Need advice...

Oakdene

My ex wife & I split up a couple of years ago & under a contact agreement it was decided I would have our children overnight every other Fri-Mon whereby I pick them up (either at school or thier house) & return them on Monday morning (again at school or the house). We are not on good terms & she has met someone new which is fine.

In the agreement it stated I would help out in the school holidays this happened. However earlier this year (June) I got a new job & as a result I couldnt get any more time off than a week to look after my monkeys, as I hadnt been here long enough. I had them for a week & thought that the weekends would fall back in line.

However my ex decided that as my daughters Birthday feel on 'my' weekend, she would have both children then & said "its her decision". Based on this I re-jigged my plans & booked an away weekend to fall when I didnt have the children based on my ex's rota. I asked my ex (by text) where should I collect my children on the 30th & her reply was I cant have them that weekend & she will decide when I have them.

She keeps changing the rules about when I have them & as a result Im having to constantly change my work plans & other plans to suit at the drop of a hat.

Is there anything I can do as I cant bear not seeing my children & as it stands I wont see them now until the 13th Sept>

paulineb_2

Get some legal advice.

Gigglepig

So it sounds like you broke the contact agreement first by not taking responsibility for childcare 1/2 the school holidays (if that was what was agreed? ) and you think the ex retaliated by messing around with "your" weekend?

I suggest booking a mediation session to discuss, and in that session try to open for better communication by acknowledging that you let her down over childcare in the holidays. Also discuss what to do regarding birthdays, christmas and other special occasions, so this is agreed in advance.

In the future if you have a similar issue, it would be fairer to make arrangements for, or at least offer to pay for, your share of the school holiday, if that is what you agreed. It probably angered your ex that you went back on it (even for good reason) - your job situation is not her peoblem. Basically you both need to stick to the agreement.

paulineb_2

Ah, I see, shes cheesed off that you only had them for a week in the summer. I dont think that excuses what shes doing, but you are going to have to discuss it and if you cant, then yes, some kind of mediation might be necessary.

Oakdene

Gigglepig wrote: »

So it sounds like you broke the contact agreement first by not taking responsibility for childcare 1/2 the school holidays (if that was what was agreed? ) and you think the ex retaliated by messing around with "your" weekend?.

No, there was nothing set or agreed in the school holidays. I helped out as much as I could, however I gave my ex partner as much notice as I could when I started my new job as I knew I only had one weeks leave.

Gigglepig wrote: »

I suggest booking a mediation session to discuss, and in that session try to open for better communication by acknowledging that you let her down over childcare in the holidays. Also discuss what to do regarding birthdays, christmas and other special occasions, so this is agreed in advance.

I offered mediation & my ex partner refused to attend. As I mentioned above I offered as much holidays as I could but due to the new job I was unable to take alot of leave of, as a result my ex-partner keeps moving the weekends about.

Gigglepig wrote: »

In the future if you have a similar issue, it would be fairer to make arrangements for, or at least offer to pay for, your share of the school holiday, if that is what you agreed. It probably angered your ex that you went back on it (even for good reason) - your job situation is not her peoblem. Basically you both need to stick to the agreement.

I pay every penny (and even offered to pay more after the split) of child maintenance that I have been asked to, so I more than pay my way.

Gigglepig

OP in your first post you put the agreement stated you would " help out "during school holidays. If you only had them one week, it doesn't sound terribly helpful.

Did you offer to pay for play schemes, holiday camps etc any of the other weeks you were not able to have them due to the new job?

Sorry but if you had committed in the agreement to "help out" during school holiday, and ended up offering a grand total of one week, i can see why it aggravated your ex if you already have a strained relationship.

Oakdene

Gigglepig wrote: »

OP in your first post you put the agreement stated you would " help out "during school holidays. If you only had them one week, it doesn't sound terribly helpful.

Did you offer to pay for play schemes, holiday camps etc any of the other weeks you were not able to have them due to the new job?

Sorry but if you had committed in the agreement to "help out" during school holiday, and ended up offering a grand total of one week, i can see why it aggravated your ex if you already have a strained relationship.

At the time, neither party was able to agree a set amount of time. For example I had my children for one half term & some of the Easter holidays but due to a change in job I was unable to do anymore than a week as if I did it would be unpaid leave which I simply couldnt afford to do.

NAR

OP does your ex work? If she does, I can understand why should might have wanted more assistance with childcare. If not, then that is a different story.

Oakdene

NAR wrote: »

OP does your ex work? If she does, I can understand why should might have wanted more assistance with childcare. If not, then that is a different story.

She does, however I know that she gets free childcare (her family look after little ones).

GwylimT

Well it looks as though you may have broken the contract first by not taking on your children, as you were the one that pulled out it really was your responsibility to arrange childcare to cover that time instead of just saying you're only having your children for a week.

Oakdene

GwylimT wrote: »

Well it looks as though you may have broken the contract first by not taking on your children, as you were the one that pulled out it really was your responsibility to arrange childcare to cover that time instead of just saying you're only having your children for a week.

Given that there was nothing in concrete concerning the holidays I cant see how I broke the agreement. I said I would help out as much as I could in the holidays, I was unable to do any more than a week.