far. (Although I might suggest not visiting her house alone if she's hostile, always have a witness so if she calls the police or accuses you of anything you have someone to back you up. Oh, and your kids don't count, obviously.)

3) Be prepared to fight for your rights in the divorce. Family courts will always side with the mother unless (and even sometimes if!) she's physically or mentally incapable of looking after the kids.

Good luck and I hope you manage to get it sorted ASAP.

Confusedandneedhelp

dvbs wrote: »

Hi all,

Was hoping to get some advice on a situation I'm currently in:

My wife and I separated early this year (not yet started the divorce), seeing me move out and moving in with my parents as I'm unable to pay the mortgage as well as rent somewhere else. We have kids.

When moving out we agreed that I'd stay in the house one night a week to allow me space alone with my kids and she would move in with her parents. (I have them other nights at my parents house, but wanted 'alone time' with them too.) She has since changed her mind and stopped me from staying over - due to this I ceased paying the mortgage and now pay a reduced amount each month direct to her account (only about £100 less, which was an agreed figure.)

The house is mortgaged in our joint names.

Things have now moved on and we have gone from me having to tell her I'm going to the house (if i wanted to pick something up, for instance) to me giving her 24 hours notice, to her now saying that I can't enter the house at all unless she agrees to it and she oversees me while I'm there. (Just to add - I'm not obsessively going there - I've accessed the house twice to pick up items and one of those times was 'with her permission'.)

This has created a fair amount of tension, at which point I threatened to reduce my childcare payments to what the CSA would require of me (about 50% of what I pay now.) I don't really want to do this (and haven't yet) as I don't want the kids to suffer in any way, but I don't feel like I have anywhere else to go.

She is now telling me that if i don't:

a) Pay the normal amount each month and;
b) Stop seeking access to the house

she will arrange a restraining order on me, stopping me from accessing the property and also tell the kids (both between 4 and 7) that they can't do as many fun things as their Dad doesn't support them enough.

Can she do this? (not the bit about telling the kids, obviously!) As I said, the mortgage is in joint names, the divorce hasn't gone through and there's no history of violence or anything like that - we simply grew apart and split over a number of years.

I feel like I'm doing more than I legally have to with my payments, but she insists on threatening me with what are her 'rights' and i simply don't know what to do.

Thanks in advance.

There is absolutely nothing stopping u moving back in. That's just the facts it's your house.

Maybe not the best advice, but legally u could

Restraining orders require evidence, such as domestic violence for example

Caz3121

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

There is absolutely nothing stopping u moving back in. That's just the facts it's your house.

Maybe not the best advice, but legally u could

Restraining orders require evidence, such as domestic violence for example

OP has not been back to this forum in the last 8 months, suspect things will have moved on by now one way or the other

schwam66

this is crazy, has she changed the locks or something?? i wouldnt have moved a muscle, my kids are my everything as i am sure they are yours, but this woman sounds psycho....you are doing more than your fair share, sadly the best thing i would suggest is get the divorce done asap, think the only reason that it isnt progressing is cuz your ex is just miling the situation, i cant imagine she can afford it on her own?...all the best my man, such a shame with the kids involved, but it will be better in the long run.....