Too Good to be True - or Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth?

Ms_Magnetite

Not been here for a looonnnnnnnnng time.

I've had rubbish relationships. Negative, controlling, abusive, all that kind of thing. I'm used to tippytoeing around somebody in case they explode/throw a paddy, wishing they'd start a fight just so they stomp off and I'm left in peace for a minute.


I started seeing somebody in the group of friends I've made since the last awful relationship got put out of its (my) misery. Just casually. Nothing complicated and kept quiet rather than make things a bit weird or upset his ex. He never demanded to know what I was doing, didn't do the big public displays of ownership, that kind of thing. Which was great.


He's smart, funny, kind and I really enjoy being with him. Everything is good between us - he does stuff like stroke my hair as I go to sleep and when I think about him my best mate says I look really soppy. He's started introducing me to his other friends that I didn't know, he's spending longer at my place, has been here since Weds and we spent the entire weekend together just talking until 5 in the morning and laughing at old comedies online that I've never known anybody else had heard of apart from me, let alone love, and watching old movies and stuff like that. He's started holding my hand when we're out and a couple fo times he's been asked to tell me something by somebody else we both know, even though we've never said anything is going on.



But I keep looking for things to convince me that it's all a sham, that he's cradling my face as he kisses me is fake and it's going to fizzle out or something. And it's weirding me out that stuff that I used to hate, like, well, being in the same house as me or wanting to snuggle up on the sofa feels really, really nice. I've never laughed so much in my life as I do in one evening with him, I can't eat, I'm getting by on just a few hours' sleep. There's none of the "I want I want" stuff that I'm used to, none of the "You must do this and I'm trying to work out if he's not really that bothered" or whether that's what normal people do, just let you be yourself.


He's even said thank you to me for making him feel so special at the weekend - all I did was knock up a couple of snacks with stuff languishing at the bottom of my generally unused fridge and chuck a pair of socks and some boxers into the washing machine with the quilt cover?




There's something so different, I just don't know what it is and it's freaking me out. Am I just being blind to something really obvious here?

Tish_P

I know it can be hard to believe after a run of bad luck but all this is actually quite normal behaviour for a decent bloke who likes you! No need to get suspicious or nervous or worry it's a trap - enjoy it and I hope it all works out swimmingly.

pukkamum

The difference is obvious surely?
He's your lobster!
Seriously though stop trying to analyse it take it for what it is, a very lovely relationship that is blossoming.
By expecting the worse you will make the worst happen, relax and enjoy it, feel glad that you've found someone with so many common interests.

Stephb1986_2

Enjoy it, it sounds like a lovely relationship

MakeupAddict_2

Ms M, nobody can you give you a gold plated guarantee that he isn't spinning you a line before reeling you in and turning into a control freak who dominates your every moment.

BUT.....

...despite your previous experiences, there are an awful lot of good guys out there and he sounds like one of them. In fact he sounds an absolute gem. Your instinct tells you that this feels 'different', so trust yourself - and him. Even without the bad experiences you've had before, it can feel freaky to be made to feel so special, but enjoy it. Don't push him away by questioning him and yourself every time he does something nice. Because the surest way to push him away is to show him you don't trust him. And don't try to excuse yourself by referring to the way you were treated by previous boyfriends which has made you wary - he might be sympathetic at first, but soon he'll think 'yes, but I'm not them' and resent the fact that you don't realise that he's not like that.

Don't risk losing somebody who sounds very special, just in case he turns out to be a wrong 'un. The start of every relationship is a leap of faith, so enjoy.

MuAx

marisco_2

When your experiences of relationships have been problematic and toxic it can be hard to place trust in people again. It sounds as if someone really great has come into your life, who values you and enjoys your company. You could spend time worrying about things going wrong. Or you could just enjoy what you share with this guy, take your time to get to know him and see how things naturally progress.

meritaten

Enjoy the moment hun! and if as time goes by the moment lasts months, even years then count your blessings! I don't blame you for being cynical - but, don't let that healthy awareness become something that can destroy a lovely relationship!

BugglyB

Enjoy yourself, falling in love is beautiful.

Use your experiences from the past - stay in touch with your friends, family, maintain your own interests. Don't make excuses for bad behaviour if there is any. Put your faith in your own ability to tell right from wrong.

ostrichnomore_2

Not too good to be true: normal.

After 10 years in a dysfunctional relationship with someone controlling, hyper-critical and controlling, I am also finding it quite an adjustment to be seeing a nice, normal man. Trust your instincts - I have dated 'nice' men in the past where it really didn't ring quite true and there turned out to be a reason for that. But don't look for problems where there aren't any either - keep your wits about you in the early days but if everything seems good, healthy and trustworthy, it probably is.

I know what you mean about appreciating the little things so much because you sort of forget what is normal. Enjoy it!

claire16c

Yes this is normal and what's more, this is what you should expect from the right person, sounds like you deserve it.

paulineb_2

He sounds like a nice guy, thats the difference

Ive also been in rotten relationship after rotten relationship and Im single and happy, all I will say to you is dont spoil this one by looking for the negatives when everything is going fine.